Troubled waters.

The world has finally taken notice of surf fans, our passion, candles lit for a grand reunion between Kelly Slater and his Gisele Bündchen.

Of the power of dreams.

And candles.

Subcontinental sporting website Essentially Sports posting to its 1.3 billion fans While Surfing World Reminisces Over Gisele Bündchen’s Fling With Kelly Slater, 11x Champ Recalls Another Iconic Moment From Over A Decade Ago.

It was not his fling with Pamela Anderson but rather a win at Pipeline (I think).

In any case, much hope has led into this almost new year, Bündchen beginning to date a jiu-jitsu instructor aside, though now a revenge of the nerds hovers just over the horizon.

Jilted crypto enthusiasts threatening to sue the Brazilian supermodel, her ex-husband Tom Brady, Pete Davidson’s exes’ father Larry David and more.

Per the New York Post:

Investors not only are suing Sam Bankman-Fried, but also celebrity endorsers of his bankrupt crypto company FTX, including Tom Brady, ex-wife Gisele Bündchen, Larry David, and sports stars like David Ortiz, Steph Curry and Shaquille O’Neal.

Attorneys including star litigator David Boies filed the lawsuit on behalf of Edwin Garrison, an Oklahoma resident who had an FTX yield-bearing account which he funded with crypto assets to earn interest, and others like him.

Celebrity endorsers such as David, who filmed a Super Bowl commercial for FTX, are accused of engaging in deceptive practices to sell FTX yield-bearing digital currency accounts, the suit claims.

“Part of the scheme employed by the FTX Entities involved utilizing some of the biggest names in sports and entertainment … pouring billions of dollars into the Deceptive FTX Platform to keep the whole scheme afloat,” the lawsuit states.

As any student of marriage knows, financial stuffs make or break and here we have Slater, potentially, on the hook for billions if he marries quickly without prenup.

The 11x Champ is notoriously cheap.

Ridiculously cheap.

Will he not do the required work that it will, no doubt, take to win Bündchen’s fated hand?

Will he sacrifice his stingy for love?

More on his discounting surfboards and curb stomping domestic producers tomorrow but until then…

…no more candles. Send money to Bündchen’s legal fund instead.

Shark tooth to the heart.

Every year, for the past ten or such, I have begun each professional surfing year thinking “this one belongs to Kolohe Andino.” The handsome boy from San Clemente seemingly had it all. Pedigree from an iconic 80s surfing legend, one Dino Andino. Support from the most powerful brands in the space. Coaching from the much-feared Mike “Snips” Parsons. A handsome face, strong body, desire to be the best.

And every year I am left sad.

For all that talent, all that poise, Kolohe Andino has never hoisted the World Surf League Championship Trophy.

For that matter, he has never even hoisted a single event’s trophy.

But a new year is around the corner and hope springs eternal buoyed, especially, by a stunning Cold Water Classic victory, yesterday, in hostile Santa Cruz.

Andino took out local celebrity Shaun Burns in the quarterfinals. The Santa Cruz native, who had been responsible for the return of the event to Steamer Lane, told the Santa Cruz Sentinel after his vanquishment, “The Cold Water Classic is so prestigious and that’s probably my dream goal, to win here one year. I know I will, but I’m happy with my performance this year. It’s so fun competing at home with everyone cheering on the cliffs. There’s no place like it. And to have it be all your friends and family, it’s pretty emotional, actually. It’s the one contest I’d like to win more than anything.”

But Andino cared neither about local friends, family nor Burns’ cherished dreams.

Off with his head.

Next came Ian Crane but he is also from San Clemente so nobody cared about his untimely demise.

Last, Andino walloped with Malibu’s Taro Watanabe with last second heroics as a hot set steamered in allowing for high-performance hot.

“I was stoked,” the wise 28-year-old told the Sentinel. “There was a long lull in the middle of the heat and to have a finish like that was really rad.”

His prize, a megalodon chomper.

“That big, old shark tooth is crazy,” he added. “Hopefully that’s the only shark tooth I’ll be seeing in my life.”

Hope springs eternal.

Watch the entire show here.

Save our spots.

Surfline, which until recently was the largest surf-based website in the world, has long enjoyed the relatively stable support from its subscribers. For a fee, the faithful are served up sensible stories about surfing and surf travel, tide charts and cameras recording the current conditions of favorite breaks.

The only flair has been comically exaggerated wave heights.

The only flair, that is, until yesterday.

For yesterday, Surfline’s top brass decided to follow the radically woke San Francisco School Board’s lead in renaming offensive breaks.

You certainly recall, nearly two years ago, when the powers that be in the City by the Bay scrubbed naughtiness from schools in its districts.

Per The Atlantic:

On January 26, the San Francisco school board announced that dozens of public schools must be renamed. The figures that do not meet the board’s standards include Abraham Lincoln, George Washington, Thomas Jefferson, Theodore Roosevelt, John Muir, Robert Louis Stevenson, Paul Revere, and Dianne Feinstein. A panel had determined that the 44 schools—more than one-third of the city’s total—were named after figures guilty of being, variously, colonizers; slave owners; exploiters of workers; oppressors of women, children, or queer and transgender people; people connected to human rights or environmental abuses; and espousers of racist beliefs.

The “School Names Advisory Committee” had done its research, discovered that “the majority of Lincoln’s policies proved detrimental to Native Americans,” Washington had owned slaves etc. and their names were instantly vanished from school walls.

In a similar vein, Surfline sent out an email last evening reading:

We’re updating some spot names to better describe their locations, which may affect spots in your Favorites, Surf Alert preferences, and Sessions clips. One example of a spot name that changed is Ponto, San Diego CA.

Previously, we had three spots here: Ponto Jetties, Ponto North and Ponto South. They are now combined as one spot and cameras viewable as multiple angles. Because these three peaks are in the same location, they’ll have the same forecast, and you can view all the information you need in one place.

Generations of North County, San Diego surfers have grown up calling Ponto Jetties Point Jetties, Ponto North Ponto North and Ponto South Ponto South. They will now be forced to call them all just “Ponto” or be faced with cancellation.

It is unclear how many other spots have been sanitized but protests are already being organized on Oahu’s famed North Shore to keep Backdoor Backdoor.

If your local spot name has fallen afoul of the times, please complain to Surfline or organize a social media campaign in support.