Jonah Hill’s spurned ex Sarah Brady maintains rage as attack on proud new father moves into fifth day, “I finally get to paddle out not feeling like I’m the surfer girl who dated Jonah Hill”

“So fucking freeing…”

After yesterday’s stunning coup de grâce where the ex-girlfriend of Jonah Hill proudly shared screenshots of Hawaiian locals promising hell if the Hollywood star ever returned to Kauai one might’ve assumed that was that. 

However we must stroll back three hundred years, to dialogue in playwright William Congreve’s three-hundred-year-old play The Mourning Bride, Heav’n has no rage, like love to hatred turn’d, Nor hell a fury, like a woman scorn’d, to realise that this is a story without end.  

As any divorced man quickly learns, a spurned woman will only stop when the ruination, the utter destruction of her ex, emotionally, financially, is total. 

If you’re coming in late, here’s the play so far. 

Five days ago, Brady lit a very public fire, dumping a series of what she said were private texts between the pair on Instagram. Brady claimed to be a “survivor” following the  end of a relationship with a man she described as misogynistic and a narcissist. 

Brady said Hill was made sad by her posting bikini shots, the inference being these languid poses suggested sexual availability.

The world quickly sorted itself into two camps, leftists siding with wronged woman bravely navigating the horrors of a controlling or to use the language of the day “coercive” man and conservatives taking the hand of a shell-shocked actor who, again, is stung by the dark side of fame. 

Yesterday, Hill, who is a keen surfer, was banned from surfing one of the world’s great waves, Hanaeli Bay, on the north shore of Kauai, where he had holidayed with Brady during their ill-fated relationship almost two years ago. 

Brady posted a message from a supporter who wrote,

“Will do my part to make sure he’s clipped from surfing on Kauai. He was a hazard in the lineup when I saw you guys out at the bay and the only reason no one said anything to him was cause he was with you and you were shredding. There’s enough toxic masculinity in surf culture already, glad you are free of him so you can keep shining and elevating women’s surfing without his bullshit holding you back!”

Brady replied, 

“Thank you!! That was my original intention, to make sure no one was still calling him into waves because they knew him through me haha kinda petty but…

“He got mad at me that day, because I paddled up the point and he was too scared to follow me.”

It was Brady’s most emasculating posts thus far although today, as the imbroglio moves into its fifth day, Brady has now shifted gears into Ludicrous + acceleration mode, posting a whopping seventy Instagram stories including this contradictory message, 

“Now, I finally get to paddle out there not feeling like I’m just the surfer girl who dated Jonah Hill. So Fuckin freeing. Might sound weird to you guys cause I still am that but now it’s not like people associating me with him and him as a nice person who I still have to talk nicely about.” 

I think after five days of I’m-Jonah-Hill’s-wronged-ex, along with an avalanche of press coverage she will be forever prefixed as Hill’s girlfriend, yes? 

And, question, has any man here been able to safely exit a relationship with a woman and not feel the sting of her wrath, even if her idea, new stud etc?