Santa Barbara County on high alert after Prince Harry, Kourtney Kardashian, Travis Barker move to town as surfer-killing Great White shark dubbed “Tough Guy” slips back into region!

Bite me.

But when was the last time Santa Barbara County had this much heat? That sleepy chunk of California coast, home to a handful of fickle when not unfortunate waves, is typically happy to remain under the radar, as it were, housing the rich and famous whilst, at the same time, avoiding various spotlights.

Alas, in the past few years, Prince Harry of England and his wife Meghan Sussex née Markle had moved into town followed, just yesterday, by American royalty Travis Barker and his bride Kourtney Kardashian. While the notably camera-averse Dane Reynolds may be sad with that glamorous shine, he is certainly sadder with the re-introduction of Tough Guy.

The alleged surfer-killing great white shark had been absent for a hot minute but not hot enough.

Per USA Today:

A tagged great white shark nicknamed Tough Guy has been tracked to an area where at least three attacks on surfers have occurred since 2010.

The male shark, which measured 12 feet when he was tagged in November 2021, pinged this week off Minuteman Beach, 20 miles north of Surf Beach.

Both are on Vandenberg Air Force Base, north of Santa Barbara. Both are open to the public.

Fatal shark attacks occurred at Surf Beach almost exactly two years apart in October 2010 and 2012. A nonfatal bite, also attributed to a white shark, occurred in the same area in 2014.


Getting down to brass tacks, though, would you prefer Tough Guy or Kardashian in your neighborhood?

What if Kardashian was combo’d with Travis Barker?

Think hard before answering.

Styles (pictured) enjoying waffle sole for breakfast.
Styles (pictured) enjoying waffle sole for breakfast.

Surf shoemaker Vans unexpected beneficiary of Kanye West antisemitic imbroglio as Harry Styles swaps usual Adidas for waffle sole at latest concert!

As it was.

Oh how Kanye West has fallen. The axe of public opinion cleaving his legacy in half. Name no longer allowed uttered in polite society unless its utterance is accompanied by a dismissive eye roll. Maybe a slight sigh and whisper of “mental illness…” with the quick caveat “…but that doesn’t excuse.”

Weeks ago, the entertainer and multi-disciplinary businessman was sitting atop a fortune estimated to be well northwest of 2 billion dollars. Much of that coming from German shoe powerhouse Adidas and its partnership with West’s Yeezy.

Rosy even though controversy was regularly courted.

But then, weeks ago, West tweeted, “I’m a bit sleepy tonight but when I wake up I’m going death con 3 On JEWISH PEOPLE,” and held true to his word, bashing away until most of his partners, including Adidas, dropped him in a huff.

General sentiment bubbled that Adidas may have been a tad late in pulling the plug. As the way things are, though, one company’s trouble is another company’s triumph and here, unexpectedly, we have surf shoemaker Vans as beneficiary.

Per People:

Harry Styles appeared to make a fashion statement in more ways than one.

At his concert at the Kia Forum in California on Monday night, the singer rocked a pair of Vans instead of his usual Adidas x Gucci Gazelles.

Styles, 28, has worn the Adidas kicks for every show on his tour since June — he wears head-to-toe Gucci on stage. However, before the footwear company cut ties with Kanye West following the rapper’s repeated antisemitic comments, Styles made the change to Vans.

The sportswear brand officially dropped West Tuesday morning. A rep for Styles did not immediately respond to PEOPLE’s request for comment.

Observant fans noticed the Vans and cheered Styles for the change.

“Harry Styles wearing adidas every show of tour until they hesitate to drop Kanye and he instantly breaks out vans….. I see u @harry__lambert @Harry_Styles,” tweeted one fan, giving a shout out to Styles and his stylist, Harry Lambert.

Very cool and much needed, too, as Paul Van Doren’s baby has been whispered to be dragging down parent company VF’s overall value.

In any case, and more important for us, will Styles’ adoption of Vans, and the sure-to-be windfall profits, be flipped back into surfing? Maybe taking the legendary Triple Crown and making it real again, as opposed to Zoomed?

Hope springs from ashes.

Lemoore (pictured) not on list.
Lemoore (pictured) not on list.

In complete shock, Australia’s Noosa upends Cocoa Beach, San Clemente, Lemoore to be named “most Instagrammable surfing spot in the world!”

Raise a Balter.

