Slater (pictured) alone in his bathtub.
Slater (pictured) alone in his bathtub.

In vicious slap upside head of Kelly Slater’s Surf Ranch, Mad Max-inspired Australian Surf Lakes to be built deep in the heart of Texas!


It seems like forever since the world’s greatest surfer Kelly Slater stole poor little Adriano de Souza’s thunder and revealed the future of surfing. His perfect manmade barrel, peeling and reeling on demand, man in tower pushing button and materializing. Our collective jaws dropped, knowing that it would be only a matter of time until the prototype, in Lemoore, would be reproduced in many better places like Palm Springs, Miami, Oklahoma City, etc.

Except zero have been built.

Oh, the dream ain’t dead, tanks are popping up here and there but no not one utilizing Slater’s patented plow.

And now, in a vicious slap upside the head, it has been announced that Mark Occhilupo’s Surf Lake is set be built in Texas.

Per the press release:

Surf Lakes is coming to Austin, Texas. Staying true to the old saying ‘everything is bigger in Texas’; this freshly inked project is set to be the biggest surf park development on the planet.

With a 12-acre Surf Lake at its centre, surrounded by sandy beach, boardwalks, restaurants, hotels, retail shopping and residency, the 400 acre ‘Pura Vida’ high adventure community will be located just south of Austin’s international airport, 20 minutes from downtown, and 15 minutes from the new $10 billion Tesla Gigafactory, (which will employ 20,000 people).

With the land secured, along with zoning, water, and wastewater entitlements, ground-breaking could be as early as mid-2023. With a Capex of roughly $1.3 billion, Pura Vida is on track to be the largest integrated wave pool development in the world.

The land was purchased by local developers seeking to position a Surf Lake as the centrepiece of their high adventure, mixed-use retail and residential community. In addition to the Surf Lakes centrepiece, other high adventure additions will soon be announced for the Pura Vida community.

Could there be any better fit for a Surf Ranch than Texas?

Imagine the gorgeous cosplay available to World Surf League CEO Erik Logan. Where do you think “cowboy” ranks on the list of his childhood dreams?

More as the story develops.

Photo: DJ Struntz.
Photo: DJ Struntz.

After torturing self for new television program, Australian hunk Chris Hemsworth declares surfing very cold water to be worse than starving, drowning!

"Halfway through, my brain felt like it was being stabbed by a thousand knives."

You, of course, know Chris Hemsworth from his many roles playing variations of Thor. You also must know that he is an avid surfer. Oh, not avid in the modern Jonah Hill iteration but actually legitimate. A surfer’s surfer. The Australian hunk regularly folds our favorite pastime into his life and, thus, is aware of both the hassles and joys. The light pains and small euphorias.

Well, you can then imagine my surprise when Hemsworth declared surfing very cold water to be the worst torture on earth. As part of a new docuseries titled Limitless in which our hero “explores the potential of the human body through a gauntlet of grueling ordeals,” the real life superhero took part in simulated drowning exercises, the sort Navy SEALs do, starved himself for days, pulled a truck with his own bulging muscles. And yet, according to the Men’s Journal:

Hemsworth said the most difficult episode to film involved surfing and swimming in 37-degree water in the Norwegian Arctic.

“Halfway through, my brain felt like it was being stabbed by a thousand knives,” he said.

The actor is no stranger to physical challenges, including chilly water — his personal trainer and longtime friend Luke Zocchi previously told Insider that Hemsworth swears by ice baths to help with muscle aches.

Even with the ice bath practice and being a surfer’s surfing, chilly paddling is the worst thing on earth. Comforting to know, I suppose, that those of us who have surfed in the cold are amongst the toughest people on earth.

Go tell your significant other that you and Thor are basically the same, today.

You and Dion Agius (pictured above).

World Surf League CEO Erik Logan achieves boyhood dream, cosplays as fighter pilot during exciting weekend!

It was the best of times.

The dreams and manifestations of World Surf League Chief Executive Erik Logan are becoming the stuff of legend. But who could have ever imagined that a boy from Oklahoma with a Jaws-induced fear of the ocean would be gifted a wetsuit of armor, conquer the blue and set his course to sit at the very height of professional surfing power?

Who would have ever thought that his second wish, as a child, was to become a fighter pilot, zooming across the skies in a jet plane, locked and loaded just like Tom Cruise’s Maverick and that he would achieve similar success in realizing?

