"I could really see you in a high-waisted bottom."

Woman slams Australian surf shops as “creepy” in blistering takedown

"Lewd, crude and totally rude."

It is almost summer season in the northern hemisphere with all the joys therein. Long sun-dappled days, warm dreamy nights, gossip pages filled with stories of celebrities enjoying Montauk’s famed Surf Lodge and even some of them stand up paddling out into the brine on inflatable craft. “Surfing” as it were.


Down under things are different, of course, with the calendar flipping to winter but that has not stopped an unnamed younger Australian woman from slamming the country’s surf shops as “creepy” in a blistering attack.

Taking to Reddit, the very flustered Victorian declared,

“I was in Queensland recently and it drives me nuts how surf shops only stock high waisted bottoms. I’ve looked thoughout Melbourne and a few regional places. I spent time in Maroochydore and Brisbane. I used to only buy surf bathers as they were cheap, decent quality, and looked cute. I understand there’s a demand for high crotch now but why is it so hard to find normal bottoms in store?”

An offensive picture was included for reference.

Shock and outrage immediately followed with some wondering “Why can’t surf shops sell swimwear that appeals to a wider range of personal tastes?” and others trying to wrap minds about the perversion, declaring, “Agree! I want something a little more modest for myself but I type ‘modest’ and get the other end of the spectrum. Why can’t there be a middle ground?”

One Reddit user, trying to be helpful, offered, “I love Unepiece, Alulu, and Infamous Swim – all online,” though more rage followed as she excluded Kelly Slater girlfriend Kalani Miller line Mikoh (shop here).

Over to you, though.

Do you find the high waisted-bikini trend to be lewd, crude and totally rude or are you on board?

Bob Hurley discusses direction of the brand that still carries his name.
Bob Hurley discusses the direction of the brand that still carries his name.

Subscription blog Stab shortlisted for Pulitzer after glowing profile of onetime surf brand Hurley

"Essentially worthless."

Stab Magazine has added another page, as it were, to its gilded literary history. The subscription surf blog famous for declaring modern surf media “essentially worthless,” is certainly being shortlisted for a Pulitzer Prize after publishing a glowing profile on onetime surf brand Hurley.

Hurley Can Now Legally Rent a Car begins thusly:

Surfing’s noughties industrial powerhouses had to adapt to survive.

Perhaps none so more than Hurley.

The brand who crashed onto the already-hot scene in 1999; reached the upper-echelons in lightning time; brokered bar-none the biggest takeover deal in surfing history when they sold to Nike in 2002; spearheaded the surfing tech revolution; signed the biggest athlete deal in surfing history (John Florence in 2016); then weathered the blur of crashes, mini-crashes, famines/floods and a plague on all of our houses, to emerge in 2024.

Still here. Still Hurley.

The author, unnamed though will hopefully reveal himself at the Pulitzer Prize Award Ceremony, goes on to describe in lush detail how the brand came into being and how its new owner, Bluestar Alliance, is actually cool and core and that beard oil, pool toys, fingernail clippers and deeply discounted men’s tech pant Costco drops are the future. Or, in his words, “Hey, that work/life balance birthed the surf industry the first time around. Who’s to say it won’t work again?”

Stab fans, and lovers of the written word, are relishing passages like… “Then along came this plucky, all-American surf brand from ‘Surf Mecca’ called Hurley — hand, meet glove.” And… “So you’ve got a stellar team — including two recent World Champs — a mix of new and old talent on staff, and a whole treasure trove of technical gear to reference and re-purpose, in a time when the world’s mad for technical gear.”

Reading them back and forth in reverential tones.

Essentially worthless indeed.


Richard Dreyfuss (pictured) in flattering dress moments before opining.
Richard Dreyfuss (pictured) in flattering dress moments before opining.

Surfers mortified after hero Richard Dreyfuss arrives in dress, breaks into anti-trans rant at Jaws screening

"We regret that an event that was meant to be a conversation to celebrate an iconic movie instead became a platform for political views."

