Australia retains crown as #1 nation in the world for “citizen policing” after teen surfers threatened with massive fines for opening lagoon entrances to create standing waves, “(It’s) illegal and can be dangerous for members of the public!”

Australia's rep as a nation of rule-flouting larrikins takes fatal blow!

A big part of the white Australian psyche is a supposed rebel spirit borne from its convict beginnings in the nineteenth century, men, women, kids ripped from the motherland and thrust into a wild, tough country.

The truth is very different, of course.

Australia is marked by its slavish adherence to rules, whether its water restrictions (citizen police diligently telephoning authorities if a water is being unlawfully watered), driving at a determined speed limit or ensuring music is neither heard nor played after nine pm.

A country of docile rule-followers, demonstrated most recently by the population’s response to the most draconian pandemic lockdowns in the world, the few protesters quickly dispersed with rubber bullets and swarms of police arresting the uncooperative.

And, all aided and abetted by armies of citizen police armed with sharp eyes and telephones.

After an ungodly amount of rain on Australia’s east coast, surfers on Sydney’s northern beaches used shovels to open up lagoons to create standing waves, something that’s been happening for decades.

Real good, real clean fun,.

Not any more. Citizen cops, along with local councillors, have combined to call for a shutdown of the “illegal” activity, kids threatened with $1100 fines if they take up a shovel.

The warming came after a member of Dee Why’s citizen police force “saw people, including four teens, with spades digging a channel to the ocean from Dee Why Lagoon on Saturday, September 10… he witnessed the the two adults watching the teenagers, aged 12 to 14, create a metre-wide trench. The resident, who asked not to be named, told the Manly Daily that the trench soon opened to close to 4m wide and started funnelling a large flow of water. ‘It created a large wave that the children were surfing on with surfboards. I asked one parent what they were doing and the man said ‘I know some people don’t like it, but it’s fun for the kids and people have been doing it here for years’. I was told I’m part of the fun police.’”

The council, for its part, warned, “Unauthorised lagoon openings are illegal and can be dangerous for members of the public. The water outflow often develops into ‘standing waves’, with particularly dangerous downward pressure. This can trap even strong swimmers.”


Equality! (pictured)

Unicorn fan of Kelly Slater’s Surf Ranch Pro discovered in most unlikely of places: “The pool can be such an important part of social inclusion, especially in places that are miles far from the ocean, but it needs to be much publicized to make an impact for thousands in the future!”

"Losers."

The World Surf League released its 2023 Championship Tour schedule but days ago unleashing a torrent of vitriol so full-throated, so purely grouchy from fans of professional surfing to make even the grumpiest of surf journalists blush. The issues twofold. Holding Final’s Day at Lower Trestles yet again thereby gifting the world’s greatest little wave surfer Filipe Toledo his second crown, yes, but mostly the reintroduction of Kelly Slater’s Surf Ranch Pro.

The tank hosted two contests before, much to the chagrin of… everyone. While very fun to surf, it is absolutely painful to watch, pure torture, and fans of professional surfing rejoiced when it was disappeared last year.

But it is back and rage.

RAGE against that machine.

Being serious about my craft, though, the aforementioned grumpy surf journalism, I purposed to find but one positive perspective about the Surf Ranch Pro, digging through hundreds upon hundreds of comments, thousands even, on the World Surf League’s usually tepid platform, on CEO Erik Logan’s, on Head of Competition Jessi Miley-Dyer’s but nothing.

Not one ray of light.

So you can imagine my utter shock when visiting BeachGrit’s lightly-trafficked Instagram page, earlier today, I stumbled upon the one, the only, happy take.

 

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A post shared by BeachGrit (@beach.grit)

Joao Luna, who writes under the name jpluna05, penned, “I don’t get all the buzz about the surf ranch. Such a great place for the fans, sponsors and much more. It’s just one stop there FFS! The pool can be such an important part of social inclusion, especially in places that are miles far from the ocean, but it needs to be much publicized to make an impact for thousands in the future. Now, I believe the format can be changed to add a bit more action to it. Some behaviours like a local trying to keep their beach point untouchable. Losers.”

Kelly Slater’s Surf Ranch Pro a beacon of ethical responsibility!

I cannot wait for the World Surf League’s Logan and Miley-Dyer to stumble upon this message and broadcast it right.

Planting justice in the desert.


Americans, long used to international sporting dominance, greedily lick lips as Kolohe Andino, Nat Young, Griff Colapinto remain in hunt for World Surfing Games gold!

Redeem Team!

America is, without doubt, an Olympic powerhouse tallying 1755 more medals, since the Games’ rebirth in 1896, than its nearest competitor that just so happens to be defunct (RIP USSR). Absolute and utter dominance and the country’s general public, residing from sea to shining sea, may well have expected absolute and utter domination over surfing as it made its grand debut two summers ago.

