The moral? Best to stay away from temptation.

Three men are in custody in what police say was an international drug ring, smuggling cocaine inside surfboards from Uruguay to Europe.

According to counter-narcos, dogs sniffed out six surfboards leaving Carrasco International in Montevideo on May 23. Upon secondary inspection, police noted the boards’ unusual weight. After a quick pinata party, 51kilos of cartel candy spilt out. Operation Iris, it’s named.

Officials allowed one of the boards to make its way to Portugal where two Italian nationals were arrested attempting to claim their baggage. A third man was popped in Italy.

The Uruguayan prosecutor’s office highlights the bust as proof of success in the global war on drugs, calling the transatlantic operation “a model of international success.” Uruguay, Spain, Italy, and Portugal took part in the bust.
Uruguayan National Police Director Jose Manuel Azambuya stated, “Operation Iris is unprecedented in our country because of the scope and significance of international cooperation.”

Yet surfboard stuffing is nothing new as a delivery method in the small pharma biz. Rainbow Surfboards (McCabe, Hynson, et. al.) were the mavens, stashing their particulars in foam and fin to extend their Indo fantasies. It went South as drugs tend to do that sorta thing to business and businesses and family and whatnot.

Most consider drug harvesting, smuggling, selling, partaking, etc. a sick practice. Others may be ambivalent, having blood somewhere dried under the fingernails. (For a wide-eyed analysis, read Cocaine and Surfing: A Love Story.)
And some may think it romantic,(and certainly more appealing than trafficking a bloated, balloon-filled mule) where lean, sunglassed figures float in and out of airports, siphoning fear with breezy talk at check in, nothing but pure adrenaline pumping through the terminal. Every small move building into a play. Those flawless and free characters we read about, the true magicians.

Adam Gopnik, in his book “The Real Work,” describes such mastery as a “slow carpentering of fragments into a harmonious whole.”

“Mastering” certain things, Gopnik explains, “relies on learning to pretend what you’re doing isn’t incredibly dangerous.”

And dangerous it is as reality has not been kind to the practice. As many have tried, many have failed. Some notables:

• 1994. Frank de Castro Diaz. Denpasar Airport, Bali. 4 kilos in 2 boards.
The give away? Frank also checked a saw.
• 2011: Three men. Bilboa Airport, Spain. 50 kilos in 9 boards.

The give away? One month prior, fools were busted for shipping coke in Manolo
Blahniks.
• 2014: Jesse Edgardo Herrera, of Pomona, LAX, California. 3 kilos in 1 board.

The give away? According to TSA, fresh glue permeated from board bag.

And so many other stories of failed magic. You may have your own. The moral? Best to stay away from temptation. Hell, my boy’s on Oahu and my girl in Kihei. I’m scared to bring 4 oz. of Colgate in my carry on.

Surf Mazraea.

Could it be true? After all these years, all these rumors and whispers, that another Kelly Slater facility is ready to open? Be still my beating heart. A very fine bit of gossip, anyhow, just floated across my radar and that “the plow” has, indeed, already been built in oil rich Abu Dhabi there hugging the Persian or Arabian gulf, depending on your alignment.

The source, almost always correct, declares, “Solid rumor that a new Kelly pool is opening in Abu Dhabi next month. Actually built and real. And also that the wave breaks up to 8-foot – a couple of feet bigger than Lemoore.”

Could it truly truly be?

Wavepool Magazine buoys hope.

Touted by the Crown Prince’s news organization as “the biggest and most advanced artificial wave facility in the world,” the surf park will open at the end of 2023.

“Surf Abu Dhabi will be the biggest and most advanced artificial wave facility in the world,” the company said in a statement. “Designed in partnership with Kelly Slater Wave Co., the landmark destination will offer a high-performance surfing experience, featuring the world’s longest ride, biggest barrel, and largest man-made wave pool.”

The Emiratis, tender and downy, will not need that extra girth, but a Middle Eastern tank could change… everything. Have you spent any time in UAE? I have done multiple tours, first heading to Dubai after spending 3ish months in Yemen. It is Blade Runner-y and odd but an event there might actually be interesting plus staffed by Pakistani slaves.

Orientalist.

And could this explain where World Surf League CEO Erik Logan has disappeared off to? For his sake, I hope so. The Bvlgari Resort ain’t a bad place to spend a few hours.

More as the story develops.

Slàinte.

The surprise of the year, so far, has certainly been the implosion of the World Surf League and subsequent disappearance of its Chief Executive Erik Logan, who appears to have entered the witness protection program after infuriating then infantilizing the proud South American nation of Brazil. Near eclipsing, though, has been the continued stratospheric rise of Scotland as a surf culture powerhouse.

Who could have possibly seen that coming?

But here we are and it’s true. The northern bit of that Great Britain, usually known for delicacies made from intestines and plaid, has placed itself firmly alongside California, New South Wales, Hossegor as an arbiter of wave sliding cool.

It all started to shoot skyward, of course, with a keen-eye’d writer from one town, or another, up there who rose to be the definitive professional surf tour correspondent. Yes, a contest is not truly over until JP Currie has opined. How are we supposed to feel about what we saw without his direction? Without his dissection of this or that? He is, now, firmly number one stepping right over the great Longtom and whichever hungry hippo Stab has trying to make sense of Callum Robson’s backside attack.

And continues its vertical climb with the just-announced opener of the august Edinburgh International Film Festival.

Per Variety:

The world premiere of Scottish writer-director Johnny Barrington‘s debut feature “Silent Roar” will open the 2023 Edinburgh International Film Festival on Aug. 18. Billed as a “teenage tale of surfing, sex and hellfire” set in Scotland’s Outer Hebrides, the film stars emerging actor Louis McCartney as Dondo, a young surfer struggling to accept his father’s recent disappearance at sea. Caught up in grief, he is brought to his senses by rebellious crush Sas (Ella Lily Hyland), a high achiever who dreams of escaping the island. When an oddly-behaved new minister arrives on the island, Dondo begins to have cosmic visions.

By the description a must-see but have you ever been to Scotland?

I have, once, to the aforementioned Edinburgh, in fact. I was very taken by its Georgian scowl, medieval fortress perched on giant stone, glowering. It felt exactly like it should feel, which is a fine trait in a city and I ate many fishes and many chips and read Irvine Welsh, or at least thought about someday reading Irvine Welsh.

An injection, anyhow, of the Scottish flavor to our surfing world is so very welcome. Less preening, more punching.

No Oklahoma.

Slàinte.