Tears flowed in San Clemente, Huntington Beach, Lemoore last evening as news that The Travel’s highly anticipated “10 Most Instagrammable Surfing Spots in the World” had finally but finally reached its conclusion with none of the three capturing the top slot, Lemoore shockingly not even included.

Frustration bubbled in Cocoa Beach, as well, where residents had been holding candlelight vigils around the town’s famed Kelly Slater statue both in hopes of a reunion between their most famous first son and his onetime girlfriend Gisele Bündchen. Whilst the home of a giant Ron Jon’s beat Lemoore to get on the list, last place was unexpected.

Dissatisfaction boiled in Croyde, North Devon, landing at number seven, where locals had hoped the local tea rooms might be enough for at least a top three finish.

Flat tires were pushed through floppy lips in Hossegor as native surfers shook their heads in disgust by being placed number two, numéro deux, even though its “sandy white beaches and emerald water make for a stunning (and Instagrammable) backdrop.”

Much sadness in Waikiki, Thurso, Tofino but only boisterous cheers in Noosa, Australia.

Chants of we’re number one!

The Travel declared:

When it comes to the most Instagrammable surf spot, Australia takes the cake. With 16,036 tags, Noosa, Queensland, is the spot for securing good surf pictures. This area was also ranked as the second best surfing spot overall, according to ParkSleepFly’s study. Noosa contains numerous surf breaks- 69 to be exact. The area also includes 2.4 km of coastline and averages water temperatures of 21℃. The country of Australia as a whole is known for its many surfing spots, with Noosa offering the best Instagram photo ops.

Expect a World Surf League event there next year as chief executive Erik Logan and his trusty number two Jessi Miley-Dyer love little more than Instagrammable moments.


Go-for-broke surfer Dane Reynolds’ rural idyll shattered as Travis and Kourtney Barker-Kardashian splurge $16.5 million buying Conan O’Brien’s redundant Carpinteria beach house!

Coastal hamlet braces for legions of paparazzi…

Pretty little Carpinteria, a coastal town of thirteen thousand souls including the go-for-broke surfer Dane Reynolds, is bracing for legions of paparazzi following the sale of Conan O’Brien’s old joint on Padaro Lane there in Serena Cove to Travis and Kourtney Barker-Kardashian.

Travis, you may remember if you old; he was the little drummer boy in Blink 182, a pint-sized jack-in-the-box dressed up in grown-man tattoos.

Kourtney Kardashian is the eldest daughter of Robert Kardashian, the legal gun who got OJ Simpson off an impossible to defend double-murder charge.

The late-night talkshow host Conan O’Brien bought the 0.41-acre oceanside parcel for $7.9 million in 2015, riding the property boom long enough to almost double his money with the sale.

Dirt describes the joint,

The property features a two-bedroom, one-bath main house with just over 990 square feet of living space up top, and a nearly 400-square-foot playroom/gym down below with access to a changing room/shower, half-bath and surfboard storage.

Attached to the two-car, Tesla charging station-equipped garage fronting the spread is an approximately 1,151-square-foot guesthouse offering two distinct accommodations — one an upstairs penthouse-style setup holding a living room, kitchenette, full bath and bedroom boasting a wraparound deck overlooking mountain vistas, and another on the lower level hosting a bedroom and bath.

(All photos Berkshire Hathaway)

A gated gravel driveway off to the side of the garage leads to the main house, which rests adjacent to a carport with room for two vehicles and additional parking for several guests. Inside, a soaring great room displays a contemporary wood-burning stove and bi-folding glass doors spilling out to an ocean-view deck adorned with a barbecue, built-in seating and plenty of room for al fresco dining, plus two sets of steps leading down to a small grassy lawn and the beach beyond.
Back inside, a galley-style kitchen is outfitted with open shelving, granite countertops, high-end stainless appliances and an eat-in peninsula; and two bedrooms share a balcony, as well as a windowed bath equipped with dual vanities and a glass-encased shower.

Fancy, yes?

Waves out front on that are ordinary, but the proximity to father of three Dane Reynolds, who is surfing’s rampart against the milquetoast horror of the WSL’s “pandering bullshit that’s exploiting surfing”, is priceless.

No response from the notoriously camera-shy Reynolds camp, yet.

Burning Man could not figure out how the shortboard had magically caught up to him. I could tell that this new experience troubled him. His theory could not account for it. Burning Man could not figure out how the shortboard had magically caught up to him. I could tell that this new experience troubled him. His theory could not account for it. His board must be longer! he said. That shortboarder must have a special board.

