Jonah Hill’s ex Sarah Brady delivers stunning coup de grâce as actor is banned from Hawaiian surf spot made famous by Andy Irons, “If he ever tries to surf Hanalei again he neva get one wave without getting cut off”

Brady's most emasculating posts yet!

The actor and director Jonah Hill woke up in his beachfront Malibu home this morning and opened his telephone hoping, perhaps, his ex who’d been splashing their private texts over the internet might’ve run out gas, moved on etc, only to discover Congreve’s great line no one is angrier than a woman who has been rejected in love has never been truer in the online age. 

Four days ago, Brady lit a very public fire, dumping a series of what she said were private texts between the pair on Instagram. Brady claimed to be a “survivor” following the  end of a relationship with a man she described as misogynistic and a narcissist. 

Brady said Hill was made sad by her posting bikini shots, the inference being these languid poses suggested sexual availability.

The world quickly sorted itself into two camps, leftists siding with wronged woman bravely navigating the horrors of a controlling man and conservatives taking the hand of a shell-shocked actor who, again, is stung by the dark side of fame. 

And, now, Hill, a keen surfer, has been banned from surfing one of the world’s great waves, Hanaeli Bay, on the north shore of Kauai. 

Andy Irons, you’ll remember, poured his entire fortune into a house at Hanalei Bay. 

“I call it the Hanalei Bomber. It’s radical, it’s my dream,” he told me two weeks before he died in 2010. “I grew up across the street in my dad’s tool shed that we turned into a bedroom and it’s four houses across from the water. It’s everything I thought I wouldn’t or couldn’t have. It’s more than I could possibly fathom. No one handed it to me. I had to fucken go and do it myself. And, it’s my proudest accomplishment.”

(Andy’s widow Lyndie ultimately had to sell the Bomber with its seventeen-gees annual taxes. It sold for $4.3 mill to a guy from California.) 

Anyway, earlier today Brady posted a message from a supporter who writes, 

“Will do my part to make sure he’s clipped from surfing on Kauai. He was a hazard in the lineup when I saw you guys out at the bay and the only reason no one said anything to him was cause he was with you and you were shredding. There’s enough toxic masculinity in surf culture already, glad you are free of him so you can keep shining and elevating women’s surfing without his bullshit holding you back!”

Brady replied, 

“Thank you!! That was my original intention, to make sure no one was still calling him into waves because they knew him through me haha kinda petty but…

“He got mad at me that day, because I paddled up the point and he was too scared to follow me.” 

Another post followed, even more ominous, 

“If he ever tried to surf Hanalei again he neva get one wave without getting cut off. I’ll pass the world around to the regulators.” 

Here Brady writes, 

“Sometimes localism is the only thing that holds down safety respect and order in the lineup. I’m not condoning violence out of localism, but an order of who gets waves and when based on respect and reputation.” 

Is this Brady’s most emasculating post yet, describing a man she once supposedly loved as a frightened, angry kook whom nobody likes and who, now, will ever, again, enjoy the sublime beauty of a four-foot day at Hanalei? 

Also, the survivor thing. 

When I think survivor I think of brave Malala Yousafzai, shot in the head by Taliban for speaking out against the Afghan regime; I think of nine-year-old Napalm girl Phan Thị Kim Phúc OOnt  running naked after being hit by South Vietnamese bomb; or Aron Ralston who cut his hand off after being trapped by a boulder following a climbing accident. 

I don’t think having a needy ex necessarily puts you in the same league. If you don’t dig ‘em, delete their number, unfollow where necessary and move on. 

Or is that old fashioned, toxic etc?

Flaming liberal extreme sport agent viciously smeared by righteous Committee for Equity in Women’s Surfing!

Big sad.

The saga of Jonah Hill’s ex-girlfriend, Sarah Brady, publishing two tranches of private text messages in order to shame the beloved actor took a wild turn, hours ago, when the Committee for Equality in Women’s Surfing, or “Surf Equity,” swung into the mix in an attempt to tar the noted feminist, ally and extreme sport agent Circe Wallace while, at the same time, marginalizing and othering BeachGrit co-founder Derek Rielly.

The non-profit which claims to accept all races, cultures, sexual orientations, gender identities, national origins, abilities, socioeconomic backgrounds, gender expressions, countries of origin, ethnicities, religions and genders generally lowers its cannons and fires fusillades into the ranks of gay women and women with disabilities.

Gay big wave icon Keala Kennelly has been personally targeted as well as Bethany Hamilton, who was recently placed on the group’s “Racist Anti-Trans Wall of Shame.”

The openly left (too left, if you ask her husband) and ultra socially progressive Wallace, and one of the only female agents in extreme sports, was subjected to a most vicious smear with Surf Equity publishing, “Talent agent and former competitive snowboarder Circe Wallace is married to Chas Smith. Sadly, she pulls the stings on Chas’ misogynistic and anti-LGBTQIA+ rants.”

A picture of David Lee Scales smoking a cigarette and drinking what appears to be a Belgian beer accompanied the missive. Smith can be heard saying a vaguely positive thing about children’s author J.K. Rowling in the background.

