Photo: @sarahhbrady
Photo: @sarahhbrady

Wanton hyperbole reaches critical mass as international media dubs Jonah Hill’s vengeful ex Sarah Brady a “professional surfer!”

RIP, meaning. You had a good run.

Meaning, as it relates to the written language, took a fatal blow, overnight, after international media pounced upon the story of Malibu icon Jonah Hill’s ex-girlfriend Sarah Brady publishing private text messages and castigating the beloved actor/director as a “misogynist” and a “narcissist.” Long on the ropes due octogenarian politicians and various chief purpose and people officers, meaning was hoping for a summer comeback as people from various sides of the cultural spectrum came together, watched the Barbie movie and agreed upon it being top notch.

Alas, Brady’s unforeseen attack has left it all but dead, the last straw the aforementioned global press describing her as a “professional surfer.”

Per India’s favorite digital destination for the most wide-ranging entertainment and lifestyle content Pinkvilla:

Learn about Jonah Hill’s ex Sarah Brady, who is a 25-year-old professional surfer, law student, photographer, and activist.

Sarah Brady is a remarkable individual who has established herself as a force to be reckoned with in various domains. From professional surfing to pursuing a law degree, she has showcased her talents and dedication. Additionally, her passion for activism and photography further adds to her diverse skill set. Let’s delve into the life and achievements of Sarah Brady.

Professional surfing and sponsorship

As a professional surfer, Sarah Brady has been making waves since 2017. She competes in prestigious competitions and is sponsored by esteemed brands, including The Sea for swimwear and Tyler Warren Surfboards. Through her exceptional skills and unwavering commitment to the sport, Brady has gained recognition in the surfing community.

She competes in prestigious competitions and is sponsored by esteemed brands?

Through her exceptional skills and unwavering commitment she has gained recognition in the surfing community?

Brady seems to be ok on a longboard, though I’d imagine if she ever came up against surf feminist hero Lucy Small she’d be dispatched forthwith.

I wonder what her take on this whole unfortunate business is, now that I think about it.

In any case, RIP, meaning. You had a good run.

Daughter of Mikala Jones pens moving tribute to her father, killed in Mentawai surfing accident

“I wish I could give you one last hug. I wish I could tell you again how much I love you and thank you for being the best dad…”

The surfing world is in shock, understandably, after the premature death of tuberiding maestro Mikala Jones, whose POV images from inside impossibly perfect caverns, have captivated surfers and photo editors for years. 

His daughter Isabella Lokelani Jones paid tribute to her Dad in a moving post on Instagram. 

“I’m in so much disbelief right now, this doesn’t feel real. I love you so much dad and i wish i could give you one last hug. I wish i could tell you again how much i love you and thank you for being the best dad. I wish you were still here with us, you weren’t supposed to leave yet. This is too soon. I know you are in a good place now with nana vi, and your friends. I wish this never happened and we could just wake up and go surf together tomorrow morning. 

“I’m not sure how to put this in words, but my dad got into a bad surfing accident and didn’t make it. Im happy he was doing what he loved the most. Life will never be the same without you. I miss you so much, i would do anything to get one more moment, even if it was us arguing and then laughing our asses off. Thank you for teaching me so many life lessons, and always being there for me. I wish you were still here with us right now. I will always be think about you dad ❤️ i love you so much, thank you for everything ❤️ fly high 🕊️ ur a fucking legend.”

A roll call of surfing luminaries including Mark Healey, Kamalei Alexander, Taylor Steele, Tia Blanco, Griffin Colapinto, Shane Dorian, Laura Enever and Lyndie Irons paid tribute below the line. 

“A truly special and amazing human,” wrote Healey. 

Mikala, who was forty-four, was no stranger to putting himself in danger as he charged waves across the Indonesian archipelago.

In a 2012 interview with Nathan Myers, Mikala recounted his near-death experience at a remote reef. 

“I got sucked over the falls and landed on my board…I may have gotten knocked out for a moment, because the next thing I remember is touching the bottom with my feet. I don’t know…all that happened pretty fast.

