Cairns (left) and Tomson (right) feat. A. Goggans.
Cairns (left) and Tomson (right) feat. A. Goggans.

World surf champs Ian Cairns vs. Shaun Tomson criminal “kook case” takes sordid turn!

A landmark ruling continues to reverberate.

California’s most powerful legal minds have been riveted, this past week, and not by proceedings in Washington D.C. or the fine state of Alabama but rather by drama up near Montecito where Oprah Winfrey and Princess Meghan rub Ozempic. Yes, a case has been ruled on there definitively declaring that kooks are free to drop in and maim wherever and whenever they please.

You certainly read about it one month ago, here, but as quick refresher….

The precedent centered around one Mark Olson who decided to go for a surf, one morning, at Miramar Beach. He paddled out with a pal and, as it happens, a wave came steaming in. Mr. Olson paddled for it, dropped in on the surfer behind him though “believed they were a safe distance from each other.”

In an instant flash of karma, though, a longboarder named Patrick Saville dropped in on Mr. Olson and bingo bango WIPEOUT!

Mr. Olson popped up and felt his back. “I immediately stood up in pain,” he recalled. “I put my hand in through my wetsuit that was sliced open and inside the flesh of my torso that had been cut wide open.”

He started crying like an itty bitty baby then saw Mr. Saville’s longboard floating all by itself.


Mr. Olson’s pal had heard his public weeping and paddled over, examining his back and saying, “It was a very deep, long, open wound that looked like he had been cut open by a filet knife. It made me nauseous and feel like throwing up. The cut was through his wetsuit. It looked like his guts were hanging out.”

An ambulance finally came and took the two tender li’l things to a hospital.

The story does not stop there, however. Mr. Olson was infuriated by the leashless business and sued Mr. Saville for damages. Each rallied a bonafide surf star for to make surf etiquette explanations to the judge. Mr. Olson rolled out none other than Shaun Tomson who shared the rules of surfing are 1) don’t drop in on surfers already riding a wave, and 2) don’t lose control of your board. Also, “Wear a surf leash to control your surfboard in the event you lose control of it.”

Mr. Saville countered with the testosterone-spitting father of professional surfing, Ian Cairns who mocked the lily-livers before him and stated, “Etiquette is fluid depending on a variety of factors” while defending the God given right of longboarders to lose the leash.

In the end, the judge sided with Ian Cairns.

I really don’t have more to add other than the mainstream media has now picked up the story and is aghast that Mr. Saville didn’t lose. Also, continually let down by the system is Ashton Goggans who once called the police in order to file an assault charge after becoming pushed during a podcast.

The law laughed directly into his portly face.

And there is your sordid turn.

Dear Bailey Ladders... you are hella fine. Love, Kaipo Guerrero.
Dear Bailey Ladders... you are hella fine. Love, Kaipo Guerrero.

Run on perfumed stationary feared as World Surf League launches “Why I love my Bailey ladder” promotion!

How do I love thee, Bailey Ladders? Let me count the ways.

One of the more endearing partnerships, of the past year plus, is, undoubtedly, that between the World Surf League and regional Australian company Bailey Ladders. Soft launched near the beginning of the 2022 or 2023 Championship Tour Season, the romance picked up heat, last year, and became Instagram official after WSL APAC President Andrew Stark declared, “The WSL is happy to have Bailey Ladders increase their involvement to include the CT events in Australia for the next two years. We had incredible feedback from fans onsite and watching from home on the Bailey Ladders Leaderboard. We look forward to continuing this activation across four events in 2023 and 24, both onsite and online. We’d like to thank them for their ongoing support and for seeing the value in professional surfing.”

The surf fan delighted in the love story, from a distance, but never imagined he, or she, would be invited to actively participate.

But here we are.

In a stunning overnight move, the “Global Home of Surfing” announced a campaign that would invite the aforementioned surf fan directly into the boudoir, as it were.

The “Why you Love your Bailey Ladder” promotion.

Per the directions, amorous dreamers are instructed to “simply spend $700 or more on Baily Ladders product(s) and fill out your details on the website entry page then write in 25 words or less ‘Why you Love your Bailey Ladder.'”

Though what does the winner receive?

The “trip of a lifetime” to Margaret River, of course, for herself and “3 mates” which includes:

-$4000 Flight Centre Travel Voucher.

