The powerfully built Hawaiian with full round breasts sculpted by god and that rivet the eyes returns to the WCT!
In an important rumour, loosed, perhaps, to quell the disquiet over the WSL’s lack of diversity in its TV debut Ultimate Surfer, BIPOC Hawaiian Zeke Lau wins the series, and is gifted wildcards to Snapper, Margaret River and Surf Ranch on the 21-22 Tour.
The six-foot-two, two-hundred pound Hawaiian with full round breasts sculpted by god and that rivet the eyes, qualified for the WCT in 2017 and competed for three seasons before missing the cut for the 2020 season.
It ain’t surprising Zeke wins; put any WCT surfer against qualifier-level shredders and the difference is marked.
The other cast members, Kai Barger, Austin Clouse, Mason Barnes, Luke Davis, Alejandro Moreda and Koa Smith are a mix of beauty and some talent, although none, I think, at CT level, unlike Zeke.
Zeke’s high point on the tour was in 2018 when he highlighted the world champion John John Florence’s tender underside, an unwillingness to engage in paddle battles etc.
From Longtom’s report on the day,
“Zeke, with a face like an Easter Island statue and physique to match, had monstered John, got all up in his grill and had sent the world champ into a tailspin. Combo’ed, Florence fell, then fell again as the clock ticked down. It was thrilling and almost wincingly painful to watch, like a David Attenborough documentary where the elegant ruminant gets savaged by a lion then has its insides ripped out by a pack of hyaenas. The champ looked so helpless. All that insouciance at the Gold Coast was gone and in its place was a lonely blond-haired kid being frowned upon by an older man on the stairs who shook his head sadly as the siren sounded.”
The WSL subsequently reinstated a rule that surfers could not “excessively hassle” their opponents.
“I seen the Zeke Rule,” Zeke said. “I’m making history out here. They gotta make new rules to contain me. Excessive hassling… I call it just a little love tap, y’know. That’s all it is.”
Ultimate Surfer goes to air Monday, August 23 at 10 p.m. ET/PT.
Dunno who wins the girls, if y’wondering.,
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I’m just happy it’s all over and we have a winner tbh
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Spoiler Alert: Kelly reflects on his own career and then breaks the news that unfortunately, unlike him, Zeke’s just an ‘Errand Boy’
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Plot Spoiler: The Ultimate Surfers recreate the ultimate beach running scene (this time on grass). Props to Kelly for keeping his shirt on!
Where you find this gold?
A gift from Google images. The gift that keeps on giving! Love it when google serves up such riches.
This headline was like a logic puzzle, so many elements of it I do not understand.
He and Luke Davis were the only two who could win, with Kai Barger having an outside chance if he’s fit.
I’m curious to see if Luke Davis tries to use this to become famous outside of surfing. Pro surfers are basically just Instagram influencers anyways.
Ha, no wonder the WSL hates BG
If the story is true, I think Derek and Chas might want to hire some protection, I don’t think Dirk, Elo and K.S. are gonna be too stoked about it.
Zekester Island.
Zeke, the poor man’s Sunny.
Sally Fitzgibbon?
PS…spoiler alert
I can’t even
My initial reaction was that you’d ruined this for me, but then I remembered I was only hate watching for Kelly cameos.
I’m certain there’ll be a test or two where Kelly makes everyone watch him for a couple of hours and the winner will be who can surf most like him, judged by him.
Specific tasks to complete:
1. Carving 360
2. That aerial spinning thing he did in New York and a few other places that year
3. Run up the beach after a surf in slow motion and coolly chat up a romantic interest in revealing surfwear/swimsuit
4. Go up against special guest Herro in a banana board heat
Etc.
No surprise here – Surfers have never been able to keep secrets.
Uhh, so where did this rumor come from?
Yeah, the dude doesn’t really look Hawaiian, say like Eddie Aikau, Bertelmen, or Barry Kanaiaupuni.
Just looks like a Haole with a tan.
“https://www.nbcnews.com › news
Pro Surfer Ezekiel Lau Is Proud to Share Hawaii’s ‘Gift to the World’
Zeke Lau from http://www.nbcnews.com
Apr 17, 2017 — It’s been a long road to the championship tour for Lau, who identifies as Native Hawaiian, Chinese, and white.”