Continuing, Surf Equity added the equally triggering and libelous, “Chas Smith and Circe Wallace write and publish misogynist trash about the surf industry on their website BeachGrit,” though Wallace has never written nor published a word and, much to her chagrin, is not included in the business documents of the biggest surf blog on earth.

Rielly, left entirely out, tears certainly streaming down weathered cheeks, has not been reached for comment.

Not finished, Surf Equity followers were asked to vote on if the lifelong Democrat and advocate was a Trump campaign contributor, a Mom’s For Liberty member or a TERF…

… before the coup de grace was delivered. A photograph of Smith and Wallace on the way to an already offensive ballet performance. Wallace further stained with the aforementioned shark attack survivor and world’s greatest surfer Kelly Slater.

Big sad.

Haves (left) and have nots. Photo: Princes of Malibu
Haves (left) and have nots. Photo: Princes of Malibu

Socially progressive surf paradise Malibu thumbs sculpted nose at visiting inland rabble, rips down signs pointing the way to beach!

Victors, spoils etc.

Recently erected street signs directing travelers to Malibu’s gorgeous Lechuza Beach have been cut down by the city. Apparently, a little game of hide and seek for outsiders.

Malibu says welcome, you inland huddled masses, to our shores. Explore the riches of our front yards. Come and splash in deep blue forests of azure alongside our humble residents. Surf with superstar Jonah Hill or wax with reformed antisemite Kanye West.

We are one.

It’s an open invite, sans directions.

Malibu says the signs posed a threat to public safety. The Mountains Recreation and Conservation Authority—which controls Lechuza Beach—thinks otherwise.

On Monday evening, representatives from the MRCA decried the sign sacking during Monday evening’s Malibu City Council meeting.

“With the summer heat ramping up, we wanted to provide this public service, but the city chose to cut them down and confiscate them,” stated the MCRA.

“It can be very difficult to find this public access down to this hidden beach…This is why the MRCA had these public coastal signs installed on three public access ways along this road.”

The MRCA says not very inclusive, Malibu!

In a formal rebuttal issued this morning, the benevolent City Council suggested the MRCA get bent:

“On June 26, 2023, the City of Malibu removed beach access signs that were installed at three locations along Broad Beach Rd, a city-owned street, near Lechuza Beach. These signs require a City permit to be issued to the Mountains Recreation and Conservation Authority (MRCA). The City continually supports public access to beaches in Malibu, which is protected under state law for the entire coast of California. Beach access signs are important to visitors, public safety agencies, and nearby homeowners to ensure that beachgoers stay on safe, maintained beach access paths.”

“A City Encroachment permit is needed to ensure that signs are placed in a safe location using standardized equipment. The signs installed by MRCA did not have signposts designed to break away for safety when struck by a vehicle, which is required under California and federal law. They had solid 6” steel posts. The signs were removed because they were not permitted and did not conform to safety standards.”

The safety first angle is appealing. Let’s see how fast Malibu plants new signs pointing the way to their sand. In the meantime, it’s likely to be received as a bananas-in-the-ears, atonal response to shifting socio-political winds.

California’s all-powerful Coastal Commission “plans and regulates the use of land and water” along the coast, with local communities and other relevant agencies, including the MRCA.

Over the past few years, the Commission has sharpened its focus, exerting greater control of who stands on the sand and swims in the sea through prodigious grant-funded initiatives.

“Since the very beginning, we’ve been looking at providing educational and experiential learning and stewardship opportunities to pretty much the whole population of California,” said Chris Parry, the commission’s public education program manager. “But we recognize there is this lack of equity and historical exclusion to various communities for access to the coast.”

Funding includes tossing twenty grand to Paddle for Peace to hold ten events, for BIPOC to learn to surf and one of the many queer surf clubs.

Taking a hard-eyed look at what the Coastal Commission is platforming, Malibu’s hold on things looks tentative.

“Certain communities and populations have been excluded for so long, it’s absolutely essential we make extra effort to make up for that,” said Sarah Christie, the Commission’s legislative director. “I think equity demands a greater focus to ensure those communities are fully supported to have the access they’ve deserved all along.”

You think the cut signs are a simple misunderstanding, a true act of public safety? or is it a helping of Social Darwinism spooned out from Malibu’s finest, necklaced with pride?

Surfer Gwyneth Paltrow compared to crocodile handbag after inadvertently revealing “horrific” sun-damaged skin!

"Wow you aged pretty badly. Use sunscreen."

It ain’t news that a human’s skin don’t respond real well if you put it under the hammer of the sun’s rayons over the course of a few decades.

And the most vulnerable are the fair of skin and hair. Revisit the cute blond beach bunny twenty years hence and that flawless brown epidermis is now a patch-work of dry scaly patches rendered a horror show by the long-term effects of solar keratoses.

Your old pal, DR, who prefers the occasional surgery to sunscreen was once compared to a crocodile handbag by the wife of a prime minister, although I missed the point of the comparison and figured it was because I was an object of rare beauty that only the most elite could afford. (Hubris!)