“With my feet on the bottom, I got a push straight up. I still hadn’t opened my eyes yet, so when I reached the surface I looked around and everything was just going in circles. I barely got my head up for air and I saw the next ten-footer barreling down on me. I managed to scream ‘help’ and then Boom, the lip landed right on me. Underwater everything was going in circles. I grabbed my leash and started to shimmy myself up. I don’t know how long I was under, but I got up just before the next wave hit. Again, everything was going in circles. I yell out again, ‘Help!’ and then the third wave hits me. This was about a 6-foot double-up, and this was the gnarly one.

“I’m underwater doing summersaults and I can’t figure out which way is up. I try to find my leash and I can’t do it… I’m underwater, looking for my leash, looking for the bottom, but everything I see is just spinning in circles. And by this time, I actually felt the fifth wave pass over me. And at that point, I was like, ‘Are you kidding me. I’m going to drown.’

“And then suddenly I’m out of my body. I’m actually looking down at myself. The surface of the water is only two feet above me, but I couldn’t figure it out.I hear my daughter’s voice, ‘Daddy, come home.  

“And then I came to. I don’t know how, but suddenly I’m out of the water. I went from watching myself drown — literally going ‘glug, glug, glug’ — to suddenly standing on the reef, like angels pulled me out of the water. Next thing I know, the sixth wave hits me and I just bear hug my board. Everything is still spinning and I just go summersaulting along the reef hanging onto my board as tight as I can.

“I was literally seconds away from drowning. After that I just layed on the beach coughing up water, with bubbles coming out of my ear. And the waves were just pumping. I was bummed to miss the rest of the swell, but I guess that’s better than going home in a bodybag.”

Conservative firebrand Candace Owens savages Jonah Hill’s surf instructor ex Sarah Brady following public dump of damning text messages!

“Basic respect for your partner is now being labeled as ‘misogynistic’ from insecure women”

The Malibu-based director and actor Jonah Hill was comprehensively lashed in the public square yesterday when his surf instructor ex Sarah Brady dumped screenshots of what she claimed were private text messages between the pair on her instagram account. 

Brady split from Hill almost two years ago whereupon Hill found love with fashion maven Olivia Millar who is now the mother of his new kid. 

Sharp-eyed paparazzi first photographed Hill and Millar, the co-founder of the online vintage shopping site Chasseresse, in a passionate clutch near Malibu; Hill in scarlet surf trunks pushing his hot hollow against the port thigh of Miller in a green and gold bikini.

Perhaps related to Hill becoming a daddy and finding joy with another gal, Brady lit a very public bonfire with the fusilldade of unflattering texts claiming it was for the benefit of her mental health. Response was mostly on the side of Brady, you go girl, smash the patriarchy and so on, although support for Hill has started to come from the most unlikely source… conservatives. 

Right-wing firebrand Candace Owens, a black author and talk show host who once appeared alongside Kanye West in a White Lives Matter tee and who says she “broke Black Lives Matter” with her documentary The Greatest Lie Ever Sold, has savaged Brady in a series of tweets to her almost four million followers. 

“Women say there are no good men,” writes Owens. “The truth is there are plenty of good men but many women don’t want to rise to the level of being good women. Basic respect for yourself and your partner isn’t a tall ask. Again, there is nothing wrong with Jonah Hill’s leaked text messages.”

Response, as expected from her followers, mostly agreed. 

Nothing wrong with the above.  He was respectful and stated clearly what he wanted to take the relationship to the next level.  We should all strive to be this forthcoming in our relationships.

You can CLEARLY see she crossed boundaries based on his comment. 

My guess:

Her friends hyped her up and told her she could do better, she posted thirst traps, a man messaged her using surfing as bait and something happened.

Him: If your self-worth comes from being half naked, sexualizing yourself, and throwing yourself at men that have no respect for you; I support you. While this brings you happiness it makes me un-happy so I think it’s best we part ways.

Her: You’re misogynistic and a narcissist.

Agreed. This isn’t abuse, it’s defining the parameters of a relationship before two parties become deeply involved. This woman needs to visit a domestic abuse shelter for a wake-up call. Abusers don’t negotiate. They use manipulation and power control tactics to FORCEFULLY make you bend to their will.

