"Wow you aged pretty badly. Use sunscreen."
It ain’t news that a human’s skin don’t respond real well if you put it under the hammer of the sun’s rayons over the course of a few decades.
And the most vulnerable are the fair of skin and hair. Revisit the cute blond beach bunny twenty years hence and that flawless brown epidermis is now a patch-work of dry scaly patches rendered a horror show by the long-term effects of solar keratoses.
Your old pal, DR, who prefers the occasional surgery to sunscreen was once compared to a crocodile handbag by the wife of a prime minister, although I missed the point of the comparison and figured it was because I was an object of rare beauty that only the most elite could afford. (Hubris!)
Now, Gwyneth Paltrow, mommy blogger, surfer, Nepo Baby, and vendor of candles that smell like the very same pussy where Brad Pitt, Ben Affleck and Chris Martin deposited their rancid genetic code, has inadvertently revealed her own croc-bag skin in a post to her eight million followers.
The photograph shows Paltrow and boyfriend Brad Falchuk blissful beneath a Provencal sun, with additional photos including an old villa and a gorgeous swimming pool.
Paltrow, who is fifty, doesn’t hide her skin behind filters and the damage, if you look hard enough, is clear.
But what price a good life, no?
It sure did infuriate some fans unaccustomed to seeing flaws in their idols.
Look at all the sun damage on your skin. What goop product will fix that.
Wow you aged pretty badly. Use sunscreen
Your sun damage is HORRIFIC
Your skin looks severely Sun damaged! Not a good look or advertisement for your products!
Also, she was/is a smoker. At one point, 2 packs a day. That’s sun damage and smoker’s skin. That’s not just normal aging for a 50 year old.
It doesn’t add up to me. The poster queen for a health and wellness empire having skin that badly sun damaged.
Dermatologists were horrified, calling for a severe retraction,” wrote Chas Smith.
Barry D. Goldman, M.D., a clinical instructor at Cornell NewYork-Presbyterian Hospital said, “I do think it’s a bad message. 80-90% of all skin cancers are on the face and neck. I’ve seen many tumors on the eyelids or around the eyes, the forehead. Basically, the whole face should be covered… We think of the whole face as a high-risk area for skin cancer.”
Fans were outraged, calling for an execution.
Some lady on Twitter wrote, “Gwyenth Paltrow really made a video telling people to apply SPF like a highlighter to your face… That’s literally not how it works. It goes on the entire face, neck, & the back of hands.”
(Editor’s note: This story is an attempt to hit the lucrative clickbait market and is, therefore, not aimed at regular habitués of this site and we ask, therefore, that you refrain from cruel and triggering messaging below the line.)
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rancid genetic…codes…
So how does DR know that those candles smell like that particular bag woman’s pussy?
It’s on Amazon!
She looks a bit like a Beach Grit reader
good God….she looks like the weathered, older version of Mick.
just pulled my pants up. she still does it for me. SPF-40. itchy.
peak BG. Just retire now, DR.
Used to paddle out doused in baby oil with a freshly lit fag. Squamous cell carcinoma carved out of my face age 23.
jeezus man, hope you’re good now. All the best.
Thanks Rocks, got thru it just fine.
nope! you were on a slip ‘n slide, basil.
Lizard people have lizard skin, kinda reminds me of my exs,s mum
Although the ‘rancid genetic code deposit’ line is a very fine read, the Editors Note is a masterclass in sarcasm.
cc: ELO
https://uploads.disquscdn.c…
cruel messaging. LOL.
She makes candles that smell like her pussy until menopause.
GP: “can you smell me now?”
Does it change?
I admire her aversion to breast affirming care
jumpin off clifz https://youtu.be/aiRn3Zlw3Rw
leave me alone~
goop! no candles. please.
“Your old pal, DR, who prefers the occasional surgery to sunscreen was
once compared to a crocodile handbag by the wife of a prime minister,
although I missed the point of the comparison and figured it was because
I was an object of rare beauty that only the most elite could afford.”
You won’t read that anywhere.
Fuckin fuck.
I was in awe until I read
“Now, Gwyneth Paltrow, mommy blogger, surfer, Nepo Baby, and vendor of candles that smell like the very same pussy where Brad Pitt, Ben Affleck and Chris Martin deposited their rancid genetic code, has inadvertently revealed her own croc-bag skin in a post to her eight million followers.”
You won’t read that anywhere else.
can i drop a log? https://scontent-sjc3-1.xx….
You heard Derek everyone, so stop being a bunch of bumhole fingering cunts xox
Every so often you come across a horse begging for a beating.
Well, what are you going to do ….
junior lifesavers and/or local beach surf club? swim ’round the pier…”no chlorine”
Flog the cunt x
Bleach it!
First time I ever saw someone and thought, fuck me, they’ve had too much sun, was when I was on a visit to The Goldy, and me and the old man hired longboards off Billy Rak.
Feel free to run that piece on you now, too, Ed.
I’ll read now! Maybe resend so top of crowded box.
Oh you read it a few months back. Said you didn’t want to center the main character of the piece.
Oh that one!