Surfers are a diverse-ish group ranging slightly in age, sex and race though all, everywhere, consider Richard Dreyfuss a hero. The 76-year-old actor has brought many wonderful characters to life though none more inspirational, to surfers, than Matt Hooper. Yes, the brave oceanographer who correctly identified that a massive great white shark was hunting ocean players, later crawling into a cage in order to poke it with poison, is a patron saint for wave sliders, many wearing his visage around their necks in small medallion form.

You can imagine the shock, then, when days ago, Dreyfuss attended a screening of Jaws, arriving in a flattering floral dress and proceeding to break into what is being described as an “anti-trans, anti-LGBTQ+” screed. The event was scheduled in the small town of Beverly, Massachusetts and supposed to be a simple chat with the Hollywood icon with tickets running $300.

The subject matter, which also included a takedown of Barbara Streisand, was not appreciated by all.

Sarah Hogg and their partner, Jonah Hoffmann, attended but marched right out in protest, Hogg telling the Boston Globe, “I’m queer, I’m nonbinary. This is personal to me. It’s one of those moments where you feel like you’re having an out-of-body experience. It was horrifying.”

Cheri Ziegra forwent the media and took her disgust straight to Facebook, penning, “Apparently (I found out too late), he has a reputation for spewing this kind of racist, homophobic, misogynistic bullcrap. … We did NOT get what we paid for (which we all assumed would be a light, fun evening listening to stories and anecdotes about RD’s time on the Vineyard making ‘Jaws.’) This was offensive and we demand a refund.”

Theater director J. Casey Soward, feeling very bad, declared, “We regret that an event that was meant to be a conversation to celebrate an iconic movie instead became a platform for political views. We take full responsibility for the oversight in not anticipating the direction of the conversation and for the discomfort it caused to many patrons. We are in active dialogue with our patrons about their experience and are committed to learning from this event how to better enact our mission of entertaining, educating and inspiring our community.”

Surfers mortified.

The Dreyfuss team has yet to address the matter but will hopefully before the Tahiti Pro kicks off in under 24 hours.


WSL and shark at Lowers
WSL officials fend off Great White during Finals Day surf off.

San Clemente, California, world’s latest Great White hotspot after all beaches closed following “aggressive shark behaviour”

"We have been put in harm’s way due to the change in regulations and the elimination of what had been working for as any can remember."

The explosion of the Great White population in southern California is hardly news to the surfers who see the happy, maligned, majestic (etc) animals frolicking at close range. 

You’ll remember when a breaching eight-foot Great White close to where Gabriel Medina and Filipe Toledo were competing in the second of a best-of-three heats for the world title forced the WSL’s Finals Day to be put on hold.

In the last decade, Great Whites have become synonymous with this stretch of coastline. Whether, as experts say it’s the natural result of protection or a healthier ecosystem (more seals and seal lions) is immaterial, really, because they ain’t going anywhere and therefore the OC surfer must live with this fact.

(Something the central coast and northern Californian surfer has always had to do. Click here to recall the day the noted writer Lewis Samuels either bravely went to the aid of a pal who’d been hit by a Great White or left him to die…)

But breaching juveniles at Lowers is one thing, fully grown adults is another. And city officials were quick to close all beaches in San Clemente yesterday after a surfer was knocked off his board by a Great White shark. 

“The surfer and one other surfer were sitting on their boards waiting for a wave when they saw a dark gray object approach and knock one of the surfers off their surfboard,” said San Clemente Marine Safety Lt. Sean Staudenbaur. “The surfers then came to the shore and reported the incident, at which point officials made the decision to close water access for 24 hours.”

Six years ago, the OC Register was onto it:

“The Southern California coastline has seen an influx of sharks close to shore in recent years, groups of dozens and more gathering in “hot spots,” first noticed frequently near surfers and swimmers in the South Bay, Santa Monica and Ventura about six years ago, then showing up in Huntington, Surfside Beach and Seal Beach in higher-than-normal numbers about four years ago.

“Maria Korcsmaros nearly lost her life while training for a triathlon when a shark attacked her near Corona del Mar in May of 2016.  In April 2017, swimmer Leeanne Ericson lost a piece of her leg and buttock to an estimated 10-foot shark off San Onofre State Beach.

