Kelly Slater destroys all-comers, including one-time arch-rival, on opening day of invitation-only, over-fifties surf event at wildly exclusive Four Seasons Hotel in the Maldives, “The waves are beautiful…it’s really high level and high-performance surf!”

"The first heat Kelly and I ever surfed against each other was 38 years ago, when were 12 years old!"

To the surprise of no-one, Kelly Slater has dominated the opening stanza of the invitation-only Four Seasons Maldives Surfing Champions Trophy 2022, stomping former tour buddies Taylor Knox, Rob Machado, Ross Willims and local wildcard Hussain “Iboo” Areef in the single fin division.

The contest runs over three days. Single fins. Twins. Thrusters. Twenty-five gees to the winner.

Fifty-year-old Slater, who finished third at the Outerknown Tahiti Pro in ten-foot waves last week and who is the current world number fifteen, made short work of the Momentum Gen, including one-time arch-rival Rob Machado.

“I feel like I learned a lot about how to place my turns better and more subtly, and not try to force things,” Slater said. “Whereas on a high-performance board you’re always trying to force the most radical change of direction you can. I think a single-fin is great for your style and your flow.”

Shane Dorian, also fifty, said, “This year is extra special because we all have been best friends for three decades, almost four decades. The first heat Kelly and I ever surfed against each other was 38 years ago, when were 12 years old! It’s cool to have grown up together and surfed a bunch of heats together and travelled the world with each other. It’s just so cool to be here with our little group of friends, and to be here with Iboo as well, surfing with and against each other.”

Greatest surfer of all time Kelly Slater advocates return of “guys getting kicked out of the water, fins broken out, slaps in the head” as world’s most high-profile wave descends into chaos!

"I kinda wish…the Phil Perrys of the world, the Perry Danes, the Johnny Boys would come back and sort that lineup out, man." 

One of the better stories of modern surfing is the relationship of Kelly Slater, a preternaturally talented kid from the little waves of Florida, with Oahu’s North Shore, the fabled seven-mile miracle.

Faced with the choice of becoming a world champion who shied away from big waves, Slater bit down on every fear he ever had to become the greatest surfer ever, a three-time Triple Crown winner, Eddie winner, a seven-time Pipe Master, if you include last December’s Pipeline Pro.

In the final episode of Slater’s 11-part Lost Tapes series, filmed over the course of the 2019 tour, we’re in Hawaii, where Slater has been spending every December since he was fourteen, and where he now keeps two houses, one of which you can rent for $US46,000 per month.

He doesn’t win Pipe in this instance, that goes to the world champ Italo Ferreira, but he does scoop up the Triple Crown.

The episode warms up when Slater talks about the crumbling of Pipeline’s infamous hierarchy.

“My biggest goal was to have a prominent spot in the lineup at Pipeline,” he says. “I never felt like I deserved a wave. There was a hierarchy out there you didn’t just break into. Nowadays you go out there and it’s four foot and there’s sixty guys. When I was a kid out there, you really had to put your time in there. Guys were getting kicked out of the water, fins broken, guys were getting slapped in the head. I kinda wish that hierarchy, the Phil Perrys of the world, the Perry Danes, the Johnny Boys would come back and sort that lineup out, man.”

World #7 pro surfer famous for his work on Indigenous and Anglo-Saxon relations lists epic beach house for a staggering three-million dollars plus, “It’s a surfer’s dream!”

Bought for 760k, selling for well north of three-million dollars!

The Australian professional surfer Adrian “Ace” Buchan, famous for a blue-eyed-blond-college girl look and whom you’d like to swing off his feet in a passionate hug, pinching and squeezing from head to knee, has listed his “forever house” a few hundred yards off world-famous Avoca Beach.

Buchan, who is thirty-nine and who competed on the WSL world tour from 2010 until 2021, famously beating Kelly Slater at big Teahupoo to win the Billbong Pro Tahiti in 2013, bought the house in 2007 for $760,000, but now seeks north of three-mill.

The four-bed, three-bathroom house with enough parking for a quartet of cars was built in 1980 and occupies a hunk of dirty of eight-thousand square feet.

