One-time war-torn banana republic El Salvador quietly establishes itself as most important country in today’s professional surfing seascape!

The Savior.

While important stories on Jonah Hill, Nathan Florence becoming a baron and etc. continue to dominate headlines, a very subtle yet profound shift has occurred in the world of professional surfing. Namely, the rise of El Salvador.

The one-time war-torn banana republic has been on the forefront of cryptocurrency, yes, but the very height of professional surfing too. El Salvador is set to host its second World Surf League Championship Tour stop next year but, more importantly, will decide Olympic gold.

Battling Huntington Beach, the self-proclaimed “Surf City” in El Sunzai and La Bocana has just been announced as the host of the International Surfing Association’s 2023 World Surfing Games.

Per the press release:

“El Salvador continues to solidify itself as an essential part of the pathway to Olympic surfing,” ISA President Fernando Aguerre said.

“We are grateful to President Bukele and [Tourism] Minister [Morena] Valdez for their understanding of the ISA’s mission, but also for their strong commitment to surfing.

“We are happy to continue to expand and strengthen this partnership, and to show the world that El Salvador is a surfing destination worthy of the world’s best events and surfers.

“Our surfers and teams from around the world have come to love and appreciate El Salvador’s beauty, warm hospitality and excellent waves.

“We look forward to returning next year as part of our paddle for a better world through surfing.”

The country’s president also added, “Surf is freedom.”

Can you imagine anything better than paddling for a better world?

Surf being freedom, as dictated from on high?

Should we move to El Salvador yesterday?

Between this and crypto, I’m begging for a negative take.

Viva the savior.

Epic romance between Hollywood superstar Jonah Hill and surf instructor girlfriend Sarah Brady reportedly ends as the Malibu local is photographed smooching fashion maven Olivia Millar!

Hill in scarlet surf trunks, adorable masculine tits bare and with hair newly cropped pushes his hot hollow against the port thigh of Miller in a green and gold bikini.

Barely had the clutter of Chas Smith’s keystrokes subsided in his Cardiff burrow as he reported the news Jonah Hill had become a Mercedes van-driving surf nomad this morning, than word filtered through that Jonah has shuttered his relationship with his surf instructor girlfriend Sarah Brady.

In February, Brady a twenty-ish environmental activist and anthropologist with a bachelor degree in Cognitive Science & Sustainability from the University of California, Santa Cruz (2015-2019) posted a photo of her and Hill at Waikiki, the pair sitting side by side on their respective logs, hands tenderly imprisoned, a secret fire burning only for each other, Hill’s hair flying like a golden banner, Diamond Head perfectly framed behind the lovers.

“Two more months and we get to call this gorgeous place home,” wrote Brady, letting the cat outta the bag that she and the Academy Award nominated actor-cum-director would move from his nine-million dollar “windowless monolith” with its 3600 square feet of lebensraum in Malibu Colony, a guarded, gated beachfront setup footsteps from the point made famous by anti-hero Miki Dora, to the magical island of Oahu.

Sadly, it would be Brady’s last post of the pair together.

Perhaps to prove his point that he’s staying put in Malibu, two months ago Hill bought a joint across the street from the monolith that has its own stairs down to the water’s edge.

And, now, sharp-eyed paparazzi have photographed Olivia Miller, sister of model Raychel Roberts, and the co-founder of the online vintage shopping site Chasseresse, in a passionate clutch near Malibu.

On a gorgeous fall day, the pair are face to face, Hill in scarlet surf trunks, adorable masculine tits bare and with hair newly cropped, pushing his hot hollow against the port thigh of Miller in a green and gold bikini.

Paps report Hill is currently in Santa Barbara and heading north in his Mercedes Van.

Heir to Miki Dora’s Malibu throne Jonah Hill pokes head from reclusive lifestyle transition, spotted outside luxury camper van after Ventura surf session!

He's baaaaaack!

Surfers near and far are very aware of the great Miki Dora, how he owned Malibu during halcyon days then became vaguely reclusive, popping back on the scene from time to time before popping back out. Mystery and mayhem. Well, it appears that his heir apparent, one Jonah Hill, has taken notes and become something of a cenobite himself.

Hill recently announced that he would know longer promote his films in a public-facing manner, as it causes anxiety, and also deleted his Instagram.

Vanished from view… until, that is, he was spotted near Ventura, California in a “luxury camper.”

The Daily Mail described the “Mercedes adventure vehicle, also known as the Beast Mode 4×4” thusly:

The luxury camper van is fully decked out with mod-cons that include a two-person bed, tons of storage space, a shower, fridge and microwave.

It also is also equipped with a state of the art AC and heating system and gets its power from solar panels that are mounted on the roof.

Hill was companionless, in keeping with his new lifestyle choices, though seemed happy to be snapped, smiling and sharing a generous thumbs up.

You must click here to see.

Heart warming.

But where do you think he will go in the Beast Mode 4×4? Down Baja? Mainland Mex? Through the Darién Plug?

Adventure awaits.

Ziff spiking (courtesy Forbes).
Ziff spiking (courtesy Forbes).

World Surf League owner Dirk Ziff rockets up Forbes definitive list of American billionaires on strength of robust professional surfing growth!

To the moon!

