"Some gnarly news for those who love to hang 10."

“Some gnarly news for those who love to hang 10” dropped this morning as the World Surf League has officially admitted that the much-loved Apple TV+ program Make or Break has been cancelled after just two seasons. Surf fans have been logging into smart televisions for weeks, now, terrified that they might miss the premier. Alas, that terror now transformed into run-of-the-mill depression.

The “newly minted” (i.e. demoted) WSL Commissioner Jessi Miley-Dyer was forced to almost admit to the failure at the recent “Winning: Women & Sports” conference, declaring, “Make or Break‘s on hold. Obviously, it’s been a great show for us. It’s been really valuable. But the most important thing we’ve had are the relationships through Make or Break, and we still have that exclusive relationship with Box to Box [Films], the production company.”

“On hold” a common euphemism for “shit canned.”

Miley-Dyer continued attempting to apply lipstick to a canceled series, hinting that “other things are in development” including “Pipe Dreams” and “Inside Pro Surfing” but “This one’s on hold, obviously.”

One surf fan, preferring to remain unnamed, responded, “Obviously? It wasn’t obvious to me. I’ve been waiting to see the behind-the-scenes around champion Filipe Toledo’s shock withdrawal at the start of the season for months. I guess I’ll never get to know the reason now. Gnarly news.”

Pipe Dreams, though. Do you imagine its a film adaptation of the culturally important Kelly Slater biography which takes us:

From Beach Blanket Bingo to Baywatch to Blue Crush, surfing has fascinated people for years, and Kelly Slater is the sport’s hottest star. He has won more world championships than any other competitor, and he continues to change peoples’ minds about what can and can’t be done on a surfboard. His wild ride has included fame, fortune, a stint on Baywatch, and a high-profile relationship with Pamela Anderson. Not bad for a skinny kid from a broken home in Cocoa Beach, Florida.

Not bad at all.

More as the story develops.

Did the current world champ make the list?

I am currently in Paris, France and Olympic joyeux is everywhere. The Games will, of course, kick off on July 26 with what is certain to be a very progressive opening ceremony. I just so happened to be at a symposium, a few days ago, wherein Bernie Arnault’s son Antoine discussed how the family company LVMH was in charge of the show and hinted at some spectacular spectacular.

He did not, unfortunately, mention surfing at all though I did catch him in the hall, afterward, and gave him a thumbs up for Dior’s Carissa Moore collaboration. He nodded knowingly though should maybe go have stern words with the International Olympic Committee in papa’s pocket as it omitted the universally adored Hawaiian in its just-dropped “six surfers to watch.”

But, and before you read, which six surfers do you imagine made the list? Filipe Toledo? I don’t know how the sitting world champion with historic performances at Head Place is not number one followed by Vahine Fierro, Ramzi Boukhaim and Rio Waida but let us now look.

1. Gabriel Medina

2. Johanne Defay

3. John John Florence

4. Brisa Hennessy

5. Jack Robinson

6. Tatiana Weston-Webb

Gabriel at number one makes sense as his performance at the just-wrapped Tahiti Pro was otherworldly. Johanne Defay at two utterly odd. John at three a safe pick but feels uninspired. Hennessy at four might be fair except the exclusion of the aforementioned Fierro makes it not. Robinson at five not a good call unless there is a thought that the model-surfer is filled with rage over his loss to Yago Dora in May and Tati Weston-Webb at six is fine enough except certain to frustrate Keala Kennelly.

So there we have it. I suppose “shock and confusion” a bit much but, still. As a core surf fan, what does your list look like?

"Byron Bay has always been comfortable with a certain degree of exposed flesh..."

The surprise ally-ship of surfers and nudists delighted all after the former came out in droves to support the latter after “herds of men in city clothing are coming to the beach, intimidating visitors, and filming naked women and children” in Canada. The two seemingly disparate groups showing a bitterly divided world how to love.

Tears, then, today in surfer households after Australian rich hippie paradise Byron Bay has moved to ban its only closing optional stretch of sand. The Guardian is reporting those headed to Tyagarah Beach will be forced into constricting wetsuits for surfing or swim trunks for frisbee playing as the New South Wales National Parks and Wildlife Service has officially criminalized nakedness.

The nudists tried to save the beach which has been a nudist haven since 1998 to no avail even though “Byron Bay has always been comfortable with a certain degree of exposed flesh. The region has one of the highest rates of skin cancer in the country but when the sun is out, people sunbathe topless or discretely skinny dip along its beaches. Every year a naked bike-ride runs through the centre of town and in March local paper the Echo ran uncensored images from the ride showing male genitalia on its front cover.”

Paul Fisher naked surfing too.

But all done now and who’s to blame?

A conservative creep.

Maxine Hawker who has enjoyed stripping down to skin for the last twenty plus years declared, “I am so shocked by it. I can’t believe Byron Bay would become so conservative. We have, as a people and a culture, become more conservative and I think that conservative creep has come to Byron.”

The conservative creep used to be satisfied with simply hanging out online. His move to Byron and subsequently getting everyone to put robes on an extremely disturbing development.

While surfers are encouraged to write local officials in protest etc., there is an air of defeat.

Draconian times.