"We got Pip! We got Pip!"

We surf fans are currently in the throes of thrill what with Teahupo’o putting on a spectacular show, yesterday, with more on tap for today. It is nearly impossible to look away from “head place,” as Kaipo Guerrero translated yesterday whilst perched in the brand new aluminum tower dug right into the reef, and, majestically, a whole ‘nother Teahupo’o event is just around the corner.

As you well know, Paris was gifted the 2024 Olympic Games years ago and chose to conduct the surfing component in its Polynesian territories.And, yesterday, the official heat draw was announced.

On the women’s side…

Heat 1: Yolanda Hopkins (POR), Caroline Marks (USA), Sarah Baum (RSA)
Heat 2: Sol Aguirre (PER), Janire Etxabarri (ESP), Vahine Fierro (FRA)
Heat 3: Anat Lelior (ISR), Sanoa Dempfle-Olin (CAN), Tyler Wright (AUS)
Heat 4: Tatiana Weston-Webb (BRA), Molly Picklum (AUS), Caitlin Simmers (USA)
Heat 5: Johanne Defay (FRA), Brisa Hennessy (CRC), Candelaria Resano (NCA)
Heat 6: Tainá Hinckel (BRA), Camila Kemp (GER), Luana Silva (BRA)
Heat 7: Nadia Erostarbe (ESP), Siqi Yang (CHN), Saffi Vette (NZL)
Heat 8: Carissa Moore (USA), Teresa Bonvalot (POR), Matsuda Shino (JPN)

And for the men…

Heat 1: Ethan Ewing (AUS), Tim Elter (GER), Jordy Smith (RSA)
Heat 2: Joan Duru (FRA), Jack Robinson (AUS), Matthew McGillivray (RSA)
Heat 3: Alonso Correa (PER), Filipe Toledo (BRA), Kanoa Igarashi (JPN)
Heat 4: Gabriel Medina (BRA), Connor O’Leary (JPN), Bryan Perez (ESA)
Heat 5: Ramzi Boukhiam (MAR), Billy Stairmand (NZL), João Chianca (BRA)
Heat 6: Andy Criere (ESP), John John Florence (USA), Alan Cleland (MAR)
Heat 7: Kauli Vaast (FRA), Lucca Mesinas (PER), Griffin Colapinto (USA)
Heat 8: Rio Waida (INA), Leonardo Fioravanti (ITA), Inaba Reo (JPN)

It must be assumed that the streets of Tokyo were packed with revelers last night, celebrating last Olympic’s silver medalist Kanoa Igarashi heat three score of Filipe Toledo. The timid world champion has a long history of failing to paddle at Head Place all but guaranteeing Japan advancing to the bracket stage.

Other notable draws include heat 4, for the women, which rudely pits Tati Weston-Webb against Molly Picklum and Cait Simmers.

Which are you most looking forward to?

Paddle over the proverbial ledge with friends!

"Lewd, crude and totally rude."

It is almost summer season in the northern hemisphere with all the joys therein. Long sun-dappled days, warm dreamy nights, gossip pages filled with stories of celebrities enjoying Montauk’s famed Surf Lodge and even some of them stand up paddling out into the brine on inflatable craft. “Surfing” as it were.

Ahhhhhhh.

Down under things are different, of course, with the calendar flipping to winter but that has not stopped an unnamed younger Australian woman from slamming the country’s surf shops as “creepy” in a blistering attack.

Taking to Reddit, the very flustered Victorian declared,

“I was in Queensland recently and it drives me nuts how surf shops only stock high waisted bottoms. I’ve looked thoughout Melbourne and a few regional places. I spent time in Maroochydore and Brisbane. I used to only buy surf bathers as they were cheap, decent quality, and looked cute. I understand there’s a demand for high crotch now but why is it so hard to find normal bottoms in store?”

An offensive picture was included for reference.

Shock and outrage immediately followed with some wondering “Why can’t surf shops sell swimwear that appeals to a wider range of personal tastes?” and others trying to wrap minds about the perversion, declaring, “Agree! I want something a little more modest for myself but I type ‘modest’ and get the other end of the spectrum. Why can’t there be a middle ground?”

One Reddit user, trying to be helpful, offered, “I love Unepiece, Alulu, and Infamous Swim – all online,” though more rage followed as she excluded Kelly Slater girlfriend Kalani Miller line Mikoh (shop here).

Over to you, though.

Do you find the high waisted-bikini trend to be lewd, crude and totally rude or are you on board?

"Essentially worthless."

Stab Magazine has added another page, as it were, to its gilded literary history. The subscription surf blog famous for declaring modern surf media “essentially worthless,” is certainly being shortlisted for a Pulitzer Prize after publishing a glowing profile on onetime surf brand Hurley.

Hurley Can Now Legally Rent a Car begins thusly:

Surfing’s noughties industrial powerhouses had to adapt to survive.

Perhaps none so more than Hurley.

The brand who crashed onto the already-hot scene in 1999; reached the upper-echelons in lightning time; brokered bar-none the biggest takeover deal in surfing history when they sold to Nike in 2002; spearheaded the surfing tech revolution; signed the biggest athlete deal in surfing history (John Florence in 2016); then weathered the blur of crashes, mini-crashes, famines/floods and a plague on all of our houses, to emerge in 2024.

Still here. Still Hurley.

The author, unnamed though will hopefully reveal himself at the Pulitzer Prize Award Ceremony, goes on to describe in lush detail how the brand came into being and how its new owner, Bluestar Alliance, is actually cool and core and that beard oil, pool toys, fingernail clippers and deeply discounted men’s tech pant Costco drops are the future. Or, in his words, “Hey, that work/life balance birthed the surf industry the first time around. Who’s to say it won’t work again?”

Stab fans, and lovers of the written word, are relishing passages like… “Then along came this plucky, all-American surf brand from ‘Surf Mecca’ called Hurley — hand, meet glove.” And… “So you’ve got a stellar team — including two recent World Champs — a mix of new and old talent on staff, and a whole treasure trove of technical gear to reference and re-purpose, in a time when the world’s mad for technical gear.”

Reading them back and forth in reverential tones.

Essentially worthless indeed.

Huzzah.