BFF.
This future is, I must admit, different than advertised. Growing up, it felt as if Back to the Future II had set the bar for what it would all feel like in 2015 and beyond. Flying cars, hovering skateboards, Pizza Hut expanders, etc. None of those things, of course, exist though we do have miniature computers in our pockets that allow us to participate in multiple different text threads with our friends and colleagues.
Looking at my phone now, I have at least 20 active chats with at least two or more participants. None, unfortunately, include Kelly Slater and Conan Hayes.
Well, Shane Dorian for the win, I suppose, as he just revealed that he has the two surf GOATs in an ultra-exclusive chain. Slater’s bonafides need no introduction. 11x world champion, multi-time Pipe Master, Father of the Year nominee. Hayes’ might not be as well known, but vaulted to the pinnacle of “surfing’s most interesting man” after co-founding RVCA, selling it, getting involved in the toy trade and later providing assistance to former United States President Donald Trump.
The tamer of giant Cloudbreak was most recently in the news as one of thirty unindicted co-conspirators in making very sure the 2020 election was free and fair by “dressing as a nerd” and doing some computer work.
Per Vice News:
In recent years (Hayes) has become somewhat of a minor celebrity in election fraud conspiracy theory circles, under his anonymous Twitter handle We Have Risen. He has worked on an election audit in Antrim County and has suggested on social media he was in Phoenix where the Arizona audit is currently taking place. He also has links to Doug Logan, the Cyber Ninja CEO who is currently running the sham audit in Maricopa County.
Exciting.
But what do you imagine Dorian, Slater and Hayes discuss on their concatenation? The upcoming thriller Biden vs. Trump II? Advancements in backside tube riding techniques?
Other?
Like I said, exciting.
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I don’t know what the conversation the friends, Slater, Dorian, and Hayes was all about and I don’t need to know. I just hope they’re alright and enjoying the present that is a gift. The future has always been a figment of our largely demented imaginations at least for me it has been that way since I had to take my crystal ball into the shop for repairs to my podagee mechanic.
Conan Haynes is proof even cornrows can’t hide a smooth brain.
All the worlds problems should soon be sorted out fairly shortly with those 3 geniuses working together
Probably planing a trip to Tijuana with RFK Jr for stem cell treatments –
Maybe how Patty ended up with all the cash & Andys bride.
He married Todd Chesser’s ex
Trump for the hatrick!!
I imagine it would read like an RFK Jr rally speech.
Chas, your bank robber cousin should find this most entertaining.
https://x.com/RNCResearch/s…
Hopefully Kelly’s taking parenting advice from Dorian
you just jumped straight to the top of the 2024 comment of the year poll…
paging joe rogan
my life will be poorer for knowing the contents of a group chat involving more than one person from the big island of Hawaii
Fuck off Kook
Hair club for men?
Bald power meeting
discussing how to go to mexico hyping bs medical treatments, watch your friend die from said treatments, and go right back to promoting said treatments without a bit of shame. wait, shane already did that.
Fuckin Vince Coleman. Trying to surf the field tarp
even backflip man couldn’t beat a blown call and the trophy ends up on the west side of the I-70 hot route, aka Paris of the midwest, aka pine tar capital of the world.
so true 🙁
lolololol nice
The Treatments didn’t kill Dozer your fuckwit
Aftershave tips for the scalp.
All conspiracy theories all the time !
Maybe they’re discussing how the San Clemente two percenters are reincarnated crusaders who are going to rid the tour of lizard people.
These men are smarter than most doctors, so I’d imagine that the New England Journal of Medicine would be happy to publish their groundbreaking medical revelations.
Idk, with Hayes on there it’d probably knock the IQ down several points for having to read his nonsense.
Conan is actually really smart, esp with computers and he’s a multi millionaire
I’d imagine they are still discussing COVid, the 2020 election and the latest advancements in stem-cell research.
And tranny’s in sports