“Last summer, a group of juvenile sharks took residence in shallow waters off Long Beach, as well as further south off Dana Point and San Clemente. Their presence made headlines and even led to the creation of shark tours to give people up-close looks at the predators.

“Dana Wharf Whale Watching launched Shark Searches last year to give spectators an up-close look at the sharks, selling out seats week after with week. Manager Donna Kalez said that if sightings do increase, early-morning whale watching charters may start also looking for sharks.”

In 2021, Joel Tudor posted footage of a ten-foot Great White breaching off Cardiff, a little south of San Clemente, and in the exact town where BeachGrit principal Chas Smith twirls his corn-coloured hair on painted fingernails. 

“Don’t surf Cardiff,” wrote Tudor. “It’s infested with ten-foot White sharks that are attracted to soft tops, stand-up paddlers and tourist swimmers. Stay safe and find a lake or go take a hike. This was today at 8:12 am.”

The post opened a floodgate of Great White chatter.

Former tour surfer Shea Lopez wrote, “When these pups grow up it’s gonna be a different story in SoCal waters. They were all over Lowers the past three days.”

“Result of almost thirty years of no local net fishing inshore,” Tudor replied. “Those dudes used to cull the count quite a bit and helped keep the balance. Since they have been gone the numbers are crazy.”

“Same in Florida,” wrote Lopez, “Used to be we were protected by the actions of the fisherman understanding the ecosystem and being in charge of doing not only what is best for them but also the community that they live in as it affects everyone from their children to their grandparents. Now we have been put in harm’s way due to the change in regulations and the elimination of what had been working for as any can remember. And working well. What next. We have to make an effort to stop the inevitable.”

A  daddy to a shredder I know in San Clemente said his kid begged to go surfing when he saw four surfers in the water at Lowers.

“I told him no,” he said. ”

Which raises the perennial question: to kill or no.

Where do you stand?


John John Florence and Ocean Grove beach.
If it wasn't for the wild conservatism of her home town, Ocean Grove, ain't no way Alex Florence would've fled for the North Shore and, ultimately, create the greatest three-pack of surf brothers ever birthed.

New Jersey Christians fight back after being ordered to keep beach with links to John John Florence open on Sundays

“For 155 years, we have closed our beach on Sunday mornings to honor God – a core pillar of this community."

In the otherwise dreary year of 1986, a pretty sixteen-year-old girl broke out of the shackles of her upbringing in a Christian seaside community in New Jersey called Ocean Grove, and split for the North Shore.

That was Alex Florence who’d go on to birth a two-time world champ, John John, the reigning surfer of the year, Nathan, and the coolest of them ‘em all, a man so sexy he makes your hair stand up and your stomach turn to buttermilk, skate-surf maestro Ivan.

Ocean Grove, established by Methodists in 1869, is, also known as “God’s Square Mile.” You can’t buy booze, the Christian flag (red cross on a white banner) flaps near the beach and wooden crosses have been dug into the sand. Even the pier is in the shape of a cross.

And, for surfers, who want a little taste of those occasionally epic hurricane-generated tubes, well, it ain’t gonna happen on a Sunday morn when, by all rights, you should be giving it to Jesus in church.

Y’see, as a mark of the community’s piety, the beach is closed until midday on Sunday although that rule was overturned by the state last October when the Department of Environmental Protection ordered ‘em to stop close the beach Sunday or else risk twenty-five gees a day in fines.

The Ocean Grove Camp Meeting Association, which owns the beach, appealed the decision and lost.

“All members of the public are welcome [onto the beach] 365 days a year. Anyone, regardless of race, creed, religion or orientation is welcome onto this private property 99.5% of the year,” the Association argued.

Now, the joint is open, temporarily, while the group continues to fight the decision.

“For 155 years, we have closed our beach on Sunday mornings to honor God – a core pillar of this community since the founding of the Ocean Grove Camp Meeting Association,” the group’s said in a statement. “We are challenging this order to preserve our property rights and religious freedom.”

I kinda like the idea of no pressure Sundays, ain’t no need to wake up for the early, but also the notion that I might slip into an empty tube while the good burghers of Ocean Grove are getting their fix in church.