The death of fierce independence.

Almost one year ago, to the day, surf fans were shocked after surf adjacent website The Inertia was sold to publishing giant AllGear Digitals for a deal worth reported millions.

“Building The Inertia has been one of the most rewarding journeys I can imagine,” founder Zach Weisberg, a Virginia Beach surfer who was inspired to launch what would become the template for the vulnerable adult learner tsunami, said at the time. “Since day one, we’ve committed to forging great relationships, sharing valuable stories from unique perspectives in a culture we love, and challenging ourselves to embrace new opportunities.”

The aforementioned surf fans, though, worried if “corporate culture” would invade the fierce independence for which The Inertia was known.

It now appears those fears were justified.

Days ago, the “definitive voice of the outdoors” posted the think piece “Surf Fan Who Wanted Important Contest Held at Big Barreling Left Angry It’s Being Held at Big Barreling Left” wherein “die hard surf fan” Nick Ramos was quoted reacting to the World Surf League moving Finals Day from Lower Trestles to Cloudbreak.

“If I didn’t find a way to be unhappy with the current circumstance then I’d have to sit and enjoy them,” he said. “Sure, they met my personal demands. And I do feel entitled to having my exact view of what’s best for professional surfing validated. But what these corporate kooks don’t get is that a surf fan’s job — the job of a true core surfer — is to live in a state of discontent no matter what.”

While The Inertia’s involuntarily celibate readership enjoyed the scathing wit to which they’d become accustomed, they were left gasping for air at the end when arriving at a disclaimer.

Editor’s Note: If you didn’t figure out this was satire within the first few sentences, shoot us a note and we’ll immediately reply with a response making fun of you.

While also flashing a devil-may-care ethos, it does present a very slippery slope and might hint at AllGear’s meddling. Of course, The Inertia is scandal prone but that’s what makes it so savage.

Dark days, in any case, for a free press.

"Using data from the Australian Sports Commission, which shows there are more than 720,000 active adult Australian surfers..."

“Money can buy material things, but real happiness must be truly earned,” proto-hippe Jean-Jacques Rousseau wrote back in 1750 and the sentiment has since been baked into fact. It is assumed that the likes of Jennifer Lopez and Ben Affleck with their multi-millions and gigantic homes are miserable and, frankly, it seems thus.

Well, in an absolute shock to grumpy locals, the largest study of its kind found that surfing increases happiness, at least in the United Kingdom.

“I’m always smiling, and the joy I feel for the rest of the day after being at The Wave has made me a much nicer person to be around according to my wife,” one Welshman told researchers. “To say (surfing) has changed my later life is an understatement,” a Scot added.

Now, in a striking Commonwealth connection, it has been revealed that Australian surfers inject wads of cash into the economy each and every year.

Per Phys.org:

The researchers found surfing injects almost $3 billion into the Australian economy each year. The research is published in Marine Policy. Co-authors Asad Yusoff from ANU and Mark Lane and Katja Verreydt from Surfing WA contributed to the findings.

“We asked participants how much they spent on domestic travel and how often they’d traveled to go surfing during the last 12 months, but also how much they spent on new boards, wetsuits and other surf-related accessories,” survey lead Dr. Ana Manero, from ANU, said.

“Our research shows adult surfers spend more than $3,700 per person, each year.

“Using data from the Australian Sports Commission, which shows there are more than 720,000 active adult Australian surfers, we found that surfing injects at least $2.71 billion into the economy each year.

“This is a conversative figure at best because it doesn’t factor in overseas visitors who travel to Australia to go surfing or money generated through professional surfing.”

So, if money buys surfing and surfing equals happiness then Jean-Jacques Rousseau has finally been dubbed a hack.

Viva la revolution.

"The joy I feel for the rest of the day after being at The Wave has made me a much nicer person..."

Now, our JP Currie might seem a little gruff sometimes but science has just proved that a happy light is actually glowing in his Scottish heart. Yes, the largest study of surfing and its relationship to mental health has just been conducted in his United Kingdom. The partnership between the University of Bristol and The Wave, also in Bristol, chatted with 1350 souls about their wave sliding and found “a positive relationship between increased frequency of surfing and better mental wellbeing.”

While longtime surfers, likely including Currie, cast doubt upon those 1350 kooks, late adopters gushed, “I’m always smiling, and the joy I feel for the rest of the day after being at The Wave has made me a much nicer person to be around according to my wife.” And “To say (surfing) has changed my later life is an understatement.”

Gag.

The study found that the biggest barriers to the wellspring of surfing joy were “the weather, work and study commitments, travel time, and pollution.” Dr Joey Murphy, a lecturer in physical activity and public health at the University of Bristol, told the BBC, “The data clearly indicates that making surfing accessible to more people has the potential to support both population health and the UK economy.”

Little does Dr. Murphy know that more surfers coming into this pastime of kings will almost instantly snuff out the glowing happy light and replace it with hatred and ice.

Argh.

But hold on… “the joy I feel for the rest of the day after being at The Wave has made me a much nicer person…”?

This seems like real sweet advertisement for artificial surf tanks. Like, too sweet. Wait until Kelly Slater gets his hands on this fake science.