“Sexless marriage” cited as reason for Tom Brady, Gisele Bündchen split driving surf fans into obscene frenzy over possible reunion between Brazilian supermodel and one-time flame Kelly Slater!

Surf stud.

A bombshell exploded, this morning, in the scintillating though sad story of Brazilian supermodel Gisele Bündchen and the greatest football player of all-time Tom Brady each hiring divorce lawyers. Radar magazine is reporting the reason for the split is that the “marriage has gone cold as ice,” according to an NFL insider close to the Tampa Bay Buccaneers’ starting quarterback. “Gisele is a Brazilian supermodel with a super sex drive and she’s told her friends she needs more from her all-American husband.”

Brady, you see, appears to be one of those sorts of sportsmen who believes that love making, before partaking in an athletic feat, diminishes… virility when pushing against other men, I suppose.

The actor Dax Shepard asked Brady directly about sex before sport on a podcast, once, Brady demurring before offering, “That wouldn’t be my pregame warm-up.”

The news sent surf fans, already sitting by lit candles, into an obscene frenzy.

Bündchen and the greatest surfer of all-time, one Kelly Slater, you see, were involved with each other, romantically, in 2005 and 2006. Two years when Slater, maybe not coincidentally, won world titles. As everyone but World Surf League CEO Erik Logan knows, surfing is not, in fact, a sport so unaffected by a little night music.

Now, Slater is currently in a committed relationship but Ben Affleck was in one with Ana de Armas and Jennifer Lopez was in one with Alex Rodriguez before they reunited in a flurry of marriages.

Mt. Power Couple.