"There’s waves breaking everywhere. And, they’re
big. He’s beginning to think that this is not the best idea that
he’s ever had."
Surfline Man is back at the coffee shop, back sitting at
his laptop, back writing code. He is not a proud owner of
the World Surf League and he does not go to Surf Ranch every
weekend to get barreled. Life can be so disappointing if you let it
be. Surfline Man is determined to overcome these negative
feelings.
It’s not like it was his fault the deal failed.
Surfline Man was right there with his $50k ready to go. It turns
out the rest of the investment team was not that ready at all. A
big chunk of the funding was tied up in FTX, and Surfline Man is
not about to guess where it is now.
Anyway, no deal means no barrels at Surf Ranch for him. Surfline
Man is trying not to be too sad about this outcome. While the
barrel is very, very fun, it does smell a lot like cow shit out
there. Surfline Man did not love that part, actually. In fact, he’s
been eating vegetarian lately, and he’s pretty sure it’s the best
thing he’s ever done. Tofu, it’s so good for you!
What’s more, an authentic surfer like him should stay near the
beach. That’s where the real surfing happens. Surfline Man should
not be tempted like some kind of Greek mythology guy with fire or
technology or whatever. Keep it natural. Keep it real. That’s what
an authentic surfer like Surfline Man does.
He takes a sip from his Hydroflask in the new Mesa colorway.
Surfline Man knew he shouldn’t buy another water bottle. He already
has so many! It is getting to be a problem.
But he couldn’t resist the bright orange color. It reminds him
of his favorite fish — not the red surfboard that shaper Mike made
for him, but the actual fish that swims in the ocean. Surfline Man
can never remember what it’s called. But it’s orange like the
HydroFlask bottle that he just had to have.
If Surfline Man can’t own a surf league, at least he can have a
water bottle he likes. It’s the little things in life. Surfline
Man’s day, so bright now!
Idly, Surfline Man scans the forecasts. He doesn’t expect to see
anything that exciting. Winter’s past and summer’s not here yet.
Nothing much to do.
But wait. What’s that blob? Surfline Man sits up in his chair,
his chakras, his new orange HydroFlask, and his oat milk latte
forgotten.
Surf! Surfline Man is totally sure that blob means surf. He must
chase it! Surfline Man simply must score this last northwest swell,
and he knows just where to go.
Surfline Man has never been to Ocean Beach, and now is the time!
After this winter, Surfline Man is so totally ready to take his
surfing to the next level. Surfline Man rode so many good waves
that he’s going to remember forever!
Like this one day, he was out at Cardiff and it was totally
double-overhead. Surfline Man was riding his 6’0” Ghost, which is
his new favorite board for super good waves. He caught such a good
one! A total set wave, and he made it all the way down the line
with, like, so many stylish turns.
Too bad when he went to watch it on Surfline Rewind, he couldn’t
find it at all. Probably the internet went down or something. But
Surfline Man remembers! He could never forget such a perfect
wave.
Now he’s going to Ocean Beach and he’s going to get so shacked.
Good thing he just got the Sprinter detailed. Road tripping is so
much better in a clean van. Surfline Man carefully packs his boards
in the back. He just bought a new CI Pro. He’s heard so much about
it! He just has to try it out.
Surfline Man adds the red fish shaper Mike made for him. It
would go so good at Pleasure Point, and Santa Cruz is totally on
the way. And really, he should definitely bring his turquoise
midlength just in case.
You never know! It might just be the perfect board. Surfline Man
would never want to get caught without the right board. His
authentic surfer brand would never recover!
Cooler crammed with snacks and van stacked with surfboards,
Surfline Man hits the road. In San Luis Obispo, he turns north on
Highway 1. Gotta make it epic! As he drives, Surfline Man eyes each
curve of the coast. I bet that spot would be good on the right
swell, he thinks. Maybe next winter, he should come back and check
it out.
In Big Sur, Surfline Man pulls off the road. Good thing about
the Sprinter, he can just camp anywhere. He snacks on his salad and
take-out sushi — avocado and veggies — from Whole Foods. He’s
feeling so healthy right now. A good night sleep, and Ocean Beach,
here he comes!
Surfline Man wakes up bright and early, just as the sun is
rising. He makes the perfect coffee in his AeroPress. Organic
beans! So the best ever! He pours the beautiful brew into his
favorite Yeti mug and sips appreciatively. This is the life!
Then he spots a slip of paper on his windshield. Someone left
him a note! They must have liked his Sprinter. Maybe they want to
know who did the build-out or the name of his detailer.
Oh. A parking ticket. $250.00. This is so unfair. There weren’t
even any signs. How was an innocent guy like Surfline Man supposed
to know he couldn’t park anywhere he wanted? Sometimes the world is
a super confusing place.
Still, Surfline Man refuses to be daunted by this setback. He
climbs in the Sprinter and points it northward. He is going to
Ocean Beach, where he’s going to surf the surprise swell and get
totally shacked. Nothing can get in the way of this super important
mission, not even a stupid parking ticket.
Arriving in Outer Sunset around dusk, Surfline Man is too
bleary-eyed from the road to take in the view. It turns out Ocean
Beach is much farther away than he realized. Next time, he’ll have
to plan this whole road trip thing way more carefully.
At least Surfline Man won’t get another parking ticket here. His
old buddy Brett from Elevate! said he could park in the driveway.
Brett’s been surfing Ocean Beach for, like, five years or something
and knows everything about it.
Surfline Man is so stoked to know an actual local. This how you
do it. Surfline Man has this surfing thing so dialed. He’s going to
score so many good waves tomorrow. He can feel it!
In the early morning fog, they drive down to South Sloat.
Surfline Man is getting so excited now! He’s actually here. He’s
going to surf the Beach. Gotta say it like the locals do, you know!
