Australian surfers snarl as old mate Julian Assange returns to already choked lineups

"Mate, the last thing we need is one more surfer..."

Australian surfers are bracing themselves, today, as yet another surfer is set to enter lineups already choked past even remotely acceptable levels. Julian Assange, 52, chartered a $500,000 plane which is flying him from London to Snapper where he will likely paddle out behind the rock and begin snaking alongside Joel Parkinson and Dean Morrison.

Along the way, he will stop in Saipan in order to plead guilty to one count of breaching United States espionage law.

Assange had spent the past the last five years in England’s Belmarsh Prison after a seven year stay in Ecuador’s London embassy. The WikiLeaks founder and editor had become in much trouble for releasing documents that cast a dark light on United States activity in Iraq and Afghanistan.

His wife, who married him when he was jailed, declared that she was “elated” that her husband was finally a free man and “We will be seeking a pardon, obviously, but the fact that there is a guilty plea, under the Espionage Act, in relation to obtaining and disclosing national defence information is obviously a very serious concern for journalists.”

She will likely not be as happy when he stays out very late at night drinking Balters with the boys.

While free speech advocates are cheering, the Gold Coast surfing community is wondering if Assange will ride JS or DHD though are expecting him to choose a higher volume board in order to catch more waves. One surfer, asking to remain anonymous in order to avoid being arrested for spying, stated, “Old mate has been out of the water for twelve years. He’s going to drop in on any and everything. Argh. Fark. Cunt. Etc.”

His options, there, are either JS’s Sub Xero or DHD’s Interceptor.

Australian Prime Minster Anthony Albanese not wanting to kick that particular beehive simply said, “Regardless of the views that people have about Mr Assange [and] his activities, the case has dragged on for too long.”

But what do you think?

JS or DHD?

More as the story develops.