Chaotic scenes on Australian beach as Great White shark attacks teenager during paddle race, throwing him into the air, “I was in the water and I saw this figure fall back into the water. A big shark!”

Derek Rielly

By

"I immediately just ripped my leg rope off and I swam towards these guys here who were paddling towards me."

After a few bumper seasons, multiple deaths, kids, moms, Dads, swimmers, surfers, divers, Great Whites have been a little quiet this year.

Yeah, there was the swimmer who was hit and killed by a fifteen-foot Great White shark at Little Bay, a few clicks south of Maroubra beach in Sydney’s south-east, in February, filmed and broadcast around the world.

But since then, very little activity, until yesterday when a kid competing in a surf ski race at Seacliff in South Oz, was hit by a twelve-foot Great White.

Nat Drummond, who is nineteen, was a click into the race, mid-morning, when the White hit, from below as they do, biting through his fibreglass ski and real close to getting a hunk of his ass.

“My ski just kind of lifted above the water and then next thing I knew I was in the air and then I was in the water and I saw this figure fall back into the water. A big shark,” he told 9News. “I immediately just ripped my leg rope (attached to the surf ski) off and I swam towards these guys here who were paddling towards me, thankfully, and then just jumped onto their craft and pulled me out of the water to safety.”

The kid wasn’t too put off by the hit, howevs.

“It was an absolute freak accident. One of those one-in-a-million things that happened,” he said, before reassuring beachgoers, “We were out in pretty deep waters, this shouldn’t put other people off.”

He did say he might “go and buy a lottery ticket.”

Comments
0
Load Comments
0
Cardi B (pictured) scanning our kind for next scalp. Image: @iamcardib
Cardi B (pictured) scanning our kind for next scalp. Image: @iamcardib

Cardi B goes on anti-surf warpath after winning lawsuit over surf team manager, trains ire on surf broadcasting legend Kaipo Guerrero’s famous ex Madonna!

Chas Smith

By

Scary days.

As you have certainly read by now, pop sensationalist Cardi B has officially won the lawsuit brought against her by RVCA’s surf team manager Mike Brophy. At issue was an image of Brophy’s tattooed back placed in a compromising position on Cardi B’s album cover. Brophy was seeking $5 million for damages to reputation etc. but a judge ruled against him.

Taking a victory lap, Cardi B lined up her sights and let Madonna have it next.

In a post celebrating her book S.E.X., Madonna penned, “I spent the next few years being interviewed by narrow minded people who tried to shame me for empowering myself as a woman. Now Cardi B can sing about her WAP, Kim Kardashian can grace the cover of any magazine with her naked ass, and Miley Cyrus can come in like a wrecking ball. You’re welcome bitches…(clown emoji).”

Cardi B, not happy, responded, “I literally payed this woman homage so many times cause I grew up listening to her…she can make her point without putting clown emojis and getting slick out the mouth…These icons really become disappointments once u make it in the industry that’s why I keep to myself.”

And later doubled down, replying on Twitter, “EXACTLY SAY WAT YOU WANT TO SAY BUT DONT INSULT ME THE FUCK …nobody gonna lil girl me (specially a white woman).”

While music fans went back and forth about who was right and who was wrong, surfers began quietly trembling. Madonna is, of course, famous for her S.E.X. book but most famous for dating the most beloved of World Surf League commentators, one Kaipo Guerrero.

The handsome Guerrero can be seen, and heard, during virtually all of the WSL’s Championship Tour broadcasting season and brings warmth, charm, grace and knowledge to our favorite pastime.

A legend.

The aforementioned and Madonna dated in 1985 which clearly aggravated Cardi B. If she is able to take The Material Girl out, as proxy, after smashing Brophy, who might be next?

Matt Biolos?

Jonah Hill?

Pip Toledo?

Jessi Miley-Dyer?

Scary days.

Comments
0
Load Comments
0
Generational talent (pictured).
Generational talent (pictured).

American internet providers scramble to increase capacity as World Surf League announces television re-broadcast of most-watched Final’s Day in history!

Chas Smith

By

Cancel your plans.

“Cord cutting” was supposed to free us all from the bondage of cable, satellite dishes, of entertainment packages we did not care for but were forced to buy. We were supposed to win choice, freedom, a paradise of watching what we want, when we want but alas, reality has not been quite as rosy. It costs a fortune to buy every little separate thing, for one, and our viewing pleasure depends on rock solid internet speeds.

Well, American fans of professional surfing are, this morning, scrambling to add ESPN2 to their channels, damn the cost, while television streamers are frantically trying to increase capacity as the World Surf League has announced that the most watched event in history is set to be re-broadcast tonight.

Per the press release:

The 2022 Rip Curl WSL Finals had it all. In front of the huge crowd at Lower Trestles, a generational talent battled to win his well-deserved first World Title and a legend cemented her legacy as the greatest of all time. Relive the action and watch WSL Presents: The Rip Curl WSL Finals Tonight at 8pm PST/11pm EST on ESPN2.

