Spicy.

I’ll be completely honest. I have never watched the reality television program Vanderpump Rules nor know anything about it, where it’s set, what the rules are etc., but news of an affair between stars has dominated my news feed over the past few weeks. Apparently a man named Tom Sandoval, who may be a bartender, was dating a woman named Ariana Madix, occupation unknown, for many years though she just found naughty pictures, texts etc. on his phone from another woman named Raquel Leviss, occupation also unknown.

Leviss, who first appeared in season three, had a “scandalous” fling with Sandoval’s best friend Tom Schwartz, occupation unknown, who had just broken up with his wife of five years Katie Maloney, occupation unknown. The coupling was frowned upon because Maloney had a hard and fast rule that Schwartz was not allowed to “hook up” with anyone in the “friend group.”

Well, that whole business was going on while Sandoval was making naughty FaceTimes with Leviss. After the affair became public, Sandoval took to social media to declare, “I want to first and foremost apologize to everyone I’ve hurt through this process. Most of all I want to apologize to Ariana. I made mistakes, I was selfish, and made reckless decisions that hurt somebody I love. No one deserves to feel that pain so traumatically and publicly.”

Except his true feelings of guilt and remorse are now being called into question.

Eagle-eye’d fans have spotted that Sandoval and Leviss both wear Gerry Lopez’s iconic lightning bolt logo, in necklace form, as a secret message to each other.

According to Matt Warshaw’s must-have Encyclopedia of Surfing:

(Lightning Bolt ) Surfboard and surf accessories company founded in Honolulu, Hawaii, in 1970, by Gerry Lopez and Jack Shipley, and turned into an industry powerhouse with the help of California surfwear executive Duke Boyd. Lopez and Shipley were both working at a Honolulu shop called Surf Line Hawaii in early 1970; the 21-year-old Lopez was on the cusp of becoming the universally acknowledged master at Pipeline, and had been shaping surfboards since 1968; Shipley was an ace Surf Line Hawaii salesman and a surf competition judge. They joined up and bought the old Hobie Surfboards outlet on nearby Kapiolani Boulevard in the summer of 1970. Lopez had been using a colored lightning bolt emblem on his boards since 1969, and since the dark-haired goofyfooter was going to be the new company’s one and only marketing tool, they named the new shop Lightning Bolt Surfboards. (Hansen Surfboards in California had introduced a short-lived Lopez-designed Lightning Bolt model in early 1970.)

That lightning bolt emblem sure was a good one and it is sad to see it tarnished by forbidden love.

While you are here, what is your favorite surf logo of all time?

Volcom’s Stone?

Quiksilver’s mountain and wave?

Body Glove’s hand?

Rip Curl’s squiggly words inside circle?

Many options.

"This isn't real, is it?"

There is much that divides us, seemingly more all the time. Language, left/right positioning, opinion regarding transgendered athletes and their participation in sport which makes the just-wrapped MEO Rip Curl Portugal Pro that much more endearing. Oh, the third event on the World Surf League Championship Tour schedule was not without alienation. Absurd crowd size was viciously argued over as well as the commentary value of Jesse Mendes.

One moment, though, united everyone.

Portugal’s President Marcelo Nuno Duarte Rebelo de Sousa taking in the action, live, from the stands.

While his politics certainly cause some to frown, his face was the universal visage of “person watching competitive professional surfing for the very first time.”

The same face made by grandmas in Chicago, co-workers in London, nieces in Timbuktu and nephews in Shangai.

Squinty eyes, mouth lightly agape, utter confusion spreading from ear to ear.

One silent thought repeating in a mind quickly draining.

“This isn’t real, is it?”

Yes, for one brief and glorious moment, President Rebelo de Sousa was all of our mothers.

Viva Portugal.

"She doesn't support the WSL and she doesn't support equality."

Portugal is now in the rearview, officially, with the non-alcoholic sparkling cider still drying from winners Joao Chianca and Caitlin Simmers’ fine singlets. The ones dedicated to inspirational women in honor of International Women’s Day which just so happened to fall on the opening day of the MEO Rip Curl Pro window. I cannot recall who Simmers wore, though would have every right to don “Simmers.”

Chianca opted for “Weston-Webb.”

Well, it was rumored, at the start of the event, that Bethany Hamilton’s name would not be allowed due her boycott of the World Surf League over its new inclusive trans policy.

You certainly recall, two months ago, when the World Surf League quietly announced a change allowing for transgender athletes to compete at the highest level of the sport. Hamilton joined a chorus of frustrated voices and in a to-camera piece, declared that she would be boycotting the WSL until the policy was undone.

Even though WSL Chief of Exective Erik Logan said he “respected her views,” her name was mysteriously missing from the long list on celebrated women even though it had been chosen three times the year before.

Strange.

And now the pettiness has been confirmed. One of the Championship Tour surfers, on the men’s side, requested to wear “Hamilton” but was told he was not allowed. The reason given?

“She doesn’t support the WSL and she doesn’t support equality.”

Hmmm. That doesn’t read overly “respectful,” no?

In related Hamilton news, hours ago she confirmed that she is pregnant with her fourth child. It is yet unclear if the World Surf League will send congratulations or continue trying to scrub her, and her growing family, from history.