American billionaires around the world had trouble sleeping last night as they knew Forbes would be releasing its definitive guide to some of the world’s richest people in the early morning. Who would rise? Who would fall? Who would be feted and who would be deeply shamed, unable to show poverty-stricken face in polite society again?

Well, let’s all stand and cheer professional surfing’s grand patron, the one and only Dirk Ziff who soared up one whole place to land at equal 160.

The spike can only be attributed to the most watched season in World Surf League history.

Numbers, still trickling in, are robust though very much denied by correspondent JP Currie who called them “ludicrous” and declared it a “campaign of such deliberate misinformation and manipulation that it amounts to sheer lies.”

Forbes, though, knows this sort of game better than we do and must have weighed those 8.3 million viewers for Final’s Day, there on Lower Trestles cobbled stone, accurately. Assigning each real value. Launching wealth. Ziff, and his brothers, are each worth $5.7 billion and while I don’t know where his brothers invested their riches I know surfing and I know stratospheric surges and I read chief strategist Dave Prodan discuss the reality of boom.

To the moon.

Speaking of, Elon Musk took the number one slot with his $251 billion, a whole $100b over number two Jeff Bezos. Surfing’s Mark Zuckerberg fell to eleven.

Savor the rest here.

Thank you for professional surfing.
Thank you for professional surfing.

Leading World Surf League correspondent lashes out over recent viewership announcements: “The WSL’s numbers are ludicrous. It’s a campaign of such deliberate misinformation and manipulation of statistics that it amounts to sheer lies.”

We have made these decisions for YOU.

Are there millions of fans of pro surfing we’re unaware of?

How about, Mr Logan, you tell us how many unique viewers there were. Or how many people were tuned in simultaneously at the peak of the Finals.

I’d warrant those numbers are spectacular in a very different way.

What do we think? 20k? 30k, tops?

Are you really telling us, Mr Erik Logan, that the WSL Finals were more popular than last year’s NBA conference finals, watched by an average of 7 million viewers (East) and 6.7 million (West)?

The 2022 Champions’ League Final between Liverpool and Real Madrid averaged just 2.76 million viewers in the US. Granted, soccer is still a growing sport in North America, but it’s significantly more popular than surfing.

Plain and simple: the WSL’s numbers are ludicrous. It’s a campaign of such deliberate misinformation and manipulation of statistics that it amounts to sheer lies.

The quest for data is a goldrush. It’s the mark of Erik Logan’s media savvy, if you could call it that. Whilst new for surfing, it’s hardly an original tactic. In fact, internet culture is predicated on it.

Consider TikTok, the app that has monetised our attention and vanity like no other. By the numbers, TikTok crushes all else. Where Instagram or YouTube offered millions, TikTok gives you trillions. Nevermind overnight fame, TikTok can make you famous in a few hours.

But where are these views coming from? What does it mean? How are they generated? What exactly constitutes a “view”?

These are questions no-one knows the answer to. TikTok is owned by the Chinese company, ByteDance, and they’re not exactly transparent.

Do the end users of the app care? Not in the least. They just see numbers. They don’t question them.

The WSL strategy is no different: here are some numbers that look impressive. Nevermind the evidence.

Fiddling the numbers may work in the short term. If the play is to make the WSL look like a catch so Ziff can offload it, then Logan and his campaign of nonsense is bang on. But if they really care about long term stability, the core fanbase, or the quality of the product on offer, the strategy is sorely wanting.

Where does this less-than-inviting schedule leave Medina and Florence? There should be little debate that these are the two most talented and well-rounded male surfers in the world. But would you, in their shoes, be motivated to return?

Is John Florence likely to tie up Vela and forgo chasing empty waves in the South Pacific to scratch around in the mush at Trestles, or be ousted by Filipe Toledo in a knee-threatening air show?

As for us, we’ll still watch, like the black and blue spouse who swears it doesn’t happen often. He’s just under a lot of stress, you see. Things will get better. It’s my fault, really.

But although the WSL may not lose us or care if it does, it should very much care about losing its stars.

The machinations of the WSL are nothing short of Orwellian. They do not hear, they do not care.

And in Orwellian fashion, only those who keep the machine going, the surfers themselves, have the power to do anything about it. Not that they ever will.

And who can blame them? Look how their little petition was scrumpled and dismissed after Margaret River.

We have made these decisions for YOU.


DO NOT QUESTION our strategies or structure.

But unlike Orwell’s proles, living in blissful ignorance of the meagre existence they are subjected to, the competitors on the WCT, men and women of the world as they are, surely know that the Tour schedule (and arguably, structure) is not as it should be. They know better waves exist.

They might squeak dissent in private, yet none seem willing to stand against Eric Logan’s cult of personality. Instead, they will shut up and get on with it.

They will begin the season at Pipe, knowing full well it should be the end.

They will return to Kelly’s Ranch, each sweltering and seething silently in the stink of Lemore’s heat. Nodding graciously to Kelly as they pass his trailer. “Yes, sir. Thankyou, sir. Please, sir, may we have some more?”

And they will trudge despondently back to Trestles, neutered and spayed by a venue that makes professional surfing look like it has all the verve of a model railway exhibition.

If you want a picture of the future, imagine Eric Logan’s clean Vans stamping on the face of surf culture – forever.