Johnny Depp honours Hawaiian surfer Tamayo Perry, killed by shark

"I remember Tamayo Perry well. A lovely man, with a huge heart and zest for life…"

The American actor Johnny Depp, star of Pirates of the Caribbean and, more recently, a lengthy libel case against his one-time gal Amber Heard, has paid tribute to his former co-star Tamayo Perry, who was killed by a shark one month ago.

“Hard-charging, god-fearing Pipe specialist” Tamayo Perry was attacked by a Tiger shark while surfing solo near Goat Island in Kahuku.

First responders were called after a body was found with bite wounds near the notoriously sharky surf spot.

“Even though it was some years ago now, I remember Tamayo well. A lovely man, with a huge heart and zest for life… Emilia, I send you all my love and strength. You are in my thoughts,” wrote Depp.

Tamayo Perry, as you know, was a staple of magazines and films around the turn of the century, was always a stand-out at Pipe, obvs, and was famous for taking off on any damn thing that blackened the horizon at Teahupoo, a fifth at the Billabong Pro evidence, as if it was necessary, of his bona fides there.

Johnny Depp, meanwhile, is a man able to harness public support even at his lowest ebb, accused of being a gal-beater.

As the wonderfully droll Theodore Dalrymple wrote at the time of the libel trial:

“I found it surprising, and somewhat dispiriting, that anybody could be so enthusiastic as this about a man who, whatever his real character might be, appears to exude degeneracy.”

In the same story, Dalrymple included a text sent by Depp, warning readers,

“As it is in the public domain—you can read the judgment online—I reproduce it here in full, with a trigger warning about its deep unpleasantness. Those who are very sensitive to vileness should avert their eyes to the following paragraph…This is not an expletive that escaped a man under the influence of a sudden access of emotion; it is the outpouring of a mind that makes the average sewer seem like a mountain stream. A man who could even think this, let alone see fit to immortalize it in a written message, has, in the phrase libel lawyers use, ‘no reputation to lose.'”

She’s begging for total global humiliation. She’s gonna get it. I’m gonna need your texts about San Francisco brother … I’m even sorry to ask … But she sucked Mollusk’s [I assume a reference to Elon Musk] crooked dick and he gave her some shitty lawyers … I have no mercy, no fear and not an ounce of emotion or what I once thought was love for this gold digging, low level, dime a dozen, mushy, pointless dangling overused flappy fish market … I’m so fucking happy she wants to fight this out!!! She will hit the wall hard!!! And I cannot wait to have this waste of a cum guzzler out of my life!!! I met fucking sublime little Russian here … Which makes me realize the time I blew on that 50 cent stripper … I wouldn’t touch her with a goddam glove. I can only hope that karma kicks in and takes the gift of breath from her … Sorry man … But NOW I will stop at nothing!!! Let’s see if Mollusk has a pair … Come see me face to face … I’ll show him things he’s never seen before … Like the other side of his dick when I slice it off.

Epic texting!