-4 person accommodation from April 10th to 22nd (4 bed, self contained small house).

-4 VIP tickets to watch every da of the event from the official WSL VIP Tend (Food and drinks included).

-$4,400 spending money in the form of a Visa gift card.

Spring has sprung (in the northern hemisphere and almost).

Connor O'Leary, number one Japanese surfer, toppling Kanoa Igarashi.
Connor O'Leary, Cronulla-born, Irish name, but with impeccable Japanese bona fides! Topples Kanoa Igarashi as number one Japanese surfer.

Boilover at Olympic surf qualifier after Aussie Connor O’Leary topples Kanoa Igarashi to become Japan’s #1 surfer!

Kanoa Igarashi no longer face of Japanese surfing as boy from Cronulla steals coveted crown!

As predicted on these pages four days ago in The Wild Blood Feud No One Saw Coming, Aussie surfer Conner O’Leary has stolen the number one Japanese surfer title from Huntington Beach’s Kanoa Igarashi. 

Kanoa Igarashi, a boy with a high forehead and plucked eyebrows, may have already qualified for Paris 2024, but tears were swimming in his eyes earlier today after he was bundled out of the Olympic qualifier in Puerto Rico in what looked like a walk-through heat. 

Igarashi failed to muster double digits in a shock performance against Chilean Roberto Araki, German Dylan Green and Italian Papa Edoardo, minnows whom Igarashi should’ve had squalling with fright. 

Cronulla-born Conner O’Leary, meanwhile, dominated a high-scoring repechage heat, pressing his jackboot on the necks of Venezuelan Keoni Lasa, Jamaica’s Elishama Beckford and Chilean Guillermo Satt. 

He will now move into repechage heat four, not real sure what happens after that. Readers, hit your buzzers when you know the answer and write in the space below. 

O’Leary has previously said, “I want to see some Japanese surfers on the tour in the next couple of years – there’s so much talent. To be that face on the tour for them, and help the Australian kids as well, what more can you ask for?”

In another boilover, Filipe Toledo, who came out of retirement for the qualifier and who was regarded as an easy favourite to win the event due to small waves that would struggle to knock awry the spectacles of a child, came last in his round three heat against John John Florence, Puerto Rican Brian Toth and Chilean Manuel Selman. 

Toledo, unlike Kanoa Igarashi, can still muscle his way back into the event, but must do so from the loser rounds. 

Again, readers, explain the byzantine workings of the ISA Games in the discussion pane below.

Griffin Colapinto (pictured) absorbing a low blow. Photo: WSL
Griffin Colapinto (pictured) absorbing a low blow. Photo: WSL

World Surf League slams “parvenu” Griffin Colapinto in announcing new documentary series “Tahiti Bound”

Burn book.

The “Global Home of Surfing” almost made news, ahead of the 2024 Championship Tour, by inking a deal with ESPN to broadcast the top-tier events on a sub-sub-sub channel. Surf fans thrilled at the possibility of catching Kelly Slater, Filipe Toledo, Caroline Marks et. al. on cable television, as opposed to new-fangled YouTube, and celebrated surfing’s mainstream acceptance.

Not satisfied, never resting on laurels, the World Surf League has just announced a collaboration with NBC for a limited documentary series following professional surfers on their Olympic journeys. Set to air on the cable television business channel CNBC, “Tahiti Bound” will undoubtedly thrill.

Per the breathless press release:

“Paris is re-imagining the presentation of the Olympics in so many exciting ways, and staging the surfing competition in Tahiti will provide one of the most evocative backdrops imaginable,” said Joe Gesue, Senior Vice President of Olympic Programming and Executive Editor, NBC Sports. “Partnering with the WSL for such in-depth access to the athletes’ personal journeys to this unique Olympic setting aligns perfectly with our commitment to storytelling.”

“2024 is set to be a transformative year for the sport thanks, in large part, to the Olympic Games, which is the biggest stage in the world,” said Cherie Cohen, WSL Chief Revenue Officer. “The WSL is in an ideal position to provide content, access, and insights that will significantly enhance NBC’s coverage of the Games. This partnership is also a fantastic opportunity to bring the compelling stories of our athletes on the road to Tahiti to NBC’s audience.”

