Erik Logan (pictured) gone but not forgotten.
Erik Logan (pictured) gone but not forgotten.

Former World Surf League CEO Erik Logan takes vicious shot at popular tabloid!

Chas Smith

By

"Who knows. Who cares."

The World Surf League has officially entered its… honestly, I can’t even remember the new CEO’s name. Its Riley Gains era? Its Johnny Smallville era? I don’t know but I can assure everything will look the exact same as the “cleanup on aisle five” crew who took the helm after former chief executive Erik Logan did something so naughty in Brazil as to get Stalinized. Yes, the PR head and the Legal head teamed up to maybe lock in all those Logan NDAs then handed the reins over to… Jerry McGovern? Ron Felding?

Whatever. His sleepy resume and dull face tell us everything we need to know. Mostly that his name is not worth remembering. Oh, don’t you worry. I will put by scalping kit back together and find some way to Backward Fin Beth him but, to be honest, my heart will still be with ELo.

The Oklahoman with a magical wetsuit of honor was a gift, a pure undeserved gift what with his sheer cluelessness, instance on being front and center, goofball SUPing, et. al. He was the perfect manifestation of a billionaire’s vision for professional surfing.

As much as I care about Logan, though, it appears the love is unrequited. On a recent social media post, the motivational speaker declared, “On this Day, I got a Haircut!!!! Thank goodness for the Emmy award-winning NEEEKKOOOOO. Always tight with the cleanup. He is always winning in the water, he’s having the most fun – starting in the parking lot. High and tight, as we have things to do, places to go, and announcements to make. More to come! #”

While his legion fans patiently wait for the #, one asked, “Will beachgrit run a story about said haircut ? more questions than answers.”hahahahha who knows. Who cares.”

Ouch.

And unnecessary?

Neither knowing nor caring about the popular tabloid which owns his entire online profile?

Well, it’s a little bit funny this feeling inside. I’m not one of those who can easily hide. I don’t have much money but boy if I did, I’d buy a big house where Erik could rent a room. If I was a sculptor, but then again, no. Or a man who makes potions in a travelling show. I know it’s not much but it’s the best I can do. My gift is my daily posting here on BeachGrit and, Erik, this one’s for you.

David Lee Scales and I briefly discussed the new CEO during our weekly chat. James Ackman? Fred Durst? Scales is in El Salvador on a surf trip. Don’t you wish you were there? Sample the next best thing by listening and enjoying.

Bon appetit.

Kelly Slater (left), Conan Hayes (center) and Shane Dorian (right).
Kelly Slater (left), Conan Hayes (center) and Shane Dorian (right).

Shane Dorian reveals participation in ultra-exclusive text thread with surf GOATs Kelly Slater and Conan Hayes!

Chas Smith

By

BFF.

This future is, I must admit, different than advertised. Growing up, it felt as if Back to the Future II had set the bar for what it would all feel like in 2015 and beyond. Flying cars, hovering skateboards, Pizza Hut expanders, etc. None of those things, of course, exist though we do have miniature computers in our pockets that allow us to participate in multiple different text threads with our friends and colleagues.

Looking at my phone now, I have at least 20 active chats with at least two or more participants. None, unfortunately, include Kelly Slater and Conan Hayes.

Well, Shane Dorian for the win, I suppose, as he just revealed that he has the two surf GOATs in an ultra-exclusive chain. Slater’s bonafides need no introduction. 11x world champion, multi-time Pipe Master, Father of the Year nominee. Hayes’ might not be as well known, but vaulted to the pinnacle of “surfing’s most interesting man” after co-founding RVCA, selling it, getting involved in the toy trade and later providing assistance to former United States President Donald Trump.

The tamer of giant Cloudbreak was most recently in the news as one of thirty unindicted co-conspirators in making very sure the 2020 election was free and fair by “dressing as a nerd” and doing some computer work.

Per Vice News:

In recent years (Hayes) has become somewhat of a minor celebrity in election fraud conspiracy theory circles, under his anonymous Twitter handle We Have Risen. He has worked on an election audit in Antrim County and has suggested on social media he was in Phoenix where the Arizona audit is currently taking place. He also has links to Doug Logan, the Cyber Ninja CEO who is currently running the sham audit in Maricopa County.

Exciting.

But what do you imagine Dorian, Slater and Hayes discuss on their concatenation? The upcoming thriller Biden vs. Trump II? Advancements in backside tube riding techniques?

Other?

Like I said, exciting.