“We love watching the ocean and surf conditions while we’re eating our breakfast. Full moons rising over the ocean are beautiful and sunsets over the lake are too,” Buchan told the real estate rags.

“It’s a surfer’s dream,” Ace says of his customised garage.
Across the road and you’re dancing on Avoca’s dazzling sands.

The selling agent ain’t wrong when he describes the joint as, “The perfect example of a gorgeous family home situated on one of the finest streets and sought-after neighbourhoods in Avoca Beach.”

Since moving in a decade-and-a-half ago, the Buchans have landscaped the gardens, put in a new kitchen and done up the bathrooms, as well as renovating the entire downstairs space, “ideal for teenagers and visitors” etc.

The garage, meanwhile, is a masterwork for anyone with too many surfboards.

“It’s a surfer’s dream,” says Buchan.

Logan (center) smiling through tears of pain.
Logan (center) smiling through tears of pain.

In absolute miracle, World Surf League CEO Erik Logan resurfaces after suffering life-threatening reef injury with heavily bandaged, bootied foot, smiling through red-rimmed eyes and clear pain!

Rejoice In Public.

Those lit candles worked! They really worked! In a miraculous turn, the World Surf League’s CEO Erik Logan has reemerged after two agonizing days of absence on the heels of suffering a life-threatening reef injury in Tahiti. In a video, posted directly to social media, Logan captured his lightly scraped right foot before turning the camera toward WSL deputy commissioner Renato Hickel who stoically declared that it was time to apply “lemon, lime” to the wounds in an emergency procedure.

Head judge Pritamo Ahrendt stood by, equally grave, providing some sort of nursing advice.

The public began to panic, in Logan’s absence, then move through the stages of grief, wondering if the Oklahoma native had succumbed to staph infection and/or if Hickel was qualified to be practicing triage, Ahrendt certified to assist.

But here we are exalting.

In the latest image (top), Logan can be seen flanked by the just-wrapped Outerknown Pro’s victors and runners-up. He is smiling but, on closer examination, his eyes are extremely red-rimmed, as if recently weeping, and his injured paw heavily bandaged, shrouded in a reef booty.


Extremely brave and celebrations are certain to be held across the surfing world.

Many oversized leis.


Rejoice in Public.

Not cool. Or is it?
Not cool. Or is it?

Police on high alert in La Jolla after spike in wantonly violent surf altercations at Windansea: “Punches thrown and a surfer held underwater for what he estimated to be 30 seconds!”

Locals only!

The ink is not yet dry on the the bannerAngriest Man in Surfing” but Malibu’s Andy Lyons, who earned the title by smashing a rock into a yellow alternative crafted surfboard then paddling out beyond the pier, may have competition down the coast in tony La Jolla.

Local news is reporting that police in the area have stepped up surveillance around Windansea after a spike in wantonly violent surf altercations in the water and on shore.

Per La Jolla Light:

The afternoon of Aug. 13, a male surfer and some others in the water got into an argument that led to “throwing some punches” and the surfer being held underwater for “what he estimated was about 30 seconds,” according to SDPD Officer Brian Avera, who oversees investigations in the department’s Northern Division, which includes La Jolla. The surfer did not give a reason for the argument in his statement to police.

“It was a very dangerous situation,” Avera said. “If anyone has been taken underwater and thought they were going to die, that is going to get our attention.”

There have been problems at Windansea for years, “almost to the point that it is a generational issue,” Avera said. But this was the first major altercation to be reported to the Police Department, he said.

“In general, we have had fights in the area … that are more of a territory thing; people feel it is their area to surf,” Avera said. “So we are certainly going to be vigilant and make sure we are allocating our resources throughout La Jolla to make sure it stays safe. We are dedicating more personnel, seven days a week, even overtime, to the area.”

In the Malibu case, the man who owned the alternative craft surfboard (wrongly identified as a “boy” early on), refused to go to the police, earning Lyons’ respect.

The underwater surfer, apparently, chose to involve law enforcement and may gain appreciation from onetime Stab editor Ashton Goggans.

Have you views, in any case, evolved as they relate to surf violence or are you still a grumpy local?

More as the story develops.