Convenient.
Isn’t everybody on Oahu part Hawaiian, even fast Eddie.
what exactly is the point you’re trying to make here ?
That the Wsl isn’t really diverse.
don’t trip on those backpedal edits after my question
and no, Rothman is 100% haole from the mainland
It’s a (old, old) joke, (really), because, it seems anyone from Oahu will almost tell you they have some native Hawaiian blood, especially if they have dark hair and a bit of color and grew up there.
You Hawaiin bra?
ya, ya, back on my Auntie’s side we can trace it back somewhere.
Now go home Haole.
Yawn … burrp … okay, whatever
damn, you really are a sad little fuck aren’t you?
Dude, maybe you need to take it up with Chas and Derek, it seems they are the ones who keep bringing up the, “lack of diversity”.
Packpedsl edits?
No edit brahda, just copy and paste from something I found on da web.
Please, please, please, please, please…
JUST FUCK OFF!
Grow up.
Mate, your chat is painful.
Dirk Ziff, pro surfing/WSL is awful (but for some reason I’ll pay attention to everything that happens and constantly bang on about it), Dora, shit quotes from old longboarders, catch your own waves and ride them etc etc.
I’m sure I’ve forgotten some classics but it’s giving me a headache just writing these down.
It never changes. I’ve been reading it for years and I hate, hate, hate it.
Please, just change the record. If you hate it all so much just stop paying attention and commenting the same tired old shit. Just go surfing. No-one, and I mean absolutely no-one, wants to listen to your shit chat.
Sorry but he won’t be able to reply for a couple of weeks.
Bravo. Convenient that he outed himself as a racist too and there’s an official reason to get him to fuck.
People in Hawaii are very simple minded. If you have dark skin than you are Hawaiian and if you have light skin than you are haole. Doesn’t matter how genetically Polynesian or native Hawaiian you actually are.
Yes Jack, as I know (having logged quite a bit of time there) and as ‘you’ know, and as Leroy found out when he split to the islands, that what you say is ‘pretty much true’, to some extent.
Sometimes you can get ‘stink eye’ there, for just having blonde hair.
And if you have somewhat dark skin, you may not get pounded.
Da point I’m trying to make here is, I think it’s a bunch of crock for the Wsl to be trying to paint themselves as diverse, when it seems obvious (by the contestants) that their target audience is Orange county,
greater California, and Mainland USA, where the $$ is at.
When the Wsl formed, their mission statement was, basically, “to make a profit”, to “benefit the pros”, even retirement plans.
The Wsl are ‘not’ doing this “Ultimate Surfer” out of the goodness of their heart or for fun– they are trying to ‘reach’ a ‘target audience’, to hopefully ‘sell a product’ and make a ‘profit’.
It’s a ‘marketing’ ‘scheme’.
Pretty plain and simple I think.
And I think they hand picked the contestants who could help them to achieve their objective–$$$
You fucking what?
.. ethan ewing?
Makarori?
Further proof everything about the wsl (and the asp etc before it) is like ‘pro’ wrestling.
Staged and scripted, with results decided before the match begins.
Not as if we didn’t know that already, but just go along for the fun of the ride anyway…
It seems the soul of a woman was created below
Happy mothers day!!
“Zeke CT level…” gasp cof cof
Koa “beauty”…
Imagina Zeke, champion in Trestles…
But it could be more worse and bizarre…
Imagine Koa, The Beauty, catwalking his “beauty” in the CT!
If things do come to pass and Zeke is the one who wins, then you’d have to think that was the plan from the start, right? Elo is not going to have someone win the show who will then go on to get smoked in each and every heat during their wildcard CT appearances. He wants the guy that those new Midwestern viewers are now following from their time watching on ABC to be able to actually have a shot at winning some heats. Zeke is the only option.
You are speaking like Zeke has any ideas what of what he is doing. You give him too much credit.
Rip pro surfing
I think you pretty much hit the nail on the head, as this is trying to reach a new “inland” target audience for them.
And yes, ELO and these guys have been around way, way too long to just let things happen, without some type of ‘pre-formulated’ plan.
And without the new inland audience you mentioned, it seems that the WSL will never be profitable by itself, and Dirk will have to keep footing the bill.