Advertisement

Surfer Gwyneth Paltrow compared to crocodile handbag after inadvertently revealing “horrific” sun-damaged skin!

"Wow you aged pretty badly. Use sunscreen."

It ain’t news that a human’s skin don’t respond real well if you put it under the hammer of the sun’s rayons over the course of a few decades.

And the most vulnerable are the fair of skin and hair. Revisit the cute blond beach bunny twenty years hence and that flawless brown epidermis is now a patch-work of dry scaly patches rendered a horror show by the long-term effects of solar keratoses.

Your old pal, DR, who prefers the occasional surgery to sunscreen was once compared to a crocodile handbag by the wife of a prime minister, although I missed the point of the comparison and figured it was because I was an object of rare beauty that only the most elite could afford. (Hubris!)

Now, Gwyneth Paltrow, mommy blogger, surfer, Nepo Baby, and vendor of candles that smell like the very same pussy where Brad Pitt, Ben Affleck and Chris Martin deposited their rancid genetic code, has inadvertently revealed her own croc-bag skin in a post to her eight million followers.

The photograph shows Paltrow and boyfriend Brad Falchuk blissful beneath a Provencal sun, with additional photos including an old villa and a gorgeous swimming pool.

Paltrow, who is fifty, doesn’t hide her skin behind filters and the damage, if you look hard enough, is clear.

But what price a good life, no?

It sure did infuriate some fans unaccustomed to seeing flaws in their idols.

Look at all the sun damage on your skin. What goop product will fix that.

Wow you aged pretty badly. Use sunscreen

Your sun damage is HORRIFIC

Your skin looks severely Sun damaged! Not a good look or advertisement for your products!

Also, she was/is a smoker. At one point, 2 packs a day. That’s sun damage and smoker’s skin. That’s not just normal aging for a 50 year old.

It doesn’t add up to me. The poster queen for a health and wellness empire having skin that badly sun damaged.

You’ll remember, or maybe not, last year when Paltrow “approached cancellation for providing inappropriate sunscreen advice.”

Dermatologists were horrified, calling for a severe retraction,” wrote Chas Smith.

Barry D. Goldman, M.D., a clinical instructor at Cornell NewYork-Presbyterian Hospital said, “I do think it’s a bad message. 80-90% of all skin cancers are on the face and neck. I’ve seen many tumors on the eyelids or around the eyes, the forehead. Basically, the whole face should be covered… We think of the whole face as a high-risk area for skin cancer.”

Fans were outraged, calling for an execution.

Some lady on Twitter wrote, “Gwyenth Paltrow really made a video telling people to apply SPF like a highlighter to your face… That’s literally not how it works. It goes on the entire face, neck, & the back of hands.”

(Editor’s note: This story is an attempt to hit the lucrative clickbait market and is, therefore, not aimed at regular habitués of this site and we ask, therefore, that you refrain from cruel and triggering messaging below the line.)

 

 

View this post on Instagram

 

A post shared by Gwyneth Paltrow (@gwynethpaltrow)

0 0 votes
Article Rating

Commented on Disqus? Log out, tap the Disqus button, and your old name and comments come back. The box is ours.

Join the discussion

Your comments are still here. Every one of them.

Twelve years of BeachGrit comments came across from Disqus. Connect and we will show you how many are yours. We get your username, nothing else.

Unclaimed
Handle
Comments
Posting since

Connect Disqus to reveal.

Subscribe
Notify of
42 Comments
Newest
Oldest Most Voted
The Bitchy Crab

rancid genetic…codes…

Wotusay

So how does DR know that those candles smell like that particular bag woman’s pussy?

The Bitchy Crab

It’s on Amazon!

John Non John

She looks a bit like a Beach Grit reader

snapper

good God….she looks like the weathered, older version of Mick.

tim_nelsen

just pulled my pants up. she still does it for me. SPF-40. itchy.

Rocks local

peak BG. Just retire now, DR.

ricmatic

Used to paddle out doused in baby oil with a freshly lit fag. Squamous cell carcinoma carved out of my face age 23.

Rocks local

jeezus man, hope you’re good now. All the best.

ricmatic

Thanks Rocks, got thru it just fine.

tim_nelsen

nope! you were on a slip ‘n slide, basil.

Sellme fitzgobbins

Lizard people have lizard skin, kinda reminds me of my exs,s mum

notsurfingtoday

Although the ‘rancid genetic code deposit’ line is a very fine read, the Editors Note is a masterclass in sarcasm.

tim_nelsen

cc: ELO

AI (for ever) .
Hippy

cruel messaging. LOL.

She makes candles that smell like her pussy until menopause.

tim_nelsen

GP: “can you smell me now?”

The Bitchy Crab

Does it change?

Chief Hot stuff

I admire her aversion to breast affirming care

tim_nelsen

jumpin off clifz https://youtu.be/aiRn3Zlw3Rw

tim_nelsen

leave me alone~

tim_nelsen

goop! no candles. please.

Hippy

“Your old pal, DR, who prefers the occasional surgery to sunscreen was
once compared to a crocodile handbag by the wife of a prime minister,
although I missed the point of the comparison and figured it was because
I was an object of rare beauty that only the most elite could afford.”

You won’t read that anywhere.

Fuckin fuck.

I was in awe until I read

“Now, Gwyneth Paltrow, mommy blogger, surfer, Nepo Baby, and vendor of candles that smell like the very same pussy where Brad Pitt, Ben Affleck and Chris Martin deposited their rancid genetic code, has inadvertently revealed her own croc-bag skin in a post to her eight million followers.”

You won’t read that anywhere else.

tim_nelsen

can i drop a log? https://scontent-sjc3-1.xx….

Dogsnuts

You heard Derek everyone, so stop being a bunch of bumhole fingering cunts xox

astro

Every so often you come across a horse begging for a beating.
Well, what are you going to do ….

tim_nelsen

junior lifesavers and/or local beach surf club? swim ’round the pier…”no chlorine”

Dogsnuts

Flog the cunt x

Stick man

Bleach it!

Pauly Matt War-Shore

First time I ever saw someone and thought, fuck me, they’ve had too much sun, was when I was on a visit to The Goldy, and me and the old man hired longboards off Billy Rak.

Derek Hynd's Missing Fins

Feel free to run that piece on you now, too, Ed.

The Bitchy Crab

I’ll read now! Maybe resend so top of crowded box.

Derek Hynd's Missing Fins

Oh you read it a few months back. Said you didn’t want to center the main character of the piece.

The Bitchy Crab

Oh that one!


42
0
Would love your thoughts, please comment.x
()
x