Very unchill. Photo: Bali Bogans
Very unchill. Photo: Bali Bogans

“Bali Bogan” reveals hideous plague awaiting visiting surfers on the “Island of the Gods!”

Terror nigh.

Any surfer who has had the good fortune of traveling to Bali has certainly experienced the vast pleasures contained on, and around, the Island of the Gods. From playful monkeys who gently steal sunglasses to curious visitors learning to ride motor scooters for the very first time, Bali is feast for the senses to say nothing of the waves.

Uluwatu, Nusa Lembongan, Canggu and Kuta, just to name a tiny few. In the water Brazilians share with Frenchman who, in turn, share waves with Australians. Afterward they all toast Bintangs and marvel at their blessings.

But alas, a hideous plague is manifesting, painful and unsightly, confusing to general practitioners (doctors) and a brave bogan is issuing a dire warning to other “Bali Bogans.”

The Tomcat Beatle.

The pestilence, which delivers an unsightly, painful rash, is most common in wet areas and, well, from the source herself:

“Noticed a blister on my leg at dinner after sitting outside… on a cane chair. The next day it blistered, burst and I noticed the scar like marks across my skin. I applied betadine and after I got home I’ve been on antibiotics… after some googling I figured out what it was. I felt nothing and saw nothing.”

She traveled home completely disfigured.

The Tomcat Beatle doesn’t actually bite its victim, but dares bleed on him or her when being drunkenly squished, leaves a toxin on the skin that flares hard.

Dieter Hochuli, ecologist and University of Sydney professor, said “Brushing them away can add to the problem, as you end up smoodging the toxin in the direction of the brush and spreading it. That’s why lots of the blisters look quite linear.”

Smoodging?

In any case, the best thing to do is wash the area with cool and soapy water or, maybe, Bintang.

It generally takes a day or two for symptoms to appear but then weeks for them to go away, making it awkward and weird when trying to suntan post surf.

Best practice is to hide in the dark like a mutant and NOT surf.

More as the story develops.

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Sean Connery
Sean Connery
2 years ago

The upper thigh leg tat is the new age tramp stamp which makes me think the Beatle could be falsely accused.

Ramathorn
Ramathorn
2 years ago
Reply to  Sean Connery

Becomes certified if you’ve got a neck tat tickling the jaw bone

c4
c4
2 years ago

Speaking of Bali, can somebody actually do some journalism and figure out how Bazza Bitch passed away?

Trev
Trev
2 years ago
Reply to  c4

Who??

c4
c4
2 years ago
Reply to  Trev

Mara Wolford, Journalist, surfer, Bali resident, and Beach Grit commenter.

Trev
Trev
2 years ago
Reply to  c4

Ah yes, I recall now.

Barrelled
Barrelled
2 years ago
Reply to  c4

Didn’t she O.D.?

c4
c4
2 years ago
Reply to  Barrelled

She got drugged at a bar a few months before she mysteriously died.

Chief Hot stuff
Chief Hot stuff
2 years ago
Reply to  c4

Youth in asia

JSC
JSC
2 years ago
Reply to  c4

No cause of death ever made public – we don’t know

c4
c4
2 years ago
Reply to  JSC

Thanks for the info. I’m a fan of her writing.

JSC
JSC
2 years ago
Reply to  c4

Can also look at her legacy Facebook page for updates – she was a good friend of mine.

c4
c4
2 years ago
Reply to  JSC

Thanks, seemed like such a solid person.

c4
c4
2 years ago

So it wouldn’t be funny to put a few of them on your friends dog meat skewer?

tim_nelsen
tim_nelsen
2 years ago
Reply to  c4

or the surf journalist’s who name and frame the secret spots. (there’s a guy on inertian that boasts the newly found spot in mex called scorp’s who likes it just the way it is.)

oceanyeti
oceanyeti
2 years ago

Dieter from Sydney Uni is a good egg

JohnsKnees
JohnsKnees
2 years ago

What’s got two legs and lives off dead beetles?

Yoko Ono.

RQ.
RQ.
2 years ago
Reply to  JohnsKnees

gaddman holy shit hahahaha

JOB's second chin
JOB's second chin
2 years ago

Of more interest to the BG crowd, what’s the rate of HIV and herpes amongst Kuta prostitutes these days?

Barrelled
Barrelled
2 years ago

Considering a large number of them are trannies trying to steal your wallet, we will leave that research to you and you alone.

JOB's second chin
JOB's second chin
2 years ago
Reply to  Barrelled

How big was your sample size to determine that a large number of them are ladyboys?

Barrelled
Barrelled
2 years ago

Way too many Indo trips watching drunks like you get their shit stolen whilst walking down Poppies Gang II from Paddys, Sari Club, etc.

Rocks local
Rocks local
2 years ago

somewhere, deep in the bowels of his Cardiff estate, is the world’s largest spreadsheet, where Chas keeps track of all the stories that promise “more” as they develop.

Skippy
Skippy
2 years ago
Reply to  Rocks local

My favorite was when he wrote “More as the sorry develops”, which is far more accurate.


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