Ain't no life here, no matter how much professional surfers give. Photo: Pet Cemetery.
Ain't no life here, no matter how much professional surfers give. Photo: Pet Cemetery.

“Horror before Halloween” after revelation World Surf League will share space with animal urgent care facility in new South Bay office!

Welcome to the pet cemetery.

Surf fans, earlier, were bracing for a civil war between fans of the World Surf League and its former Chief Executive Erik Logan after news leaked that the former was moving to the latter’s backyard after putting its spacious Santa Monica offices up for sale signaling financial weakness and sorrow.

The South Bay.

Logan had made suburban the Los Angeles region famous, even gracing the cover of southbay magazine. The World Surf League, firing him in the most terse sentence ever penned, then unashamedly paddling his point pure and unadulterated provocation.

The South Bay.

Though exactly where in the South Bay remained a guarded mystery… until minutes ago.

For minutes ago, a crack sneak has declared “The new WSL HQ will be at 2201 Rosecrans, El Segundo, CA 90245. It is only taking up a portion of the building. Move-in date should be December.”

And there we have it.

But who will be sharing space with “the global home of surfing?”

An animal urgent care facility.

And the headquarters for the National Veterinary Associates, inc.

Pet cemetery.

Yikes.

Back to the civil war, though, have you decided which side you’ll take yet?

Clock is ticking.

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Logan (left) and WSL owner Dirk Ziff (right) face off in the South Bay. Photo: WSL
Logan (left) and WSL owner Dirk Ziff (right) face off in the South Bay. Photo: WSL

Civil war brews in South Bay as World Surf League announces new home in backyard of ruthlessly beheaded former CEO!

Will you fight?

Yesterday a stirring video dropped, out of nowhere, detailing how one Erik Logan was responsible for saving a bawdy talk radio show thereby becoming a hero to free speech, waving a middle finger at “the man.” Gregg “Opie” Hughes, one half of the program Opie and Anthony, shared how the XM satellite network wanted to kick them off the air for being rude and provocative only to be saved by Logan who brokered a sweetheart deal where they only had to vacate microphones for one month and get paid whilst doing.

Surf fans were shocked.

The last we had seen Logan, he was sitting atop the vast World Surf League as its Chief Executive, wielding his power like a cudgel. He seemed to be untouchable, spinning corporate nonsense talk faster than it could be digested, sucking the breath out of professional surfers, wearing their skin. He did not appear to be a savior, rather a demon sent to torment and molest.

Molest, as in bother maybe, he did just too much as the World Surf League fired him in the most ruthless way possible, lopping his increasingly handsome head right off when he was on a business trip to Brazil, eulogizing him in one mean sentence.

“Erik Logan is no longer with the company.”

Back to yesterday’s arousing video, though, and its seemingly out of nowhere-ness, might it have been the first salvo in a just-over-the-horizon civil war?

For, just over the weekend, it was reported that the World Surf League was moving its vast Santa Monica offices in a sure sign of financial distress. The property offered for purchase or lease. Further reporting for the AI enhanced Surfer revealed that the World Surf League was not self-immolating, yet, but moving to “refurbished” offices in the South Bay.

(Ominous music).

The same South Bay made famous by Erik Logan.

When the Oklahoman with the magical wetsuit of armor first crashed onto our scene it was with a paddle in hand, gently sweeping Manhattan Beach’s seas. The South Bay, also home to El Segundo, Torrance, Hermosa and Redondo, has no good waves and wild women patrolling the beach with knives, but Logan made it his own, branding it, living it, loving it.

The World Surf League’s move a direct assault.

Opie’s aforementioned video, a rallying cry for enlistment.

Will you fight at Brother’s Burritos? Two Guns Espresso? Rock ‘N Fish?

On the shore of El Porto?

But whose banner will you carry?

Me?

This one.

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Mass surfer casualties in Biarritz as wild swell and high tides bring chaos to French resort town!

Thirty-one surfers pulled from death's claw by helicopter and jetski…

The pretty, if faded and well past its prime, French town of Biarritz has become the site of a mass surfer rescue after the same wild swell and high tides that lit up the Quik Festival in Hossegor threw the joint into chaos. 

