"You will never see another surfer at that age, doing what Kelly Slater does, nobody, ever."
It is a reflection of the absurdity of time passed and Kelly Slater’s longevity when you consider that he retired from the tour in 1998 as the most successful male pro surfer of all time.
And, even if he’d never surfed another heat, if the late, great, insane Andy Irons hadn’t burned through town forcing him back into orbit, his six world titles, including those five in a row from 1994 through 1998, would still have Kelly Slater as the best ever.
Of course, the man has flaws. Who don’t?
The blood feuds, for one. Baits set, bait gobbled: those simmering back-and-forths with flat-earthers, his ancient feud with Adriano de Souza, fighting an historically inaccurate troll by referencing his Chinese girlfriend.
As the surf historian Matt Warsaw has said,
“Kelly Slater’s life as a surfer of incomprehensible talent, in and out of the contest arena, at this point seems completely divorced from his life as a surfing entrepreneur. I can’t square the two.”
And,
“Kelly Slater in middle-age is anti-factual, irresponsible, and flagrantly narcissistic.”
Again, who isn’t?
All of that doesn’t matter to a man who throbs to his own pulse and gallops to victory again and again.
Two days after his fifty-second birthday, the still active professional surfer was filmed making an impossible barrel on his new surfboard design the S Boss, a surfboard designed to be a a “true universal surfboard built to unlock progression across all conditions and skill levels.”
In the clip, Kelly Slater appears to fall off into the barrel but scrambles up the ladder and climbs inside the cupola.
His exit is greeted with a howl of “Oh my god!”
Comments, naturally, praise Kelly Slater as the best ever.
Common refrains,
“You will never see another surfer at that age, doing what he does, nobody, ever.”
“Is anyone really surprised anymore😂 I mean, c’mon, it’s Kelly Slater he’s a freak of nature, defies time. I think he might be Jesus.”
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