World Surf League taps massive audience to
push hair conditioner on Cyber Monday!
By Chas Smith
"Formulated with love."
The reports of the World Surf League’s death
are greatly exaggerated… oh wait. The “Global Home of Surfing,”
which made much news eight years ago, circa 1976, by acquiring
professional surfing for free and promising its most ardent fans
that the show will soon be bigger than the National Football League
has experienced a precipitous fall since.
Real wine replaced by Barefoot Wine replaced by wine-flavored
tap water as sponsors.
And so it should come as no surprise that a
never-before-heard-of hair conditioner was the only partner for the
World Surf League’s Cyber Monday blast.
Clicking the link won the savvy shopper 50% off hair
conditioner.
It must be noted that the beauty product was not made by
Hurley.
Now, let’s be honest. With John John Florence leaving tour and
Filipe Toledo penned in to win the next three small wave world
championships, how much longer does the billionaire-backed
enterprise have?
Under/over please.
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Thomas J. Lochtefeld (insert) manically laughing as he
does Ivanka Trump a "dirty water." Photo: Instagram
America’s daughter Ivanka Trump viciously
embarrassed by surf tank guru Tom Lochtefeld!
By Chas Smith
"She's riding the red wave."
It is political season in America. That
wonderful time of year when nieces refuse to meet with uncles,
grandchildren with the elderly over sharp disagreement. While
opposing sides once lightly tolerated each other, these days each
is busily petitioning Satan to open the gates of hell for the
other, begging for front row seats so that nana and auntie can be
watched writhing in eternal pain over the principle sin of a wrong
vote.
And yet Ivanka Trump.
The former first daughter, now aged 42, is the rare creature
that is universally adored. Beautiful, intelligent, a wife that
puts the Stepfords to shame, a mother that makes Joan Crawford
appear uninvolved. She has no enemies, save one.
Tom Lochetefeld.
While many assume that Kelly Slater invented the wave pool, the
credit should mostly go to Thomas J. Lochtefeld. As Derek Rielly
writes, “There’s no bigger name in the wavepool game
than San Diego’s Thomas J. Lochtefeld, a former tax lawyer turned
water park proprietor turned creator of surf dreams. Lochtefeld got
his surf chops threading caves at Big Rock in La Jolla, San Diego,
and has spent the last thirty-five years trying to recreate similar
thrills at the punch of a button.”
Now, you are likely aware of the maestro’s current project in
Palm Springs, but did you know he invented the FlowRider?
Again, Derek Rielly:
In 1987, he sold his share in a bunch of theme parks for two
million dollars and used that cash, as well the sale of his
beachfront joint at La Jolla for 950k to create a standing wave,
called Flowrider, that ended up being installed in over 200 joints
in thirty-five countries.
In 1999, the Swiss watch company Swatch toured a souped up
version of the Flowrider called Bruticus Maximus and that caused
more permanent injuries in one year than Teahupoo in the last
thirty, around the world: from Florence to Munich, Vienna, Hanover,
Long Beach, San Diego, Manila and Sydney, with Tony Hawke, Kelly
Slater, Chris Miller and Terje Haakonsen wowing crowds with a surf,
snow, skate combo of airs and tubes.
Re-Enter Ivanka Trump
A nasty tool, no doubt, and now look at Ivanka Trump trying it
out, gliding high one moment…
Ivanka Trump before.
…brought entirely low the next.
Ivanka Trump after.
Thomas J. Lochtefeld’s maniacal laugh heard ringing.
I don’t think the editors, there, know what that means.
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Christina Revels-Glick arrested for jerking
off on Tybee Island Beach, publicly shamed, and now dead at
36.
Christina Revels-Glick arrested and shamed
for jerking off on Tybee Island Beach found dead at 36
By Derek Rielly
Christina Revels-Glick's suicide a legacy of the
impact of the public shaming and stigma from the arrest.
A couple of years back, a real cute gal called Christina
Revels-Glick was arrested for bringing herself to a very quick
orgasm, with battery-powered tool, at Tybee Island, near Savannah,
Georgia.
The cops’ bodycam footage, which was subsequently viewed
two-and-a-half million times, shows Christina Revels-Glick cuffed,
arrested and dragged off the beach.
“Apparently you were masturbating on the beach?” says cop.
They ask to search her bag, there’s a vibrator in there (“It’s a
bullet style,” says the man cop) and Revels-Glick fesses up that
she had a little play under the towel.
“Let me show you what I did…listen, I was sitting on the water
like this…I just put it in there. I was covered up and I just had
an orgasm. I am sorry. I was just stressed out.”
As she was led away, she said: “Please don’t do this to me. Are
you serious?”
According to the cop’s report, a local Karen “observed a white
female pleasure herself on the beach with a vibrator.”
