Elated surf fans lose collective mind as “The Ultimate Surfer” Zeke Lau curb stomps competition, wins US Open of Surfing thereby etching name alongside Kelly Slater, Brett Simpson in annals of Huntington Beach history!

Historic!

Surf fans, riding a rollercoaster today, are currently elated as Hawaii’s Zeke Lau has just etched his name into the annals of history by living up to his billing as “the ultimate surfer” in a stunning win over Joao Chianca in the US Open of Surfing finals.

Riding a florescent yellow surfboard, Lau employed excellent clock management skills and extreme hopping in front of a beach filled with ecstatic supporters.

Online, Brazilian fans became outraged at apparent judging biases.

Much “World Shame League.”

A full recap will not be forthcoming, as the waves were knee high and horrible looking, but enjoy this spectacular moment. With the win, Lau is likely to re-qualify, again, for the Championship Tour via the Challenger Series after qualifying through unscripted reality program and Qualifying Series victories.

Historic.

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Jetson Rover
Jetson Rover
4 years ago

He’s the only Tahitian pro surfer that was on the CT (apart from Poto but he’s a touch too old now),so someone decided to throw him a Mr Niceguy lifeline for 1 more shot at getting rid of the record for CT local having his home event as his worst event for results.

Picard Madeoff
Picard Madeoff
4 years ago

Was there a moment of silence for Ronnie G?

Baz
Baz
4 years ago

This is exactly why the tour has too many surfers

AI (for ever) .
AI (for ever) .
4 years ago

If you can sell the product you will win.

Just ask Kelly! https://uploads.disquscdn.c…

Nonagon_Infinity
Nonagon_Infinity
4 years ago

Another chapter for the book of Ezekiel..

Working Class Hero
Working Class Hero
4 years ago

Get your butt plugs greased boys and girls, the anals of Huntington Beach blown wide open by the Ultimate Surfer. Wow, What an event!

channelbottom
channelbottom
4 years ago

I still want to know what happened about that report of him getting punched recently.
Can anyone enlighten me?

Chibagato
Chibagato
4 years ago
Reply to  channelbottom

Answer Him!!

channelbottom
channelbottom
4 years ago
Reply to  Chibagato

https://www.todayifoundout….

“Within a decade of making the switch from primarily selling as an ice cream topping to drink, Hawaiian punch’s popularity skyrocketed and by 1955 it became a national selling brand. A few years later, they even created their own cartoon character mascot, “Punchy”, who had a propensity to punch people randomly. The character would ask people, animals, etc. “How about a nice Hawaiian Punch?” When they’d say “yes”, he’d punch them.”

Chibagato
Chibagato
4 years ago
Reply to  channelbottom

No false crack?

channelbottom
channelbottom
4 years ago
Reply to  Chibagato

I think if someone sells false crack, the buyers will eventually hunt the vendor down and tell them sternly, what a naughty person they were for accepting money for fraudulent goods.

Sit down to pee
Sit down to pee
4 years ago
Reply to  Chibagato

Only real crack

Sean Connery
Sean Connery
4 years ago
Reply to  channelbottom

Yes. We need this.

mike m
mike m
4 years ago
Reply to  channelbottom

Zeke seems like a bully, bet he’s been in plenty of punchouts.
BeachGrit should be able to hunt this one down with their coconut phone.

Mike Hester
Mike Hester
4 years ago
Reply to  channelbottom

Yes I can give you the basic lo down, I punched him once right between the eyes and he screamed like the bitch he is, does that help you

channelbottom
channelbottom
4 years ago
Reply to  Mike Hester

You must have an absolutely tiny fist!
Mike ‘Tiny Fist of Steel’ Hester.

Once made The Ultimate Surfer cry.

Legend.

OriginalJud
OriginalJud
4 years ago

I watched the early rounds of the men’s competition only during the Francisco swell and that was it.

Karl Von Fanningstadt
Karl Von Fanningstadt
4 years ago

At least this means we get another year watching him teeter on the edge of the cut only to fall off.

c4
c4
4 years ago

It is kind of entertaining watching him claim waves that end up being 5.3’s and losing heats.

Hippy
Hippy
4 years ago

I demand a JP Currie full report!

Dude is SLAKKIN

NEGATRON
NEGATRON
4 years ago
Reply to  Hippy

Thank fuck, The Dude don’t do the challenger series.

Sellme fitzgobbins
Sellme fitzgobbins
4 years ago

Pau Lau

Skippy
Skippy
4 years ago

Bettylou ripped those shitty little boat wakes.

No Feelings
No Feelings
4 years ago
Reply to  Skippy

No doubt.

But I still can’t stand Bob Seger.

tim_nelsen
tim_nelsen
4 years ago
Reply to  Skippy

smooth as hawaiian tropic butter…also her wave riding style…

Manuka
Manuka
4 years ago

Zeke believes in God.

Sean Connery
Sean Connery
4 years ago
Reply to  Manuka

It will get you a win unless it doesn’t

Manuka
Manuka
4 years ago
Reply to  Sean Connery

It’s all God’s work. 🙂

No Feelings
No Feelings
4 years ago
Reply to  Manuka

We all do.

“Goddamit why did it go flat? I gotta get to work in ten minutes!”

Manuka
Manuka
4 years ago
Reply to  No Feelings

I know. The last wave of the session is most of the times the most frustrating.

Jack R
Jack R
4 years ago

Did Kaipo WipeO’ Heritage just shade Taylor Jensen at award ceremony Vans US Open? , ooops. Mahalo
No ka oi

NEGATRON
NEGATRON
4 years ago
Reply to  Jack R

What happened? did he forget someone’s name again?

Jack R
Jack R
4 years ago
Reply to  NEGATRON

ouch, it’s now known as the Kaipo invitational, winners need to Get a blood test and check your bloodline before getting on the stage for the award ceremony. The Corinthian surfer and event champion Taylor Jensen barely received notice from Kaipo . Clueless Kaipo, the new Arbiter of praise and shade, worthy and unworthy. Kaipo s exuberance for Hawaiian surfers more that likely embarrassed Kelis Kaleipa’a and Taylor Jensen (and every gracious fan watching ). Respect comes from respect given. Mahalo

Jimmy the Saint
Jimmy the Saint
4 years ago
Reply to  Jack R

Anyone watching should have been embarrassed for watching!

Jack R
Jack R
4 years ago

Like sheep without a shepard, we were tempted to watch Kaipo crown his chosen. Forgive us

Com Turren
Com Turren
4 years ago

Zeke is still a geek.


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