Adult learner surfers rewrite surf code with groundbreaking new theory, “I have a longer board and it goes faster…I can drop in on everyone!”

He did it with an aura of innocence, as though nothing about this choice could possibly wrong. He was just surfing, man.

The other day, I went surfing. This should not come as a surprise to any of you at this point.

As usual, I encountered a strange new species of surfer. This also should not come as a surprise to any of you.

But that is getting ahead of the story.

Sloppy windswell topped with devil wind sloshed its way around the lineup. It was the kind of day when you go, try to get a few, then go home. In the normal way of things, you wouldn’t expect to see many other people out there. But that was then.

These days, there’s always a crowd even on the worst days. The new kids don’t seem to know good waves from bad. They check Surfline, see some numbers and colors, and go surf.

It’s a little bumpy out here today, they might say. Or, they might not notice at all.

I don’t mind bad surf, necessarily. It’s an entertaining game to Tetris the sections together and try to make it work. I don’t want to do it every day, but it’s not the worst way to waste an hour or two.

Surf bad waves, eat ice cream: There are worse ways to spend a day.

There I was, getting some waves, making it work, going over the falls, getting smashed by errant sections. You know, surfing.

After a while, a man drifted into my field of vision. He was riding a fun shape, somewhere in the 8-foot range. It was not a proper longboard, necessarily. It looked like a large, mostly shapeless chunk of foam with a thruster setup.

The man looked to be about two years into his surfing journey. He paddled with his Vans booties splayed outward, dangling over the board’s bulbous rails. He had a sidekick riding a Wavestorm. They always have a sidekick riding a Wavestorm.

Eventually, I noticed that he was burning everyone. He did it with an aura of innocence, as though nothing about this choice could possibly wrong. Burning Man would never sin.

He was just surfing, man.

After every wave, he would return to his sidekick and give a full accounting of his ride. The waves were short. His commentary was not. I could never quite hear the details, but it was clear that he was having an awesome day.

I almost didn’t come out here today, he said. So glad I did!

I watched intrigued to see what would happen next. I couldn’t help it. The drama! Would anyone call him off? Would he be allowed to happily burn everyone forever?

No one called him off. Wave after wave, there he went, piloting his ginormous surfboard down the face, arms in the air, somehow defying gravity’s pull. He did not fall! I do not know how he did not fall.

Riding a few waves, I was temporarily separated from the adventures of Burning Man. Presumably, he kept burning. I kept trying to surf. It was the kind of day where I felt like I did more duck-diving than surfing. This is not the ideal kind of day.

Paddling back out, I saw one of the better shortboarders in the lineup get a wave. He was determined. Going fast. Definitely going to make the section. He was definitely spending less time duck-diving than I was.

But there was Burning Man. Would he go?

Sure enough, Burning Man needed to surf more waves. He was having the best time! Arms in the air, he dropped straight in, and pointed his large craft roughly to the right. This felt like a miracle, actually.

Then to his complete surprise, the shortboarder caught him! Burning Man looked so confused, as though this had never happened to him in his whole damn life. Maybe it hadn’t.

With easy skill, the shortboarder turned under Burning Man, and continued on his way. It was all so smooth. No drama, no shouting. Just surfing right on by.

It turned out that Burning Man had a theory about surfing, and maybe more than one. I learned this fact when he returned to the lineup and began to explain the whole thing to his sidekick. It has to do with how long his board is, and how it’s just so fast. He seemed so convinced of the truth of his ideas.

I have a longer board and it goes faster, he said. I can drop in on everyone!

I do not know where these people come from, or how they end up right next to me in the lineup every time.

I promise you, I did not invent this man. He was right there, on a giant board, legs splayed. He was impossible to miss.

And he had so many words. I get paid to make words about surfing, but I’ve got nothing on this guy. Someone should probably hire him.

Still, Burning Man could not figure out how the shortboard had magically caught up to him. I could tell that this new experience troubled him. His theory could not account for it.

His board must be longer! he said. That shortboarder must have a special board.

Burning Man continued to talk at some length. I did not stick around to hear more. The whole thing had begun to melt my brain. Surfing is only as complicated as you make it, and I prefer not to make it too complicated.

Later in the parking lot, I saw Burning Man and his sidekick getting ready to leave. Rinse kits at the ready, they pulled off their suits. Burning Man was still talking. I can’t imagine what else he could possibly have to say. I was not about to linger and find out.

A girl should never get between a man and his theories.