Surfline Man is so tapped in now.
The fog begins to lift. Standing in the parking lot, Surfline
Man gets his first glimpse of the lineup. It’s big. At least, he’s
pretty sure it is. Mostly, all he can see is white water. A hint of
uncertainty flashes through his mind, there and gone before he
quite realizes what it was.
Surfline Man has come all this way. And he’s not about to allow
Brett to see that he’s having second thoughts. Looks fun! Surfline
Man tries to sound like he means it.
Brett pulls a slim 7’6” out of the car. It looks fast. Surfline
Man pictures his boards. He has a 6’0” and a 6’2”. It’s possible
that he’s made a bit of a misjudgment here. Well, there’s only one
way to find out.
Surfline Man pulls on his hooded Feral. He figured it’s a good
idea to blend in as much as possible. Then he waxes up his 6’2” CI
Pro. He’s never ridden it, but it has Pro right there in the
name.
It’s so much longer than his 6’0” Ghost. Surfline Man is going
to paddle so fast on this thing. He’s definitely going to have the
best session ever.
Carefully locking the Sprinter, Surfline Man hides the keys in
the secret place that no one is ever going to find. He gives his
leash one last tug. It’s important to check your equipment
carefully before surfing! Then he walks down the sand toward the
water.
Total chaos greets him. Surfline Man has never seen a lineup
that looks like this one in his life. Water moves everywhere in
every direction all at once. He can’t see a channel or really
anything at all.
There’s waves breaking everywhere. And, they’re big. The
shorebreak looks head high, at least. And, Surfline Man can’t even
see what’s lurking farther out. He’s beginning to think that this
is not the best idea that he’s ever had.
Surfline Man watches as Brett paddles out, and tries to follow
him. Brett quickly leaves Surfline Man behind.
Duck dive follows duck dive. No matter how hard he paddles,
Surfline Man doesn’t seem to move at all. There’s water in his eyes
and up his nose. Another wave shoves him under. The water is dark
and churned with sand. This must be what drowning feels like. It
feels exactly like this.
Clutching his precious board, Surfline Man feels like a leaf in
the stream, tossed and turned and flipped every which way. He’s no
longer sure which way is up or where the lineup is. He takes a deep
breath, puts his head down, and keeps paddling.
Somehow, he makes it to a calm spot. For a moment, there’s no
waves crashing on his head. No water up his nose.
This is it! This is the surfing life! Surfline Man is living the
dream right here in the lineup at the Beach. Looking around, he
doesn’t see anyone near him. Solo sesh, in the middle of the city.
So perfect!
It doesn’t last. Surfline Man duck dives again. And then, again.
Looking up, he sees a wave coming to him. He should just go.
There’s never going to be another chance like this one. He turns
and paddles. As he gets his feet on the wax, the wave detonates
around him.
Down he goes. The white water tumbles him over and over.
Surfline Man feels his leash stretch. No, not now. You can’t break
now. He feels the pressure slacken. The leash holds. A series of
waves roll over him. Finally, they stop.
Surfline Man looks around. He’s sitting in the sand. His board
is right there next to him, floating lazily in the shallows. Well,
he rode that one all the way to the beach.
Trying to play it cool, Surfline Man stands up, tucks his board
under his arm, and walks up the beach. No one saw that, he tells
himself. No one saw that at all. At least, he didn’t break his new
board.
Walking through the parking lot, Surfline Man searches for his
precious Sprinter. Finally, he spots it, but the van definitely
isn’t looking as pristine as when he left it. There’s a pile of
glass on the pavement and a gaping hole where his window used to
be. The back doors hang open. More broken glass.
In a panic, Surfline Man looks inside the van. All his boards
are gone! His beautiful turquoise mid that he dropped on the tail,
but you can’t even tell now, it’s gone! The red fish that shaper
Mike made just for him, well, that’s gone, too.
The only board Surfline Man has left is the one under his arm.
The lock’s broken and there’s an empty space in the glove
compartment where his wallet used to be.
Hurriedly, he looks for his clothes. It would be too much if
they stole his clothes, too. Surfline Man likes his new wetsuit,
but he doesn’t want to live in it. His clothes, still there.
Fortunately, he left his phone buried in his pants. He has his
phone and his underwear. A man can go pretty far with that.
Surfline Man looks around and hastily changes out of his suit.
He tosses his board in the back of the Sprinter. He hates this
place now. He can’t wait to get out of here. At least the thieves
didn’t take his favorite Yeti coffee mug. Even better, the coffee’s
still hot.
Sipping his coffee, Surfline Man fires up the Sprinter and pulls
out of the parking lot. Brett is still out there somewhere.
Surfline Man doesn’t care. He’s done with the Beach and done with
this city. The whole thing can fall into the sea for all he
cares.
The wind roars through the broken windows, drowning out Surfline
Man’s favorite reggae tunes. He’s gotten really into reggae lately.
It makes him feel so chilled out.
Passing through Pacifica, Surfline Man remembers the stupid
dodgeball game and sleeping on the office couch at Elevate! and
living with ten room mates. Surfline Man is so over San
Francisco.
The whole thing really made him want to quit surfing. But even
now, Surfline Man knows that surfing is his favorite thing. No, he
would never quit. Some waves just don’t suit him, that’s all.
The fog blows back in, blotting out the sun. Surfline Man thinks
about his lost surfboards, his stolen wallet, and his broken
windows. He tries to forget about all that duck diving and the
water up his nose. He tries to forget about how it felt like he was
drowning, how he tumbled over and over and over, how it felt like
it would never end.
Surfline Man shivers. Never again. Driving along the coast, he
bops along to his barely audible reggae beats. One thing’s for
sure. Next time, he’s going somewhere warm.