When asked if she’d give a written statement, Karen went one
better and gave ‘em a a video.
“In the video, I observed a white female waring a one-piece
green bikini lay out a white towel. The female sits on the towel
facing the water. The female then reaches into her green backpack
and pull out an unknown object. The female then spreads her legs
apart and puts both of her hands in between her legs. This went on
for a few seconds until the female looked to her right and stopped
what she was doing. There is no other action from the female as the
video ends.”
Now, what’s wrong with this story?
Yeah, they arrested the wrong person.
Two and a half-thou marines died in Afghanistan for
this?
Creep who filmed should’ve been cuffed, lightning-cum gal
celebrated etc.
Anyway, Christina Revels-Glick, who was thirty-six, has been
found dead, her suicide a legacy of the impact of the public
shaming and stigma from the event.
Kanoa Igarashi rips Griffin Colapinto,
Filipe Toledo as “nobodies” in wild new interview!
By Chas Smith
Italo Ferreira a nobody too.
Professional surfing is, truly, a very
difficult game. While the World Surf League has done its damndest
to batter and bruise its image, the best surfers on earth still
reside on the Championship Tour. Though, let us be fair, that
number is no more than ten of twenty-five-ish.
Kanoa Igarashi, who could and should count himself amongst the
elite, had, by his high standard, a lousy 2023 season. The
Japanese-by-way-of-Huntington-Beach star sat down with Pedro Teixeira de Motas on
his surf-centric podcast to reflect upon the hows and
whys during a freewheeling interview.
All conducted in Portuguese.
The translation has Igarashi saying, “The people I lost make me
so angry. It’s horrible, I lost people that nobody knows.”
The record shows he lost to João Chianca at Pipeline, Matthew
McGillivray at Sunset, Samuel Pupo in Portual, Griffin Colapinto at
Bells, Italo Ferreira at Mags, Colapinto, again, at Surf Ranch,
Filipe Toledo in El Salvador, Ryan Callinan in Brazil, Toledo,
again, at J-Bay and Rio Waida at the Place of Broken Skulls.
I understand the McGillivray and Waida smears but Griffin
Colapinto? Italo Ferreira?
The world’s best small wave surfer, and sitting world champ,
Filipe Toledo?
A bit rough, no?
Thoughts?
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The Jean Dujardin vehicle Brice de Nice best
surf movie of all time says Kelly Slater. Slater photoshop by
@sensitiveseashellcollector
Kelly Slater says French absurdist comedy
Brice de Nice “best surf movie of all time!”
By Derek Rielly
"The film is twisted but it's my best surf film,"
says Slater.
In a moment of the rawest candour, Kelly Slater has
listed Brice de Nice as the greatest surf movie of all
time, elevating the absurdist French comedy above Big Wednesday, Endless Summer,
Morning of the Earth, Free Ride, Gidget, Blue Crush and so on.
Slater, who is a few months short of his fifty-second birthday,
made the claim about Brice de Nice on the Steve-O podcast, telling
his host,
“It’s an incredible film. This guy lives in the Mediterranean
and he wants to be a surfer. In the opening scene, you see him
sitting on his board waiting for a wave and there’s like an old
woman with a swimming cap coming ashore. We see that there isn’t
even a ripple of a wave in the sea. The guy is just there, sitting
on his board, dreaming of a wave that never arrives.”
Brice de Nice holds significant cultural importance in French
popular culture, particularly in the comedy genre. Released in
2005, the film, directed by James Huth, features the character
Brice Agostini, portrayed by Jean Dujardin whom you might’ve adored, like me, as the
sparkling George Valentin in The Artist.
Brice is a surfer with an exaggerated sense of self-confidence
and catchphrases like “Casse-toi, then!” (“Get lost, then!”). After
the film’s release, Brice quickly became an iconic and often
imitated figure in French youth culture.
If you ever go to a party full of French surfers, yeah, you’ll
hear it.
The film’s success can be attributed to its blend of slapstick
humor, absurdity, and a memorable protagonist. Brice embodies a
carefree and nonchalant attitude, resonating with a generation that
embraced the pursuit of laid-back lifestyles. The character’s
distinctive phrases and antics have permeated everyday language,
becoming part of colloquial speech.
Brice de Nice symbolises a departure from traditional French
cinema, incorporating elements of American-style humor and
showcasing a character that deviates from the typical French hero.
This departure contributed to the film’s appeal and cultural
impact, marking a shift in the comedic landscape of French
cinema.
Very much a cult film.
As Slater tells the story,
“One day he discovers that at the other end of France there are
waves and he goes there… He’s rich but witty. He’s really very
weird. (Brice de Nice) is twisted but it’s my best surf film.”