The huge crowd at Lower Trestles.

A generational talent.

A legend cementing legacy as GOAT.

Prepare for regional brownouts.

Comments
0
Load Comments
0
No five-mill pay day for Brophy.

Costa Mesa surfer and tattoo model loses $5 million lawsuit to Afro-Latinx rapper Cardi B over sexually charged album cover, “Your honor, I’m a freak bitch, handcuffs, leashes… I want you to park that big Mack truck right in this little garage!”

Derek Rielly

By

“It looks like I’m giving oral sex to somebody that’s not my wife, somebody that’s not my partner, and an image that I never signed off on, ever."

After a five-year legal batter, Costa Mesa surfer, tattoo model and RVCA team manager Mike Brophy has lost his five-million dollar lawsuit against Afro-Latinx rapper Cardi B despite his back art being used on the cover of her 2016 album Gangsta Bitch Music Vol 1.

The album’s cover shows a tattooed man eating hell out of Belcalis Marlenis Almánzar aka Cardi B’s “wet ass pussy”, while she examines the photographer with a quizzical eye, apparently able to have orgasms indefinitely until physical exhaustion intervenes.

Brophy’s lawyer told the court his client’s life had been “disrupted” and that the album cover turned his “Michelangelo piece” into something “raunchy and disgusting.”

Brophy’s lawyer told the court his client’s life had been “disrupted” and that the album cover turned his “Michelangelo piece” into something “raunchy and disgusting.”

The album’s cover shows a tattooed man eating hell out of Belcalis Marlenis Almánzar aka Cardi B’s “wet ass pussy”, while she examines the photographs with a quizzical eye, apparently able to have orgasms indefinitely until physical exhaustion intervenes.

“It looks like I’m giving oral sex to somebody that’s not my wife, somebody that’s not my partner, and an image that I never signed off on, ever,” Brophy told the court. “Being a father of two and a devoted husband and a man of faith as well, this goes against everything that I stand for, and I would never ever sign off on something like this.

“For me, it was something I took a lot of pride in… Now, that image feels devalued. I feel robbed. I feel completely disregarded. There’s a lot of things I would like to be spending time on. But the only way to get this removed was to come here to this courtroom.”

Yeah, well, on Friday a Santa Ana jury ruled the cover didn’t “cast Brophy in a false light or constitute a misappropriation of his likeness.”

Cardi B said the album cover’s graphic designer Tim Gooden only used “a small portion” of Brophy’s tatts and that the cover use was “transformative fair use of Brophy’s likeness.”

Exiting the court, Brophy reportedly told his nemesis, “At the end of the day, I do respect you as an artist.”

Comments
0
Load Comments
0
Duchess Sussex (below) and Prince Harry discuss dawn patrol options.
Duchess Sussex (below) and Prince Harry discuss dawn patrol options.

Prince Harry and wife Duchess Meghan Markle inch closer to deposing Kelly Slater, Gisele Bündchen as surfing’s king and queen after “core kink” revealed in explosive new interview!

Chas Smith

By

All hail!

What a time to be alive, and a surfer. Our favorite pastime, once the sole pursuit of derelicts and junkies, has transformed itself into a gilded palace for the powerful, rich, multi-talented and gorgeous. But who could have seen Mark Zuckerberg falling in love with, and training to conquer, big waves? Jonah Hill scaling Malibu’s hierarchy and seating himself upon Miki Dora’s throne? Gisele Bündchen on the way to. leaving her husband and (hopefully) re-finding Kelly Slater and being crowned King and Queen of Surfing.

But wait.

A new challenger has just emerged from the likeliest of places.

Actual royalty.

For you have certainly read about Prince Harry, King Charles’ son, and his wife Duchess of Sussex, Meghan Markle and their relocation to the United States of America. But where did they land? In Montecito, of course very near Rincon and the Channel Islands’ shaping bay.

Prince Harry had been pictured surfing in the past but this new coastal move, minutes from Dane Reynolds, all but guaranteed a full embrace.

Next, the two were seen swaying in rhythm at a Jack Johnson concert. Another grand step.

Now, in an expansive new interview, Duchess Sussex revealed an unmissable core kink. When asked, at the end, who “takes more snack breaks” between her and husband, she replied:

It’s funny. People sometimes think we live in Los Angeles, but we’re a good two hours outside of it. We’re commuters. We drove down recently for a day of back-to-back meetings , equipped with chocolate chip cookies the size of my toddler’s head. Also, my husband’s favorite is In-N-Out. There’s one at the halfway point between L.A. and our neck of the woods. It’s really fun to go through the drive-thru and surprise them. They know our order.

I know, exactly, of which In-N-Out she speaks and have stopped there many times, along with every other true grumpy local, on trips to surf Emma Woods, The Ranch and points further north. It is like other In-N-Outs just more silver strandy. Timmy Curran-esque. Al and Britt Merrick-ish.

All hail.

Comments
0
Load Comments
0
Photo: Steve Sherman/@tsherms
EAT BEACHGRIT SPAM!
It's Daily!