Surf Mazraea.

Could it be true? After all these years, all these rumors and whispers, that another Kelly Slater facility is ready to open? Be still my beating heart. A very fine bit of gossip, anyhow, just floated across my radar and that “the plow” has, indeed, already been built in oil rich Abu Dhabi there hugging the Persian or Arabian gulf, depending on your alignment.

The source, almost always correct, declares, “Solid rumor that a new Kelly pool is opening in Abu Dhabi next month. Actually built and real. And also that the wave breaks up to 8-foot – a couple of feet bigger than Lemoore.”

Could it truly truly be?

Wavepool Magazine buoys hope.

Touted by the Crown Prince’s news organization as “the biggest and most advanced artificial wave facility in the world,” the surf park will open at the end of 2023.

“Surf Abu Dhabi will be the biggest and most advanced artificial wave facility in the world,” the company said in a statement. “Designed in partnership with Kelly Slater Wave Co., the landmark destination will offer a high-performance surfing experience, featuring the world’s longest ride, biggest barrel, and largest man-made wave pool.”

The Emiratis, tender and downy, will not need that extra girth, but a Middle Eastern tank could change… everything. Have you spent any time in UAE? I have done multiple tours, first heading to Dubai after spending 3ish months in Yemen. It is Blade Runner-y and odd but an event there might actually be interesting plus staffed by Pakistani slaves.

Orientalist.

And could this explain where World Surf League CEO Erik Logan has disappeared off to? For his sake, I hope so. The Bvlgari Resort ain’t a bad place to spend a few hours.

More as the story develops.

Slàinte.

The surprise of the year, so far, has certainly been the implosion of the World Surf League and subsequent disappearance of its Chief Executive Erik Logan, who appears to have entered the witness protection program after infuriating then infantilizing the proud South American nation of Brazil. Near eclipsing, though, has been the continued stratospheric rise of Scotland as a surf culture powerhouse.

Who could have possibly seen that coming?

But here we are and it’s true. The northern bit of that Great Britain, usually known for delicacies made from intestines and plaid, has placed itself firmly alongside California, New South Wales, Hossegor as an arbiter of wave sliding cool.

It all started to shoot skyward, of course, with a keen-eye’d writer from one town, or another, up there who rose to be the definitive professional surf tour correspondent. Yes, a contest is not truly over until JP Currie has opined. How are we supposed to feel about what we saw without his direction? Without his dissection of this or that? He is, now, firmly number one stepping right over the great Longtom and whichever hungry hippo Stab has trying to make sense of Callum Robson’s backside attack.

And continues its vertical climb with the just-announced opener of the august Edinburgh International Film Festival.

Per Variety:

The world premiere of Scottish writer-director Johnny Barrington‘s debut feature “Silent Roar” will open the 2023 Edinburgh International Film Festival on Aug. 18. Billed as a “teenage tale of surfing, sex and hellfire” set in Scotland’s Outer Hebrides, the film stars emerging actor Louis McCartney as Dondo, a young surfer struggling to accept his father’s recent disappearance at sea. Caught up in grief, he is brought to his senses by rebellious crush Sas (Ella Lily Hyland), a high achiever who dreams of escaping the island. When an oddly-behaved new minister arrives on the island, Dondo begins to have cosmic visions.

By the description a must-see but have you ever been to Scotland?

I have, once, to the aforementioned Edinburgh, in fact. I was very taken by its Georgian scowl, medieval fortress perched on giant stone, glowering. It felt exactly like it should feel, which is a fine trait in a city and I ate many fishes and many chips and read Irvine Welsh, or at least thought about someday reading Irvine Welsh.

An injection, anyhow, of the Scottish flavor to our surfing world is so very welcome. Less preening, more punching.

No Oklahoma.

Slàinte.

"What are you gonna do about it?"

What happened to the World Surf League’s much ballyhooed partnership with Apple Watch? Just months ago, the new technology was front and center, a beacon of massive synergies and vectors and success. “The momentum of the Championship Tour, the World Surf League and professional surfing is real,” Chief Executive Officer Erik Logan proudly declared. Chief of Sport Jessi Miley-Dyer made a nice Instagram post showing how it worked and pretty.

Well, things got off to a bit of a rocky start. Italian star Leonardo Fioravanti took to the airwaves after the Pro Pipeline contest and declared, “And, I just want to say our fricken watches weren’t working and that’s pretty heavy, like my watch wasn’t working. Nothing to take away from Apple or the WSL, what they’re doing is great, they’re trying to bring in some technology to our world, but if my watch doesn’t work from start to finish and I gotta ask for time. I’ve been used to having the time on me at all times in heats, we’re fighting for our careers. So, I hope they figure it out ‘cause my watch didn’t work from start to finish. And that’s pretty heavy.”

He was, of course, heavily fined for placing himself above “the integrity of the sport.”

Brazil’s Caio Ibelli complained that the watch didn’t tell time. Hawaii’s Carissa Moore refused to wear and then… nothing.

No “Let’s throw it down to Strider to see what’s who has Apple priority.” No “Kaipo, what do you see there from your Apple?”

Nothing.

It must be assumed that the relationship is intact but even that is now in doubt as Kelly Slater was filmed after bowing out of the still-running El Salvador Pro flaunting an all-to-obvious Shark Watch.

Like, the Sharkest Shark Watch ever, colorway-wise.

Will he cop a punishment or prove, once again, that he is the exception to every World Surf League rule?

Like when the entire book was changed to accommodate him forever?

Where’s Erik Logan?