All true as Logan spent two days very near Kelly Slater’s Surf Ranch, in Fresno, throwing shakas from cockpits.

Per his very popular Instagram:

What a weekend! Wonderful experience to be with the 194 Fighter Squadron the Griffins all weekend as they went through drill. Meeting the men and women who are defending our country, working to keep these F-15 Eagles in the air, and have dedicated their lives to our safety is beyond humbling. Hearing the stories, and witnessing the family of this figher wing was very speical. Thank you to Col Rob “Tigger” Swertfager for having me on base, and my good Friend Scott “Buzz” Anderson for reaching out to me with this opportunity. More to come from this epic trip! #boyhooddream #f15eagle #liveyourdream. See you at The Merge

Amazing but what do you think is “more to come?”

A Surf Ranch Pro flyover?

Sitting champion Filipe Toledo receiving an opportunity to overcome his fear of heights?

What do you think?

World’s best surfer John John “Rough Boy” Florence celebrates milestone thirtieth birthday somewhere on a yacht in the South Pacific!

Conceived in Austria, raised at Pipeline!

There’s a hint of wildness and pathos in John John Florence’s rough boy persona, the two-time world champion who is the last custodian of the old way, talk softly, carry a big stick.

While his peers chase money and points and glory and everything else, Florence took his girl, his boat and a few pals and headed to the South Pacific for the voyage of a lifetime, exciting fans with semi-regular glimpses of his new life via a satellite connection to the internet.

And, now, the shaggy haired boy who enchanted the world in Vogue fashion spreads and as the first tweenie to ride Pipeline, has turned thirty, can y’believe.

Tributes are flowing thick and fast for the level-headed eldest brother in the Florence triumvirate, which includes stylish Ivan and silly Nathan, although none as heart-felt as that from his lifetime shaper Jon Pyzel.


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A post shared by Pyzel Surfboards (@pyzelsurfboards)

Pyzel, who is a diabolically sexy former model whose looks have been squandered under the hard Pacific sun, writes,

“Little did I know 25 years ago that this tiny blonde kid (and his whole family) would have such a big influence on the course of my life! Great surfer and, more importantly, a damn fine human! Hope you are getting severely barreled somewhere in Fiji today.”

Pyzel has been making boards for John John Florence since his mama Alex brought the boys to see him at his old bay at Sunset Beach and gave him two-hundred dollars for materials to build five-year-old John a board, his first-ever custom surfboard.

The yellow four-six with  halo of orange rails is “hideous to look at” but now exists as a memorial to a boy destined for greatness.

Enclosed is the trailer for his latest film, Gravity, which features music from seventy-three-year-old rocker Ozzy Osbourne.

Slater (pictured) needing to take action.
Slater (pictured) needing to take action.

Surf fans thrown into panic as much younger, heretofore unknown suitor materializes as threat to Kelly Slater and Gisele Bündchen’s fairytale reunion!

Time for action.

Surf fans have been feeling pretty darn good about our chances of a fairytale reunion between Gisele Bündchen and Kelly Slater of late. Many candles lit, the Brazilian supermodel’s estranged husband acting ruffled, potential challengers like Leonardo DiCaprio and Josh Hartnett seemingly sidelined.

The world’s greatest surfer holding priority.

For those unaware, Slater and Bündchen lived a dream, together, from 2005 though 2006. They were iconic, ideal and surf fans have never seen a better pairing.

Alas, Bündchen was swept off her feet by dashing quarterback Tom Brady, and surf fans gave up hope… until a week-plus, that is, when it was revealed that the couple had hired divorce lawyers and were heading for a split.

Surf fans immediately lit candles and tracked every development wide-eyed. Look, there is Bündchen saging her car, sure a sign. And now going to a faith healer exactly the same as Slater. But oh no, Brady’s refusal to retire may have led to the rift? And now, a new heretofore unseen young suitor materializing from nowhere?

Brady’s Tampa Bay Buccaneers just so happened to play Pittsburgh’s Steelers over the weekend and, well…

A bold declaration.

While Slater has been very subtle in his signals, it may be time for him to go all in.

Maybe he can dip his challenger in the trash can like his good friend, the iconic comedian Bill Murray.

Light your traditional candles, please, along with a rosewood scented one.

Rosewood is said to have aphrodisiac qualities.