Environment first.

But let’s stop being polite and start getting real. Where are you, currently, on the issue of electric vehicles? Do you drive, or dream, in Tesla? A car that you could use to whip across town, shaming your greenhouse gas spewing counterparts while also taking them off the line? Maybe a more luxurious Lucid Air? Swedish Polestar? Or do you just scoff at the hole thing, telling your electric vehicle driving friends that they are not, in fact, saving the environment but simply passing their gross onto coal powered plants that hurt the air of working class families?

Well, wherever you find yourself, surfing’s Jonah Hill has just made a bold statement rolling himself to the beach for a recent surf in a army green 2022 Rivian R1T electric truck. When he last saw the heir to Miki Dora’s Malibu throne he was just up the street, in Ventura, having driven himself there in a Mercedes 4×4 Sprinter that had been retrofitted into “Beast Mode.”

The Daily Mail described it thusly:

The luxury camper van is fully decked out with mod-cons that include a two-person bed, tons of storage space, a shower, fridge and microwave.

It also is also equipped with a state of the art AC and heating system and gets its power from solar panels that are mounted on the roof.

Rough estimates suggest the vehicle gets somewhere around 14 miles per gallon.

Carbon belching.

Hill, anyhow, stood chatting with a pal by his new Rivian, which retails near $90,000, wearing loose-fit cuffed blue jeans, a black tee-shirt and green loafers. He also had a bubble-wrapped longboard and, apparently, another longboard in the bed. You must take the whole scene in here and rate it on a scale of 1 – 10.

It must also be noted that he was without female companionship.

Electric boogaloo.

Bite me.

But when was the last time Santa Barbara County had this much heat? That sleepy chunk of California coast, home to a handful of fickle when not unfortunate waves, is typically happy to remain under the radar, as it were, housing the rich and famous whilst, at the same time, avoiding various spotlights.

Alas, in the past few years, Prince Harry of England and his wife Meghan Sussex née Markle had moved into town followed, just yesterday, by American royalty Travis Barker and his bride Kourtney Kardashian. While the notably camera-averse Dane Reynolds may be sad with that glamorous shine, he is certainly sadder with the re-introduction of Tough Guy.

The alleged surfer-killing great white shark had been absent for a hot minute but not hot enough.

Per USA Today:

A tagged great white shark nicknamed Tough Guy has been tracked to an area where at least three attacks on surfers have occurred since 2010.

The male shark, which measured 12 feet when he was tagged in November 2021, pinged this week off Minuteman Beach, 20 miles north of Surf Beach.

Both are on Vandenberg Air Force Base, north of Santa Barbara. Both are open to the public.

Fatal shark attacks occurred at Surf Beach almost exactly two years apart in October 2010 and 2012. A nonfatal bite, also attributed to a white shark, occurred in the same area in 2014.

Yikes.

Getting down to brass tacks, though, would you prefer Tough Guy or Kardashian in your neighborhood?

What if Kardashian was combo’d with Travis Barker?

Think hard before answering.

As it was.

Oh how Kanye West has fallen. The axe of public opinion cleaving his legacy in half. Name no longer allowed uttered in polite society unless its utterance is accompanied by a dismissive eye roll. Maybe a slight sigh and whisper of “mental illness…” with the quick caveat “…but that doesn’t excuse.”

Weeks ago, the entertainer and multi-disciplinary businessman was sitting atop a fortune estimated to be well northwest of 2 billion dollars. Much of that coming from German shoe powerhouse Adidas and its partnership with West’s Yeezy.

Rosy even though controversy was regularly courted.

But then, weeks ago, West tweeted, “I’m a bit sleepy tonight but when I wake up I’m going death con 3 On JEWISH PEOPLE,” and held true to his word, bashing away until most of his partners, including Adidas, dropped him in a huff.

General sentiment bubbled that Adidas may have been a tad late in pulling the plug. As the way things are, though, one company’s trouble is another company’s triumph and here, unexpectedly, we have surf shoemaker Vans as beneficiary.

Per People:

Harry Styles appeared to make a fashion statement in more ways than one.

At his concert at the Kia Forum in California on Monday night, the singer rocked a pair of Vans instead of his usual Adidas x Gucci Gazelles.

Styles, 28, has worn the Adidas kicks for every show on his tour since June — he wears head-to-toe Gucci on stage. However, before the footwear company cut ties with Kanye West following the rapper’s repeated antisemitic comments, Styles made the change to Vans.

The sportswear brand officially dropped West Tuesday morning. A rep for Styles did not immediately respond to PEOPLE’s request for comment.

Observant fans noticed the Vans and cheered Styles for the change.

“Harry Styles wearing adidas every show of tour until they hesitate to drop Kanye and he instantly breaks out vans….. I see u @harry__lambert @Harry_Styles,” tweeted one fan, giving a shout out to Styles and his stylist, Harry Lambert.

Very cool and much needed, too, as Paul Van Doren’s baby has been whispered to be dragging down parent company VF’s overall value.

In any case, and more important for us, will Styles’ adoption of Vans, and the sure-to-be windfall profits, be flipped back into surfing? Maybe taking the legendary Triple Crown and making it real again, as opposed to Zoomed?

Hope springs from ashes.

Raise a Balter.

Tears flowed in San Clemente, Huntington Beach, Lemoore last evening as news that The Travel’s highly anticipated “10 Most Instagrammable Surfing Spots in the World” had finally but finally reached its conclusion with none of the three capturing the top slot, Lemoore shockingly not even included.

Frustration bubbled in Cocoa Beach, as well, where residents had been holding candlelight vigils around the town’s famed Kelly Slater statue both in hopes of a reunion between their most famous first son and his onetime girlfriend Gisele Bündchen. Whilst the home of a giant Ron Jon’s beat Lemoore to get on the list, last place was unexpected.

Dissatisfaction boiled in Croyde, North Devon, landing at number seven, where locals had hoped the local tea rooms might be enough for at least a top three finish.

Flat tires were pushed through floppy lips in Hossegor as native surfers shook their heads in disgust by being placed number two, numéro deux, even though its “sandy white beaches and emerald water make for a stunning (and Instagrammable) backdrop.”

Much sadness in Waikiki, Thurso, Tofino but only boisterous cheers in Noosa, Australia.

Chants of we’re number one!

The Travel declared:

When it comes to the most Instagrammable surf spot, Australia takes the cake. With 16,036 tags, Noosa, Queensland, is the spot for securing good surf pictures. This area was also ranked as the second best surfing spot overall, according to ParkSleepFly’s study. Noosa contains numerous surf breaks- 69 to be exact. The area also includes 2.4 km of coastline and averages water temperatures of 21℃. The country of Australia as a whole is known for its many surfing spots, with Noosa offering the best Instagram photo ops.

Expect a World Surf League event there next year as chief executive Erik Logan and his trusty number two Jessi Miley-Dyer love little more than Instagrammable moments.

Exciting.