Abusers don’t give checklists of behaviors that turn them off and then ask if you’re willing to compromise for the sake of the relationship

I agree. I’m a Latina woman, and although I’m no fan of Hollywood, I don’t see anything wrong with Mr. Hills requests.

She was in a relationship. He wanted her around people who were grounded and not hanging out with “male friends.” He asked for nothing unreasonable.

I don’t know what Jonah Hill is like, but that one text was pretty great. I read it and was like “wow, he actually has standards!”. It’s a green flag in my books.

Revenge is never pretty, of course, mud and blood and cum covers everyone including the supposed brave victim.

Hill, meanwhile, has maintained a dignified silence.

Ex-World Surf League CEO Erik Logan makes cryptic first public comments since savage firing!

"I am" "Hi"

Former World Surf League CEO Erik “ELo” Logan, savagely fired just over a week ago, is back-ish. The mystery as to why he was let go so harshly has only grown over these past days. After issuing the most terse release in public relations history, the “global home of professional surfing” has battened down the hatches in a way it never has before. A complete Stalinist erasure hidden underneath a code of silence. I have reached out to current employees, past employees, investors and other surf journalists.

None know anything.

Rumors that seem to have some veracity have been dutifully chased and punctured leaving… nothing but the sort of emptiness Logan used to spin with his words.

Synergies of diddly.

Vectors of nada.

The World Surf League is not known for its ability to stop leaks. Your dear BeachGrit has often caused much consternation within the Santa Monica-based governing body by learning and publishing secrets (see: Ultimate Surfer Zeke Lau) but this one, whatever happened with Logan or to Logan, has been so locked down that it makes me think heavy, heavy lawyers are involved.

Well, I’ll keep pursing and the truth will prevail, though in the meantime the Oklahoman with a magic wetsuit of armor, himself, is back doing what he does best.

Being weird on social media.

But you are certainly aware of Threads, Instagram’s answer to Twitter. The service, launched days ago, has won many new users, including Logan who took time off from finding another job and/or rehabilitating his image to reply to various posts.

Artist Pete Halvorsen wrote, “If you’re new to “me” (6K of you as of today (mind blown emoji) honored) I also make art with photos I capture… which utilizes this “space” nicely to see the detail.”

Erik Logan commented, “I am”

The Los Angeles Clippers NBA team wrote, “Everyone say hi.”

Erik Logan commented, “Hi”

Why is he doing that?

“I am” “Hi”

A cryptic code to explain what happened in Brazil?

The World Surf League’s Chief Apple Polisher Dave Prodan probably knows, just like he probably knows why Logan was fired, but won’t tell me.

Sad face emoji.

Photo: @mikalajones__
Photo: @mikalajones__

Surf world in mourning as Hawaiian legend Mikala Jones suffers gruesome fatal injury while surfing in Indonesia

A dark day.

Surfers near and far woke to the shock news that Mikala Jones, 44, of the very famous Jones family, had died hours ago after suffering a gruesome injury while on a surf trip to the Mentawi Islands. Stab reported that he severed his femoral artery leading to massive blood loss.

Alongside brothers Daniel and Keoni and sister Malia, Mikala made an indelible mark on surf history with an effortless style and unconstrained lifestyle, chasing perfect surf over titles and points. His video releases, pristine and glorious featuring some of the best barrels in the world, an absolute staple over the past two decades.

Matuse wetsuits, whom Jones rode for, described him thusly:

The son of a doctor, Mikala is intelligent and sophisticated. He’s street smart and savvy but never one to front. Magnanimous, yet, Mikala is also uber-mysto about the secret spots he guards. He is a private family man with residences in Haleiwa and Bali. However, because of Mikala’s personality, professionalism and smooth hand-jiving style he’s a jet-setter who handpicks each year’s photo excursions.

Everyone knows that Mikala has the skills to pay the bills. But his greatest asset is his steel worker mentality. Surfing is his passion as well as his pension. So he hustles and grinds. Call it luck or hard work but he and has an uncanny knack for landing the air, making the tube, getting the shot and being on the cover.

Tributes are flooding his Instagram account with many sharing memories of trips to Indonesia with Jones or simple days at Rocky Point.

A dark day.