“Hey BL, how’s that Devon patch you’re sportin’ on the top of your head?”
A couple of years back, BeachGrit outed the world champion surfer Barton Lynch as a filthy communist bastard, which you can read here, and which was swiftly refuted, here.
Barton Lynch, who is now sixty, clinched the 1988 world title at perfect eight-to-twelve-foot Pipeline, although in later years he became more famous for his oratorical gymkhanas on WSL broadcasts.
(Barton Lynch was the sport’s most popular broadcaster before being dumped by the WSL for, it was rumoured, his role in the activist group Voices4Choices, which questioned vaccine mandates and the role of government during the COVID pandemic.)
The surf community was, rightly, apoplectic with the father of competitive surfing Ian Cairns writing, “You’re the only commentator that illuminates concepts and situations in heats, that former champions recognize as well. These insights are critical explanations to the hoped for expanded WSL audience. Otherwise it’s ongoing blah blah blah. Their loss and your gain!”
Filipe Toledo’s daddy Rich added, “Let’s go!!! We missing u papa Smurf.”
Since the dumping, Barton Lynch has poured his considerable skill and insight into a podcast called The Stoked Bloke Show, which he operates with Peter King, the musician, pro surfer and former bandmate of Kelly Slater.
In the latest episode, Lynch describes the day in 2010 he learned he was suffering male pattern baldness. Lynch tells King he was coaching the then thirteen-year-old Australian surfer Holly Dawn when she looked at him and said,
“Hey BL, how’s that Devon patch you’re sportin’ on the top of your head?”
“What’s a Devon patch?” asks King.
“I had no idea,” says Lynch. “I didn’t have an inkling I was balding. When there was no one home, I sneaked into the bathroom and…ooooohhhhh… I’ve got a bald patch!”
Barton Lynch wears his Devon well, let it be said, bringing the viewer’s eyes away from his crown with a beard reminiscent of the German philosopher and political theorist Karl Marx.
But don’t be fooled.
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His broadcasting career ‘died suddenly’
Holly yawned her way to career suicide. And as for Lynchy turn his head upside down and you have a luxurious head of hair, if a little unruly, but a piss poor beard. Such is life you can’t have it all.
Holy Christ these old ex-champs are such bores.
Absolutely nothing going through their empty heads, then they spew their mind-numbing takes on things like COVID and trans athletes that they picked up second-hand off Joe Rogan.
Guy should be beard shamed not bald shamed. Dang beard makes the guy look homeless and 103 years old. No HamSammish.
Jeez Derrick how much does he pay you to hump his leg ?
Barton didn’t know he was going bald? Maybe he didn’t notice how far up he has to wash his face these days?
Maybe it’s just another conspiracy !
BL response: “At least I don’t have to shave my beaver…”
https://designyoutrust.com/…
BL probably the last real Ozzy generation with brains and ball… fighting the Dictatorship of Vaccine mandate BS. The girl is probably filming a video for Girls Out West and has Dike flag on her house. The Soy boys are just doing what they do best… wishing for more lockdowns and dreaming of Social Justice… LOL
I first noticed I was going bald when it took longer and longer to wash my face.
Winning a world title at perfect 8 to 10 foot pipe would be equivalent too how many world titles won at 2 to 4 foot trestles?
Asking for pip
Barton’s surf analysis was great, unmatched.
Viewership would double if they always had Barton and Occy in the booth, and canceled surfing Trestles altogether.
Sorry, Mike, but why the fuck would you want Occy in the booth?
confessional booth
Anyone who has seen the Occ cast knows thats a bad idea.
I love Occy, I want his underbite in the booth!
I appreciate your honesty.
Interesting.
Our proper pasties have the crimping round the side,but Devon imposters have ’em over the top.
Take that as you will.
https://uploads.disquscdn.c…
One of the few words that can differentiate where in Australia you are from. May be called Strasbourg (straz), Fritz or Devon, depending on where you are from. Refers to a type of salami.
Don’t forget “polony” from sandgroper country out west, and “luncheon” from NZ.
Slice of devon, egg in a nest, some good descriptions out there.
But surely the best goes to the Japanese who call a comb-over with black hair a “barcode”
Oh yeah.
We took so many surreptitious aerial pics on the train back in the day,made ’em into a niche ,but surprisingly popular coffee table book.
Chick looks like she’s had a stroke.
Still cute though.
Different strokes for different blokes.
Holly has really made great progress as a pro
Must have been the Jab that stopped her, no other explanation.