Throughout the series, fans will get insights into the lives of surfing’s biggest stars, such as reigning Olympic champion and five-time world champion Carissa Moore, two-time world champion John John Florence, and 2023 world champion Caroline Marks, as well as up-and-comers Griffin Colapinto and surfing phenomenon Caity Simmers.


Carissa Moore, John John Florence and Caroline Marks all described as “champions,” Caity Simmers a “surfing phenomenon” while Griffin Colapinto is tarred with the demeaning “up-and-comer?”

A lowly “parvenu.”

How rude is that?

What do you think San Clemente’s second finest did to deserve such disrespect?

While you are thinking, there will also be “a single highlight show recapping the Olympic Games and the 2024 WSL CT results, “Tahiti to Trestles,” airing Sunday, Oct. 13, at 1 p.m. ET on NBC and Peacock.

Tahiti to Trestles.

Erik Logan’s stillborn idea continuing to haunt.

Poopoo touch.

Jamie O'Brien (left) pinching his enemy Ben Gravy.
Jamie O'Brien (left) pinching his enemy Ben Gravy.

Jamie O’Brien attacks Ben Gravy’s exposed flank in surfing’s increasingly violent “Battle for Beginners!”

A new Waikiki surf school has Jamie O'Brien choking Ben Gravy's supply lines.

As any surf watcher knows, the explosion in participation during, and since, the Great Coronavirus Pandemic (2019 – ) is… historically significant. Vulnerable adults flocked to the “Sport of Kings” for many reasons including, but not limited to, its naturally occurring social distancing, good vibes and provides that perfect dash of Zoom meeting clout.

Now, it might have been imagined that this new VAL would have been a boon to the flagging surf industry, an infusion of hard currency, but no and no. The late adopter cares not for “core” t-shirts and trunks and feels no shame purchasing surfboards from Costco. She is, frankly, is an economic mystery as it relates to the old ways. He an island of odd.

Though two surfers have cracked their code. Ones James Duncan O’Brien and Benjamin Franklin Graeff.

Yes, the two have, through prescience and skill, cracked the VAL market and now war over supremacy. Benjamin Graeff, more properly known as Ben Gravy, seemed to be running away with a clean victory. His YouTube channel speaks directly to the new surf enthusiast who cares nothing for history, hierarchical structures or bad vibes. Capitalizing upon, Gravy released an extremely popular line of product featuring his iconic pineapple-wearing-sunglasses.

O’Brien’s own YouTube, which pivoted later toward the VAL, was better than Gravy’s though not quite as user-friendly.

The aforementioned surf watcher was stunned, then, when seemingly overnight the Pipe Master swung on Gravy’s exposed flank and began opening surf schools, not only attracting but creating VALs. The Jamie O’Brien Experience started quietly on Oahu’s North Shore and then San Diego’s Coronado Island though just opened a front in Waikiki.

Per Hawaii Magazine:

Located in the heart of Waikīkī, the School of Surf is the latest venture of North Shore native and professional surfer Jamie O’Brien.

The School of Surf represents a new concept for O’Brien, following his Surf Experiences at Turtle Bay on the North Shore of Oʻahu and Hotel Del Coronado in San Diego. Unlike the Surf Experiences at Turtle Bay and Coronado, the School of Surf is tailored to provide a fun and affordable experience. What better way to achieve this than at the birthplace of surfing?

While many local surf schools focus on advancing skills, the School of Surf emphasizes providing a fun vibe for first-time surfers through retail, photos, and video.

From seeing O’Brien’s boards on the walls to getting signed posters and even surprise surf lessons, both Jamie’s Surf Experience and School of Surf offer a unique experience that differs from numerous schools in Hawaiʻi and is infused with his personal touches. O’Brien remarks that surfing is the only thing he’s ever known, so sharing that with others is the greatest gift.

“My goal is to be the one-stop surf school when people go to Hawaiʻi,” O’Brien says.

Meanwhile in Camp Gravy, advisors are likely being flogged for failing to establish a beachhead amongst the extremely valuable pre-VAL community. The question being asked by most: Will O’Brien press his advantage and open a school in Gravy’s New Jersey and squash his competition or will he commit the classic blunder and try to invade Russia during winter?

More as the story develops.