"If you give me $500 I will give you 5000 slaps."
Not long ago, our surf world was a different place and especially on Oahu’s fabled North Shore. Bad behavior in the water was not met with police calling or social media shaming but with points to the beach and fisticuffs. Interlopers dared not even peek at iconic breaks such as Pipeline, where paks of wolves terrorized, much less dream of paddling out.
Kooks, in general, minded their Ps and Qs.
Those who thought they might be welcomed to paradise were quickly ushered to hell and few were more feared than Kala Alexander.
The specter, hailing from Kauai, very much looked the part. Fearsome eyes, knuckle tattoos, Brazilian jiujitsu training, a rap sheet. His name was whispered in hushed tones, no one wanting to draw unnecessary attention.
Times changed, as you know, a softness settling over western civilization as it identitys itself into extinction but, hours ago, Alexander reminded all that North Shore justice still exists and may simply be hibernating.
The subject of his ire?
Internet scammers.
As anyone with a phone or computer knows, messages promising money for little, or nothing, are ubiquitous. While most consider it background noise, victims are sometimes snared and Alexander has a message for those responsible.
Taking to Instagram, a forum favorited by sneaks, Da Captain declared:
So sad how much people are falling for the “give me $100 or $500 and I will give you $5000 or $8000 or whatever.” Listen people even if someone offers you 10$ if you give them $1 ITS A SCAM !!!!! Don’t do it people. Listen if anybody hits you up with the scam just send them to me I am offering this once in a lifetime deal for scam artists. All they have to do is give me $500 and I will give them 10,000 slaps. Do not shoot a video for them and do not give them any money please people don’t do it. Just send them to me.
But what do you think true market value for one slap is? $500 for 10,000 slaps seems a pretty good deal, to be honest.
In any case, have you ever fallen for a scam? Did it make you feel small and lonely?
I’m sorry.
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I’m still waiting for my $18 motorised surfboard to arrive. It’s only been 6 months, I guess things move slowly in China 🤷♂️
Wolf Paki? Thats a bit racist
This is a wolf pack worthy of respect
https://www.instagram.com/r…
OK Kala. Good luck on that… regulating the interwebs thing.
prices range from $100, $500 in US. $50.00 in the early years. you know, inflation!
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(Linkiest.com)
Sounds legit, how many slaps we talking?
Hello again, gentle viewer. Join me again to appreciate the power and authority that Leslie West and MOUNTAIN brought to the stage.
This video contains both songs that were edited for inclusion in the Woodstock movie. It is always a source of confusion, since the Woodstock Album included these songs, but from different performances in New York.
There was obviously some money spent on mixing these songs, but even with the most talented mix engineer, they are still subject somewhat to the tracks they were given; Everything at Woodstock has a level of chaos and variability woven into the magic. Just in these two songs alone you can hear the tracking engineers on the farm scrambling and changing the inputs to ensure that is sounded good live, and on tape. I think they did a great job, variability and all.
For this remaster I have done a bit more radical eq-ing, but still no added compression.
– BESIDE THE SEA 0:00
This track was given a healthy, round boost in the 40-80hz range as well as a tight q bump near 100hz or so to brink the kick drum out. Big round boost in the high end, like 2.5k-8k, to bring some breath into the vocals and make the guitar sound like its right in front of you, instead of distantly calling from 1969. The high end also makes Steve Knight’s Hammond Organ part stand out a little, or at least makes it audible. I’m VERY proud of the way this came out as the mix now sounds modern and natural to me.
– SOUTHBOUND TRAIN 3:38
I reckon you might need a BG vacation. You got another hobby to fill the void?
managing beachfront property…what a drag?
Keep in mind BG shouldn’t really be your personal diary for posting carpet and dinner photos.
bummer! I got a bevy of carpet shots I was dying to share
kindly, I will…
If we’re talking ass slaps consider me interested. Who doesn’t want to be roughly taken in hand and have their bare bottom turned red by a strong polynesian man? For another $500 can he recruit Jason Momoa for a spanking threesome?
Easy, Derek might crowd fund your fantasy
So which half-witted member of his family got scammed ?
Or was it him, and he’s only just realised his stupidity ?
P.S.
And why would he drop his slap rate down from ten cents to five cents per slap ?
A far too big a discount these days when the going rate is $1+ per slap.
Maybe the slaps he delivers are like a small beer compared to the quadruple top shelf liquor slaps of some other slappers ?
Perhaps he’s part Balinese, and is keen on the early morning “good luck for me, good luck for you” deal to start the day off with ?
Or does he have some (royal ?) Nigerian ancestry ?
I get scammed every time I read a Beachgrit article. Each of you has such a natural calling and epic gift for crafting clickbait headlines. Easily the best Con-artists in the game.
Poll Question boys:
How much did David Lee Scales pay Ashton?
Exactly 1 Stab in the Butt
…Ashton for a friend.
Xox
One of those Florence Marine X sweater’s that he is so fond of…
What can I get for 50$?
Minimum spend is $500. Probably worth it if you can scrape 9 more dudes together.
Huli’s slaps and cracks are always free.
I like to spread da aloha.
Free crack, Uncle? Westside car dwellers will queue up for days for some of dat aina.
My dyslexic Nigerian cousin says he’d be happy to be pals with Kala for $500.
Seems quite a few around here fell for the scam of handing Stab in the Butt $$ to get around the paywall. Bitch slaps from Ashton all around.
see tobacco smoke enema above. first one’s free.
My kids got me a subscription for my Birthday. Sure beats a box of chocolates.
Can’t knock that. I was thinking about you telling that story a few weeks back when I was writing that comment. You are excused from Ashole’s bitch slaps.
Hope everyone here on Maui is safe right now. Looks really ugly over there.
Aloha nui RM. Some horrific scenes. Fires ripping right thru Front St.
Very sad, my first ever surf in Hawaii was the Breakwall in Lahaina.
1974- first mixed tropical drink at The Pioneer. at happy hour I tune into the S_line cam and watch the party boats jockey for position, the two surfspots and recall that sensation of the cooler ocean and a respite from the humidity. contrary to the heat of the current fire. damn! in contrast, in 2007 got caught in the Oluwalu fire. Goddamn Pele’…
Chas, now might be a good time to make Kala an offer. If he sends you $1000, you’ll arrange to have his knuckle tattoo corrected. He’s misspelled “Pack”, and does not appear to be the sharpest pencil in the drawer.
Wolfpak choy!
If Memory serves correctly I believe they spelled it that way for trademark purposes so they could make money of off merch… Lord Knows what that crew ended up spending on said Merch Money but maybe the answer lies with one Laird Hamilton’s Lil Bro Lyon. who had a supply of good and plenty’s always available…
That would make good story