Surf Equity (left) reliably hilarious.
Surf Equity (left) reliably hilarious.

“Rage over the rainbow” as anti-feminist Surf Equity accuses longboard shaper of hijacking pride flag

Chas Smith

By

Dog whistles galore.

One of the most comedically satisfying troupes in our shared space is, undoubtedly, the Committee for Equity in Women’s Surfing. Founded in the middle 2010s, the organization set out championing equal pay, equal access and other noble ideals by, and here’s the joke, attacking women. The Andy Kaufman-esque routine, aiming for a complex laugh, has skewered Keala Kennelly, Bethany Hamilton and Jess Miley-Dyer, among others.

Now, in a development of further waggish material, the non-profit is setting its sights on a longboard shaper who used a rainbow motif on one of his craft. Todd Messick, whom the gang humorously described as “an anti-LGBTQI bigot,” had shared an image to Instagram, obviously opening the door for jokes and giggles.

The question, I suppose, does the rainbow actually belong to the LGBTQI brand or is it, rather, the Ramaytush Ohlone peoples’ who are the original inhabitants of what is now the San Francisco Peninsula. “As Guests,” Surf Equity pens on its chuckle-a-minute website, “we recognize that we benefit from living and working on their traditional homeland, and we affirm their sovereign rights as first peoples.”

The capital G for “Guest” and lowercases for “first” and “peoples” a likely racist dog whistle taking attention from the otherwise lighthearted fare.

In any case, whose rainbow is it?

Todd’s, Surf Equity’s or the Ramaytush Oholone?

More as the story develops.

Jerry Seinfeld surfing
"If I could have spent my entire life just living broke and being a surf bum and every day paddle out and spend a few hours a day surfing, that’s as good a life as any life you could have," says Jerry Seinfeld.

On seventieth birthday Jerry Seinfeld reveals, “I follow every surfer on Instagram”

Derek Rielly

By

"Every day I stare at them like a cat looking at a bird through the window."

The co-creator of Seinfeld, Brooklyn-born Jerry Seinfeld, has revealed a lifelong fetish for surfing in an interview with People magazine, a celeb mag with sixty-mill readers.

Jerry Seinfeld, who turns seventy today, owned TV from the late nineties until, almost, the birth of the 21st century with his comedy Seinfeld, which ran from 1989 to 1998.

Seinfeld played a fictionalized version of himself, the straight man with a perpetual poker face to his three tightly wound pals, George, Elaine and Kramer.

Seinfeld was also noted for injecting his melon-red tongue into a diff gal every episode, something noted to great comic effect in the spin-off series Curb Your Enthusiasm by Larry David’s sidekick Leon.

“Every week you get your new ass, every fucking show…you meet some new chick and I know you fucking people,” Leon tells Jerry.

None of it – the cash, the gals, the houses, pretty cars – means anything, however, ‘cause Jerry Seinfeld never surfed and it eats the old New Yorker up.

“I follow every surfer on Instagram,” Seinfeld told People magazine. “Every day I stare at them like a cat looking at a bird through the window. The thing I would like to do more than anything is get up on a surfboard and ride a wave. That would be the dream of my life.”

Compare chasing waves to working a six-week season of twelve-to-sixteen hour shifts, real tough yards even if you’re pulling in thirteen gees for every line.

“I think if I could have spent my entire life just living broke and being a surf bum and every day paddle out and spend a few hours a day surfing, that’s as good a life as any life you could have,” he said.

Spin the table.

Would you give up your life in the ocean for a few hundred mill in the bank, a mirrored white-and-gold bedroom and a conga-line of radiant sex slaves with bush that bulges from their lil panties?

Greater Building Society – “Surfer” with Jerry Seinfeld from Joe Morris on Vimeo.

 

Open Thread: Comment Live on Day Four of the Bonsoy Gold Coast Pro

Chas Smith

By

No Kelly, no problem.

Logan Murray. Wanted.

Famed New Zealand surf photog Logan Murray recalls being told he would “have all fingers broken” over iconic images

Chas Smith

By

Danger bay.

For those outside Oxnard’s feared Silver Strand, surf localism is mainly a thing of the past. Ubiquitous cellular cameras that double as telephones are everywhere, capturing “bad behavior.” Hordes of adult learners, who took up our pastime of kings during Covid, are just as happy to sue for damages as they are to drop in willy nilly. Maintaining lineup order, thus, a virtually extinct part time job.

Yes, it’s a different world but not long ago, death threats and mob-like warnings that “all fingers would be broken” were part of the norm. Enter Logan Murray. The famed New Zealand surf photographer responsible for putting Kiwian waves on the map has sat down with the team at 1 news and is sharing all, including being a wanted man and having to live like a sniper in order to snap the ocean.

Essential viewing though do you have opinions?

Are they well-formed?

Share either way.

Kelly Slater (left) and longtime girlfriend Kalani Miler.
Kelly Slater (left) and longtime girlfriend Kalani Miler.

In stunning revelation, surf star Kelly Slater hopes unborn son will mirror his own radical ‘tude

Chas Smith

By

"I'm generally pretty calm in stressful situations..."

The announcement that 11x world surfing champion Kelly Slater and his longtime Chinese girlfriend Kalani Miller delighted the wave-appreciating community like few before it. The best to ever do it shared that he and Miller were expecting, weeks ago, with a very cute photo shoot. While initial theory suggested the child would be a baby girl, it turned out that a son is, in fact, on the way.

Now while it is both rude and ill-mannered to speculate as to what the li’l fella might do with himself, it is also impossible.

Could he be gifted with the preternatural talent that has allowed his father to remain at the peak of professional surfing for forty years? Dominating very scary waves like Teahupo’o and Pipeline along the way?

Or might the apple fall far from the tree, the boy enjoying to stay indoors and read books about Faustian architecture instead?

Well, Slater, placing a tanned finger on the scales, appears to be actively campaigning for the former.

In a stunning revelation to Daily Mail, Slater openly declared:

We are really excited, little unnerving, little scary but that’s part of the excitement and anticipation that comes along with being a parent. I’m generally pretty calm in stressful situations. Kalani’s a lot more organised, more on it with everything she needs to get done. So I hope our child is that way. But it’s fun to like thrills and excitement too so maybe a little bit more of the physical life I like and balance of life she likes.

The balance of opposites, as they say.

RVCA-esque.

But what do you make of that? Natural hopes and dreams of a parent for child or an unnecessary bit of playing god?

Did you harbor secret wishes for your offspring?

Did they come true?

Share!

Photo: Justin Jay/@justinjayphoto
EAT BEACHGRIT SPAM!
It's Daily!