Man wrestles shark into car on Sunshine Coast.
Man wrestles shark into his ute on Australia's Sunshine Coast. | Photo: @nicka35

Australia’s Sunshine Coast rocked by scenes of man wrestling shark into his car

Derek Rielly

By

“How is this elite level motherf*cker with catch of the day?"

Amid its worst crime wave in history, a sea of car jackings and teens ransacking the bleak apartments of the demented and aged in retirement homes, a man has brought joy into the lives of Sunshine Coasters after being filmed wrestling a shark into the back of his pick-up. 

The Sunshine Coast is that forty mile stretch an hour’s north of Brisbane that includes the famed Noosa points and, at one point, was the home of clothing magnate Julian Wilson. 

Four years ago, the WSL tried to get a piece of the Sunshine Coast with Kelly Slater urging the Queensland government to approve the WSL’s billion-dollar development on 510-hectares, or 1200 acres, of “highly constrained land” near the beach town of Coolum.

“This wave would become somewhat of a mecca and put the Sunshine Coast back on the (surfing) map…it will bring a lot of interest to the area and it will be a place that I know a lot of people are going to want to surf and have an ongoing impact on the local area…we have had so many people asking for so long where we’re going to build the next wave including Australia,” Slater told the local press.

Anyway in Maroochydore, which is up the northern end of the Sunshine Coast, we find our hero, muscling a small, though not insignificant shark into the pickup while happy children, captivated, look on. 

“How is this elite level motherfucker with catch of the day,” says surf reporter Nicka35, whom we last saw reporting on the car-jacking of a surfer on the Gold Coast. “A massive shark and under the strain he carries it to his ute to try and toss it in and…nah…Big fail on the first attempt. the thing must weight twenty kilos. He’s got flake for days. This guy is one of Maroochydore’s absolutely fucking elite.” 

 

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Olde School localism flashes snarling lip as Oxnard heavies inform outsiders “If you don’t live here, don’t surf here”

Chas Smith

By

Uh oh.

Surf localism has been in steady decline over this past decade. Perpetual surveillance, ubiquitous smart phones, lawsuit-happy nerds, hate crimes being codified etc. have all conspired to keep the once fearsome beach enforcer proverbially handcuffed. Certain behavioralists have even suggested that paddling toughs will be fully extinct by 2029.

But not if Oxnard has something to say about it.

The burgh of just over 200,000, a handful of clicks north of Malibu, has long enjoyed a reputation for water violence. There was a time, not long ago, when Silver Strand was surfed exclusively by heavies. Teeth of interlopers punched out on the silver sand. Windshields well waxed.

“Laws” n crud have emboldened a new crop of adult learners, though, and there they drag their Wavestorms and changing mats from Irwindale and Victorville to places they shouldn’t.

Until now.

For now, after they surf, before they step on their changing mats, these aliens are being punched right in the mouth with a bold new sticker reminding “If you don’t live here, don’t surf here.”

Back to Sprinter vans they shuffle, quickly checking Zillow for Oxnard home values.

Regret for not pouncing on property back in 2018 overwhelming.

On that subject, what is your biggest regret of the last six years?

Get it off your chest amongst friends.

Erik Logan (pictured) gone but not forgotten.
Erik Logan (pictured) gone but not forgotten.

Former World Surf League CEO Erik Logan posts cryptic video of himself trapped in closet after announcement of replacement

Chas Smith

By

"Seemed easy enough."

While the announcement of video game executive Ryan Crosby taking the reins of the World Surf League as new chief has barely begun to process, surf fans immediately became concerned for Erik Logan, wondering how the former big boss is faring. Logan’s Instagram account, a source of joy and accidental sexual harassment when he was in charge, was the first stop. Though he had darkened it for months directly after his brutal dismissal, the lights were turned back on not long ago as the Oklahoman pivoted to the inspirational speaking circuit.

Helping others turn their passion into their profession.

Logan’s response to the Crosby news, anyhow, a cryptic video of himself trapped in a closet, seemingly not pleased though also pleased enough to throw crying laughing emojis.

What could it possibly mean?

Logan, of course, went entirely unmentioned in the World Surf League’s official rolling out of its latest charge, owner-in-chief Dirk Ziff merely dropping, “We are thrilled to welcome Ryan Crosby as the new CEO of the World Surf League. Ryan’s exceptional track record across some of the most important media platforms, his authentic, approachable manner, and his genuine passion for surfing make him a great fit to lead the WSL into its next chapter of growth and innovation.”

But we won’t forget Erik Logan, will we.

On that note, do you imagine Ryan Crosby will ring our ELo up and pick his brain? Get a little inside info? Borrow sitting champion Filipe Toledo’s chest?

He’d be remiss not to.

Photo: Jack English
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