Carissa Moore did her part, taking gold for the red, white, blue on the women’s side but the men were put to shame by Brazil, Japan and Australia in that order.

Unchill.

But might redemption be nigh? The World Surfing Games is currently underway in sunny Huntington Beach and, I think*, three Americans are still in the draw.

Kolohe Andino, Nat Young, Griffin Colapinto.

Each surfs on World Surf League’s Champion Tour with the exception, possibly, of Nat Young. Each Californian. And get this, the country that wins the World Surfing Games gets an extra slot for an Olympic surfer (three instead of two). Let’s say either Andino, Young or Colapinto win this thing. Let’s say they, each, head to the 2024 Teahupo’o Olympics.

Sweep?

Watch here!

*I really don’t know how to read this.


Inspirational.

Multi-disciplinary waterman Mark Zuckerberg under siege following claim he stiffed builder of $133,000 following build of a “Jungle House & Cabin” and “Tree Houses” on his 133 acre Kauai property!

Trouble in paradise!

The former BFF of big-wave honeypot Kai Lenny has come under fire following a series of suits related to his 300-acre property on Kauai or, to quote Chas, “the cocoon wherein the Harvard honorary degree holder entered a worm and exited a butterfly.”

The thirty-eight-year-old Zuckerberg’s transformation from “pale silicon drone” to foil and fight king is the stuff of legend. 

Foiling down the Ne Pali coastline with Lenny, choking the hell out of his sparring partners.

However, not all is cool, as the kids say, in Zuckerberg’s bucolic paradise. 

After dumping BFF Kai Lenny for MMA expert and UFC debutante Kha “The Shadow” Wu, Zuck has had to fend off claims from the builder of his $2.9 million “Jungle House and Cabin” and “Tree Houses” that he stiffed him of 133k. 

Williams Construtions claims it “has not been paid for all of its labor, materials, and equipment as agreed” and “(Zuck’s company) has failed and/or refused to make payment in accordance with Williams’s requests.”

A spokesperson for the Zucks told Kauai Now, “To our knowledge, we have paid all invoices submitted by Williams Construction in full.”

Whether the claim is right or no, why the billionaire don’t just cut a check to get the damn thing off his back remains a mystery. 

Meanwhile, the family of a former security guard has filed a wrongful death suit against the Zucks after the seventy-year-old guard, Rodney Medeiros, died of a heart attack shortly after walking up a steep and muddy hill on the property.

Zuckerberg, who is worth sixty-billion dollars, give or take a few bill, offered the fam seven-and-a-half gees to bury ol Rodney.

Either he tight or a believer in fighting for the truth, no matter how minuscule the amount.


The queen, king?, of shred, Stephanie Gilmore. | Photo: ASP

Push to integrate men’s and women’s surfing grows as left-leaning journal reveals,”Separating sports by sex doesn’t make sense” and “Genz Zers reject a strict gender binary!”

A brave and beautiful new world.

One thing I learned having a daughter that surfed was, until a certain age, there wasn’t much that separated the sexes.

Girls, although wildly outnumbered, regularly won contests and demonstrated the same stratospheric improvement in skills groms get from long days spent in the ocean, free of the need to work or tend to kids etc. 

Then, around twelve, the girls split into their div and the boys into theirs. And, what happened when the genders were divided was the boys continue to improve, due, largely, to the volume of boys surfing. 

Meaning if there’s fifty boys in the boardriders club, a few of ‘em are going to be preternaturally talent, whereas if there’s six or eight girls, it’s way less likely.

Ergo, competition brings out the skill, not a little extra muscle and  weight. 

If Stephanie Gilmore had gone through the men’s system, boys junior events, the men’s qualifying series, you think she wouldn’t be a level above even what she is now? 

Anyway, I ain’t sure about other sports, MMA, boxing, swimming, football and so on, muscle and power count for everything there, but The Atlantic’s Maggie Mertens argues we gotta smash the gender binary in her (guessing the pronoun here) story, “Separating Sports by Sex Doesn’t Make Sense”. 

 “Gen Zers are more likely than members of previous generations to reject a strict gender binary altogether,” she writes. “Maintaining this binary in youth sports reinforces the idea that boys are inherently bigger, faster, and stronger than girls in a competitive setting—a notion that’s been challenged by scientists for years.”

And, 

“Though sex differences in sports show advantages for men, researchers today still don’t know how much of this to attribute to biological difference versus the lack of support provided to women athletes to reach their highest potential.” 

Where do you stand?

Binary, non-binary or do you,  like I, enjoy any kind of sugar in your bowl?