Conan and his beloved ex-prez.

“Investigations ongoing” into RCVA co-founder and former top pro surfer Conan Hayes following arrest of three election officials and allegations he dressed as a “computer nerd” and used falsified ID to make copies of election software!

Conan Hayes "at the center of many of the most critical points of Trump's effort to undermine democracy.”

If you’ve been following the travails of Conan Hayes, you’ll know his jagged trajectory from tamer of giant Cloudbreak and Teahupoo to toy merchant to detective uncovering electoral frauds.

(You can slide in there his busy courtroom schedule, too, dealing with a felony charge and various lawsuits.)

Three weeks ago, the NY Times revealed Conan was a major player in an “election denial network” who was paid $200,000 by Donald Trump’s legal team, and  who allegedly went undercover to make copies of election software, searching for evidence the Dems stole the show from the Grand Old Party in 2020.

Now, following the arrest of a third Mesa County election official, Colorado’s The Daily Sentinel has revealed investigations are “ongoing” into Conan’s role in the alleged scheme to make copies of election software.

A little background. 

Back in March, Mesa County Clerk Tina Peter was indicted by a Mesa County grand jury on seven felony and three misdemeanor counts of election tampering and misconduct after Colorado officials said she “allowed an unauthorized person into a secure facility during an annual upgrade to the county’s election equipment software, compromising the equipment.”

That person, it’s alleged, is Conan.

Per the Sentinel,

Though previous court documents hinted at his identity, the affidavit names that person, California resident Conan James Hayes. So far, no charges have been filed against him or others cited in the affidavit, such as Garfield County resident Sherronna Bishop, but it indicates investigations are ongoing.

“Brown conspired to misrepresent the role and identity of the person — Conan Hayes — who they intended to use, and did use, to copy the hard drive by using the identity of Gerald Wood,” Cannon wrote in the affidavit.

“Brown’s actions, statements and/or inactions were a — successful — attempt to influence the public servant’s decisions and actions before and during the trusted build through Sandra’s misrepresentations,” Cannon added. “Wood no longer is a target of the investigation. The person who completed that computer services using Wood’s identity is still under investigation.”

A story in Vice on the “MAGA Army profiting off Trump’s election lies,” described Conan as being “at the center of many of the most critical points of Trump’s effort to undermine democracy.”

He was part of Byrne’s “Bad News Bears” team in D.C. in the weeks after the election, working to find voting anomalies. Then he was in Antrim County, Michigan, as part of a team flown in by Byrne to examine Dominion voting machines. The resulting report, written in part by Hayes, was held up by Trump in the Oval Office as proof of voter fraud, the former Attorney General Bill Barr told the January 6 committee.

Then, Hayes was reportedly in Phoenix for the bogus Maricopa County recount effort led by Cyber Ninjas. And in August, QAnon influencer-turned-congressional candidate Ron Watkins claimed that Hayes was the person who took hard-drive images from Dominion voting machines in Mesa County, Colorado, where clerk Tina Peters is currently facing felony charges for tampering with election equipment.

Darkly exciting.

Was, and still, the most beautiful man in surfing. | Photo: @sensitiveseashellcollector

Australian woman reveals the disastrous text message she accidentally sent Kelly Slater… twice… following intimate shower date, “I felt sick!”

“We’d become super super good friends. We were pen pals, emailing daily. He was on and off with Pamela Anderson, I was helping him through that. And a few of my closest friends, guys and girls, said you gotta seal the deal."

What’s the worst text message you wish you could’ve unsent immediately after punching the hit button, that still haunts etc?

I gave my phone to a boozed gal in a bar one night, told her she could hit anyone she wanted, say whatever she wanted, and the dreadful woman wrote an unfathomably vile missive about the mother, dying of cancer as fate would play it, of the recipient.

Apple, of course, has released an unsend function for messages on its IOS16 update, which gives the writer fifteen minutes to change their mind.

The podcast of the insanely popular Inspired Unemployed Instagram account, two Australian tradies turned folk heroes, one-point-four-mill followers, riffed on the update in their latest episode, which is titled “Dedicated to Kelly Slater” for obvious reasons.

An Australian women of roughly middle age called in and described meeting Kelly at a bar-restaurant in Jan Juc, near Bells, twenty years ago, and how he memorised her telephone number after hearing her tell it to someone else, leading to a long-term and, mostly platonic, friendship.

The woman told the hosts Jack Steele and Matt Ford she was determined not to go beyond making out, or “pashing” as she describes it, using a long disappeared term, for she sought a long-term friendship not a one-time roll in the hay.

Her friends, however, convinced her there would come a time, perhaps in her dotage, when she’d regret, terribly, her decision not to ride the famous prong.

“We’d become super super good friends. We were pen pals, emailing daily. He was on and off with Pamela Anderson, I was helping him through that. And a few of my closest friends, guys and girls, said you gotta seal the deal… my best friend said you’re going to become old and regret you didn’t do it… I promised I’d text her as soon as it happened.”

Anyway, a little while later Slater is in Sydney, mystery gal in Melbourne.

She flies up.

“Middle of the day. Saturday. We obviously did the do. We were both in the shower and all I could think of was, shit, I have to call my best friend. I literally got out of the shower, wasn’t even dressed, and messaged these exact words. ‘Did it. Had sex. Going to leave now.’”

The message went to Slater, she says, not pal.