Now, Gwyneth Paltrow, mommy blogger, surfer, Nepo Baby, and vendor of candles that smell like the very same pussy where Brad Pitt, Ben Affleck and Chris Martin deposited their rancid genetic code, has inadvertently revealed her own croc-bag skin in a post to her eight million followers.

The photograph shows Paltrow and boyfriend Brad Falchuk blissful beneath a Provencal sun, with additional photos including an old villa and a gorgeous swimming pool.

Paltrow, who is fifty, doesn’t hide her skin behind filters and the damage, if you look hard enough, is clear.

But what price a good life, no?

It sure did infuriate some fans unaccustomed to seeing flaws in their idols.

Look at all the sun damage on your skin. What goop product will fix that.

Wow you aged pretty badly. Use sunscreen

Your sun damage is HORRIFIC

Your skin looks severely Sun damaged! Not a good look or advertisement for your products!

Also, she was/is a smoker. At one point, 2 packs a day. That’s sun damage and smoker’s skin. That’s not just normal aging for a 50 year old.

It doesn’t add up to me. The poster queen for a health and wellness empire having skin that badly sun damaged.

You’ll remember, or maybe not, last year when Paltrow “approached cancellation for providing inappropriate sunscreen advice.”

“Dermatologists were horrified, calling for a severe retraction,” wrote Chas Smith.

Barry D. Goldman, M.D., a clinical instructor at Cornell NewYork-Presbyterian Hospital said, “I do think it’s a bad message. 80-90% of all skin cancers are on the face and neck. I’ve seen many tumors on the eyelids or around the eyes, the forehead. Basically, the whole face should be covered… We think of the whole face as a high-risk area for skin cancer.”

Fans were outraged, calling for an execution.

Some lady on Twitter wrote, “Gwyenth Paltrow really made a video telling people to apply SPF like a highlighter to your face… That’s literally not how it works. It goes on the entire face, neck, & the back of hands.”

(Editor’s note: This story is an attempt to hit the lucrative clickbait market and is, therefore, not aimed at regular habitués of this site and we ask, therefore, that you refrain from cruel and triggering messaging below the line.)



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RFK Jr concedes to triple world champ Tudor.

“Supernaturally graceful” world surfing champ schools presidential hopeful RFK in wild online exchange over “racist” food!

“Ridiculous that you are acting like this is a one-sided problem…’s a nation wide problem that attacks the non wealthy!

The three-time world surfing champion and black-belt grappler Joel Tudor, described by Matt Warshaw as “supernaturally graceful”, has taken down presidential hopeful Robert F Kennedy Jr in a wild online exchange over “racist” food.

Kennedy, the jacked-to-hell sixty-nine-year-old former junkie son of murdered attorney general Bobby Kennedy and nephew of murdered president John Fitz Kennedy, has been eating up the news as he chases the Democratic presidential nomination, although his vaccines-cause-autism rhetoric has given him more play on the right than the left.

Now, following an online post by RFK where he visits a black-run organic farm and claims “Urban African-American communities have become food deserts where you cannot find healthy food”, or redlining and racism is hoarding all the good food for da whites, Tudor has come out swinging.

“Awwwww it ain’t just black people who eat like this …it’s all of poor america! Ridiculous that you are acting like this is a one sided problem…’s a nation wide problem that attacks the non wealthy! Take a trip to any trailer park in America and you’ll find this scenario has no color!”

Tudor, who is forty-seven, found support even among RFK’s followers.

“it’s not a racial problem it’s an American problem.”

“Maybe call it proper instead of making it a black issue. It is an American issue. Every grocery store across the country has this issue.”

“Color color color… complete nonsense, every single demographic in the US has this issue. Even upper-class families eat garbage because it is damn near impossible to find farms like @whiteoakpastures.”

“I’ve made this point about a dozen times in this thread already. Bulk chicken is leaps and bounds healthier than eating McDonalds, doritos and mt dew every day. I’m not suggesting that a poor family can afford small farm organic meats regularly. I’m saying that if they just used the money they spend on junk food on bulk cheap options like rice, beans, chicken, pork, etc, they would be way healthier than eating KFC.”

“I second this motion. Come down to North Carolina and I’ll show you the same thing @robertfkennedyjr Its not a race thing. It’s just a system to keep poor people poor and more importantly sick. The drug company Bayer owns the seeds and fertilizers and bug killers that go into the crops which is designed to yet again get people sick so we can then go to their hospitals and pay for their drugs. It an evil circle that we won’t get out of until all the Lobbying stops and all the Politicians aren’t bought. Maybe if the politicians weren’t making millions from insider trading, they’d have time to actually fight for America.”

And RFK, who enjoys being everything to everyone, quickly conceded Tudor’s stunning coup de grace, although, you’ll notice, he conspicuously capitalises Native American and Latino while giving whites the short shrift I suppose the bleached devils deserve.

“You are right, the lack of access to healthy food is a widespread problem. Six percent of Americans live in a food desert today, including one in five black households…good apartheid exists all over this nation, from Native American Reservations, to white and Latino communities.”

Question: is the choice really that binary, McDonalds and Mountain Dew vs wildly expensive organic food, or can the average citizen subsist, happily and healthily on industrially farmed fruit, meat and vegetables thus nullifying the racism angle?