Naughty sex bots infiltrate World Surf League family-friendly website titillating fans with illicit, possibly illegal, pleasure: “Love to cheap f*ck? Then we’re in!”

Chas Smith

By Chas Smith

NC-17.

Exactly-ish two month ago, the World Surf League had never been higher. Coming off an exciting Surf City El Salvador Pro, CEO Erik Logan sat down with Boardsport Source and delivered stunning news of competitive professional surfing’s great health. Revenue is up 20%, brand partners are up 35%, the digital audience up 62%, viewership numbers for the new Challenger Series up a whopping 92% and consumption of the aforementioned CS up a mind-boggling 300%.

Happy days finally here again. Except… since that glorious reveal things have not gone, exactly, according to plan. Citing “lack of financial support,” the League cancelled the upcoming Quiksilver/Roxy Pro France, normally docile fans rounded on the Senior Vice President of Competition, Head of Tours and all hell otherwise broke loss-loss.

Well, to make matters even worse, it was revealed last evening that naughty sex bots have now infiltrated worldsurfleague.com and are titillating families with illicit, possibly illegal, pleasures.

Profoundly disturbing on multiple levels, though do you think the WSL tacitly approves? Subtly shifting from professional surfing to a business that actually makes money?

Hmmmm.

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Open Thread: Comment Live on potential final’s day of “world’s most popular surf contest” the US Open of Surfing!

Chas Smith

By Chas Smith

Get Zeke'd!

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Iconic surf city and site of WSL world title San Clemente decider to debate “god ordained” resolution declaring it an abortion-free zone as shocked mayor responds, “(The) document could have been written by a Taliban tribunal, and I’ll say that as a conservative, pro-life Republican!”

Derek Rielly

By Derek Rielly

“We believe that life is God-ordained and God is the author and finisher of every life. No matter if at the beginning or at the end."

Give and inch and they’ll take a mile or so the old proverb goes.

It ain’t a secret that the pretty surf town of San Clemente, home to the cream of American surfing, including Kolohe Andino and Griffin Colapinto as well as “cool mom that will let everyone drink at the house as long as no one’s driving” Matt Biolos, leans to the right politically. 

It’s changing, howevs. 

In 1980, over seventy percent of its residents voted Republican, plunging to fifty-three in the Trump-Biden showdown two years go. 

Still, the joint is redder than most. 

And, ever since Roe v Wade got iced, giving states the right to allow, or more pointedly, disallow, abortions, San Clemente’s pro-lifers have come out swinging. 

In a resolution set to be debated on August 16, Councilman Steven Knoblock, yeah ironic, writes in part, “We believe that life is God-ordained and God is the author and finisher of every life. No matter if at the beginning or at the end. We stand in agreement that, as a City Council, we will protect and sustain life at every stage.” 

Knoblock wants the City Counsel to “considers life to begin at conception” and to push back against Planned Parenthood health centres or anywhere the unborn are killed. 

Per the LA Times, “There probably isn’t a family in America that hasn’t been impacted by abortion,” Knoblock said. “The [resolution] will get people thinking about what society has been doing for 50 years.”

San Clemente’s mayor Gene Walsh, also red, said he was “appalled” by the resolution, “It appears to me to be a document that could have been written by a Taliban tribunal, and I’ll say that as a conservative, pro-life Republican.”

Still, the mayor says “there is no issue that’s more important to me than protecting the unborn”.

The resolution, even if passed, is mostly symbolic.

“The fact is, California is a state where abortion is legal and there’s nothing the San Clemente City Council can do about that regardless of whether we are pro-life or pro-choice,” said Walsh.

Knoblock’s retort is that the rez is necessary ’cause it puts pressure on the state to change the law.

“The cities and counties in the state are part of that process,” Knoblock said. “I just wanted our voice to be heard from San Clemente.”

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The irresistible Peter Mel!

Dirty Water: Beloved surf-hero Peter Mel on his bombshell wave at Mavericks and the reckless flirtation with Methamphetamine that nearly put him behind bars, “When you’re at your lowest it feels nothing can help you!”

Derek Rielly

By Derek Rielly

The year of the Condor continues!

Methamphetamine is a terrific drug if used in correct proportion and for right reasons etc, a weekend-long sex party, to put the brakes on a kid with ADHD.

For Peter Mel, the big-wave surfer turned occasional WSL commentator from Santa Cruz, California, he put on the beast’s collar ’cause, well, that’s what y’do when you’re chasing rhinos in northern California.

Mel, who is fifty-three, no longer has the foaming jaws of a meth addict. Today he is the sort of man who loves his children with a passion, his parents with respect, his wife with generosity and his friends with loyalty.

He wears slightly too big flannel shirts and pants with stone washing applied at the factory.

On January 8 last year, Pete rode a thirty-foot tube at Mavs.

“Everyone on earth should see this ride,” said Kelly Slater.

In this interview by Ben Mondy, Pete talks about how he stuck his lance into that monster wave’s neck, how he was lucky to avoid jail during his meth years and the mysterious beauty of BeachGrit’s below-the-line commentators.

 

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Lau (right) and world's other greatest surfer Tia Blanco (right).
Lau (right) and world's other greatest surfer Tia Blanco (right).

Surf fans to have trouble falling asleep like its Christmas Eve when realizing “Ultimate Surfer” Zeke Lau into quarterfinals of world’s most popular surf contest, burnishing reputation as being better than Kelly Slater!

Chas Smith

By Chas Smith

Try to sleep tonight.

Fans of competitive professional surfing, or not fans maybe but those who watched ABC’s much-lauded The Ultimate Surfer just last summer and fell in love with its winner Zeke Lau, went to sleep thrilled, tonight, realizing their hero has made it into the quarterfinals of the US Open of Surfing in Huntington Beach which just so happens to be the most popular surf contest in the world.

The premise of the aforementioned The Ultimate Surfer program was to find just that, the “ultimate surfer,” a surfer so good as to rip that crown off 11x World Champion Kelly Slater’s head and wear it, proudly, 12x at least.

Lau won, was given wildcards into the 2022 Championship Tour season, which he didn’t need because he qualified by his lonesome, then apparently lost those wildcards as we was beheaded in the World Surf League’s brutal mid-year cut.

Fans of competitive professional surfing, or not fans maybe but those who watched ABC’s emotionally successful The Ultimate Surfer just last summer, became extremely sad, then, wondering if Lau was not, perhaps, the promised savior.

Now that he is in the quarterfinals of the world’s most popular surf contest though?

Headed up against Jacob Wilcox?

Sorry, Liam O’Brien?

Christmas morning tomorrow.

Imagine he wins.

Imagine he wins the whole thing.

Will you riot?

Surfing, in any case, for the win.

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Jon Pyzel and Matt Biolos by @theneedforshutterspeed/Step Bros
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