Despite disaster, she knew she had to inform pal of event.

The text went to Slater again.

“He was in the shower. I was sitting on the front of the bed. He asked me what was wrong, I said, can you please give me your phone? Give it to me!”

The friendship, she says, fizzled after the texts were revealed although, “I think he felt he had to prove himself after that. All I can say is he’s very competitive.”

Tall tale or true?

(Story starts at 25:22.)

An ode to the sublime experience of getting utterly pounded!

Come and share your favorite memory.

But when was the last time you were utterly pounded? Ocean waves of “historic” significance stacking out the back with your human, all too human, heart heaving right up into your human, all too human, throat?

Breathing in the salty mist, one suck at a time, while digging for the horizon with arms built of noodle, with hands lightly muscled by typing up the latest exploit-adjacents of the world’s greatest surfer Kelly Slater?

Of his luxury watch nemesis Laird Hamilton?

For me it has been far too long but there I was, minutes ago, breathing, scratching, duck diving, repeating until out the back and breathing again but this time actually huffing and puffing.

Another ocean wave, more than historic, maybe even three German Male Lower Legs or 897654 Surfline feet, there and mocking, forcing ego to crash reality but which wins?

Ego or reality?

Ego always.

Spin, noodle scrape, limp to feet, catch lip in that all too human head and…

…roll in the brine.

Knees bouncing off skull dulled by the mundane, leash tugging on leg, an economical Thai massage.

Getting pounded is totally underrated.

Share your favorite memory below.

Rogan (left) and Slater (right) (I think).
Rogan (left) and Slater (right) (I think).

World’s greatest surfer Kelly Slater confidant Joe Rogan draws fire for comment about “shooting homeless people,” calls ex-US President Donald Trump an Adderall-afflicted “man baby” in explosive new interview!


The world’s greatest surfer Kelly Slater is many things to many people including, but not limited to, 11x champion, oldest Pro Pipeline in history and extremely popular podcaster Joe Rogan’s friend and confidant. The two recorded a much-loved episode nearly four years ago now though it feels like it was just yesterday.

Relive here.

Rogan, in any case, made headlines today by outraging both sides of the political fringes first by suggesting former United States President Donald J. Trump, likely the 2024 Republican candidate, enjoyed the affects of Adderall, a medication used to treat attention deficit hyperactivity disorder while also calling him a “man baby” and, second, by joking that the homeless in Los Angeles should be shot in a new episode featuring the standup comedian Tom Segura.

Explosive, I suppose.

But to our point, do you think Slater grows jealous when he watches Rogan effortlessly chat about this and that, real world events as opposed to crocodiles, with others? Conversations that burst into the mainstream and cause shock and dismay? His own aforementioned episode, though, again, much-loved, was not without critics accusing the current world number seventeen of kowtowing to the famous podcaster.

Back to the explosion, though, the rage caused by the “shooting homeless” joke, in particular, are you too seeing red?

Filled with passion?

Billy Kemper, Kai Lenny, Ian Walsh (pictured). Surf journalist just out of frame.
Billy Kemper, Kai Lenny, Ian Walsh (pictured). Surf journalist just out of frame.

Following warrior path of Kai Lenny, Billy Kemper, Ian Walsh, brave surf journalist dusts off gun and paddles into menacing jaws of “historic” swell!

Fortune favors the bold.

The text came in early from a great friend. “Just dropped kid at beach summer camp. D Street is cranking.” And just like that, history had arrived on my very doorstep. As you are well aware, that same history has been lashing the Hawaiian Island chain’s south facing shores. Videos emerging of two-story condominiums getting completely barreled, weddings washed away, much wailing and gnashing of teeth as the largest south swell in decades steamed in from the deep.

18 – 24 foot faces.

678 – 986 foot Surfline.

Our heroes, wearing names like Kai Lenny, Billy Kemper, Ian Walsh, though, were undaunted, took the bigger boards and treated the world to a spectacular spectacular.


And so I got out of bed, knowing that D Street was cranking, wondering if my spine would be steeled enough.

Thankfully, as a recently transitioned biathlete, I’d been both surfing and running and hoped my body could take it as local San Diego newspapers were whispering of possible 8 foot sets. No telling how many Surflines.

I waited for the tide to dip, dropped by daughter off at ballet intensives then headed to the garage and carefully slid my 6’10 Channel Islands gun from the racks.

Breathing heavy.

Not wanting to overthink, I had decided to surf out the front, wandered down, hopped the tracks, scampered across the Pacific Coast Highway and studied the carnage. Lines of whitewater stretching from Swamis down to the Cardiff Reef.

No mercy.

I closed my eyes, thought of Kai Lenny, Billy Kemper, Ian Walsh and, then and there, decided to etch my name alongside theirs in the annals.

The water was warm, due the southern nature of the swell, and I regretted my 2 mil short-arm almost immediately though was also quietly thankful for the buoyancy it would give me and the mental security it might provide.

My wetsuit of armor.

The paddle was lightly tiring, as I had to duck dive four or five waves, but then I was in a lineup that hadn’t been so thin in months. Just five hellmen alone together.

One was on a single-fin Lightning Bolt, crimson and yellow.

Most of the sets were closing out but I managed to claw into a left, towering frightfully above my shoulder, and looked over its feathering lip to see if my comrades had seen it too.

Kai Lenny, Billy Kemper, Ian Walsh, Chas Smith.