Thirty-one surfers were pulled from the drink around the old port on Saturday, the same place your old pal DR used to sun his aged haunches while sucking on ice cream cones and dribbling the juice on bronzed tetons, thrilling to the rise and fall of those soft plums, all of ‘em hitting the panic button as high tides made getting in via the cement ramp an act of skill, luck and bravado. 

“We started to pick them up on the stairs located in front of the lifeguard tower,” said rescuer Franck Billard, adding the thirty-one man rescue formed the greatest event of his career. “The surf boards stopped in all directions. There was something panicky at that moment.”

As more and more surfers tried to come in, three lifeguards joined in the rescue, as well as jet skis and a police helicopter. 

“At first it was manageable,” he says, but it all went south, as they say, due to a curio of French surfing ie. if you see another surfer doin’ something, you must follow, whether that’s surfing a certain bank or getting in or getting out. “By snowball effect,” he said, “everyone wanted to get out of the same time.”

For a taste of the rescue, check out this old vid of surfers, and I use the term loosely, getting hammered on the same ramp.

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Former World Surf League CEO Erik Logan revealed to be protector of bawdy free speech in stunning new interview leaving “hater” surf fans on ropes!

Were we wrong?

The corpse of Erik Logan is now well and truly cold. Half buried in Brazil, the former World Surf League Chief Executive’s rotting flesh, bleaching bones have never been properly put to rest. The World Surf League’s tart official statement “Erik Logan is no longer with the company” the only epitaph.

His time holding professional surfing’s reins were mostly marked with weird. He pushed himself front and center, unlike his predecessors Paul Speaker and Sophie Goldschmidt, documenting his “personable” style. Logan breathed Jack Robinson’s air, he wore Filipe Toledo’s skin he, allegedly, told the beloved Santa Barbara surfer Conner Coffin “I will ruin you.”

Mostly, though, he spewed corporate gobbledygook. Whether excoriating Brazilian champions or simply opening his mouth, Logan had a rare gift for pure emptiness.

“Haters,” are therefore understandably, shocked today after the release of a video from former shock radio jock Gregg “Opie” Hughes describing how Logan saved his bawdy show from corporate explosion.

Opie and Anthony, which once rivaled Howard Stern for kings of the airwaves, got into some real hot trouble after a particularly “dangerous” segment. While the suits wanted them fired, the show off the air, our ELo swung in to save the day.

Hughes discusses in detail:

Now, the questions, however uncomfortable, must be floated.

Did we get the Oklahoman with a magical wetsuit of armor all wrong?

Was he actually our champion, ready to take it to professional surfing’s billionaire owner Dirk Ziff for us little rabble-rousers?

JP Currie, do you have a sneaking bit of guilt haunting your corners?

Well, whatever the case, we are left with Chief of Sport Jessi Miley-Dyer, though, to be fair, I think she is really clueless.

Or is she?

More as the story develops.

But, quickly, while you are still here. What happened to Howard Stern? Why he so pusillanimous?

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Britt (left) and Barron. Photo: Instagram
Britt (left) and Barron. Photo: Instagram

In savage coup, Channel Islands poaches Hawaiian stud Barron Mamiya from rival Sharp Eye!

This means war.

One day, we will gather our children around our feet, order them to sit and begin to speak using our most serious baritones. “Children,” we will say, “it is time to learn about the great surf industry that was once fruitful and bold, about fierce brands like Quiksilver, Billabong, Volcom and Hurley…”

The children will likely interrupt at this point and ask, “Beard oil companies?”

“No!” we will roar in response.

“Not beard oil companies!” but then will have to correct ourselves. “Yes, they are beard oil companies today but they were not always such. They once produced t-shirts and trunks that would be desired and sponsor teams of professional surfers who would wear the logo with pride and belong to it.”

The children, still confused, will ask, “They belonged to beard oil companies?”

And we will, likely, give up.

But it is true, there was a time when the brands meant something, their surfers were identified and poaching one was a direct affront.

Thankfully, we have surfboard shapers carrying the mantle and look, a major coup just announced as Channel Islands has poached Hawaiian stud Barron Mamiya from rival Sharp Eye.

Ooooeee.

But what do you think the mood is San Diego, where Sharp Eye calls home? Revenge being plotted? Fear that small wave world champion Filipe Toledo might be next? Landing with Mayhem?

What about the mood in Ventura, where Channel Islands calls home? Much toasting but also surveying the landscape? Who might be next to bring over to the tri-hexagon?

Exciting days, in any case.

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