Surf journalist Chas Smith reports from Paris 2024!

“Paris will be alive. I’ll be here covering surfing from the actual site of the Paris 2024 Olympics as opposed to Tahiti."

A common, and fair, criticism of this news site is that principal reporter Chas Smith rarely ventures beyond his southern Californian neighbourhood.

Instead, he sits in his living room sipping Dr Pepper in orange sunglasses, white slacks and a white sweater, his lustrous yellow hair catching glints of the San Diego sun.

In the interests of a fair and accurate account of Paris 2024’s surfing component, Chas Smith has rented an apartment in the Marais there and, today, in his first instalment reports on the hate, boredom and sadness felt by all surfers compelled to fly to Tahiti for Paris 2024 and not the host city itself.

“Paris will be alive. I’ll be here covering surfing from the actual site of the Olympics as opposed to Tahiti,” says Smith. “But, maybe there’s a silver lining. Maybe for a Filipe Toledo could wander the streets imagining the Belle Epoque? That he was there himself, sitting at a corner bistro. Maybe Filipe Toledo could write some poetry, like Moliere. Maybe he could learn to speak French really good. Maybe he could learn to speak French really good.”

 


The gang (pictured) not technically working.
The gang (pictured) not technically working.

Award-winning actress Scarlett Johansson calls bull on surf broadcasting as honest profession

"...it's not technically work."

There are tears in the Turpel household tonight. The Guerrero one too. Chris Cote is trying to be brave but his adorable glasses are fogging up and Mitch Salazar is gently rocking himself underneath a palapa, quietly muttering “Estoy triste. Estoy muy triste.” For, hours ago, their life’s work was brutally torn down and dumped in a soggy pile.

Surf broadcasting declared not a real job by the talented and beautiful Scarlett Johansson.

The issue was raised during a sit down between the award-winning actress and the Today Show’s Savannah Guthrie. Johansson’s husband Colin Jost, you recall, will be calling the surfing portion of the Olympic Games from Tahiti. The Black Widow shared, “Even I’m like, ‘How did you get this gig?’ I just want to know.”

Then she dropped the hammer.

“When they announced the Paris Olympics he immediately found out that the surf competition [is] in Tahiti which is so cool. He loves to surf, we have a place in Montauk, he’s always out there surfing. Somehow the dream became a reality, and now he’s going to be in Tahiti for two weeks. I’m like, ‘Poor you.’ He’s like, ‘Poor me I’m going to be all over the place. ‘I’m like, are you? I think if you can have a piña colada on air while you’re working it’s not technically work.”

Not technically work.

 

Etc.

And while I do feel bad for the boys in the booth, I can’t help but worry after my own profession of surf journalism. I know the amount of toil that Derek Rielly, Jen See, JP Currie put in. The time in that proverbial salt mine. I can only hope Scarlett Johansson can see it and understand.

Lighting a candle.

More as the story develops.


Hero Aussie dad disappears while rescuing 10-foot shark!

But emerges from depths triumphant, “I hung onto its fin and went for a ride!”

They breed ’em a little different down there in South Australia, long a shark and by shark, I mean…big… shark, hot spot.

As one BeachGrit reader put it last Christmas after a young surfer was killed metres from shore, “In South Australia, you can have sharks or you can have surfing. You can’t have both.” 

Two months before that, 55-year-old surfer Tod Gendle was killed and disappeared by a fifteen-foot Great White at Granites, twenty clicks out of Streaky Bay, South Australia, seven hundred clicks north-west of Adelaide. 

And, earlier in 2023, and just a hundred clicks south, local school teacher Simon Baccanello was killed by a Great White while surfing at Walkers Rocks in Elliston.

Anyway, sharks are around and the locals know which breed you gotta be wary of, Great Whites, and those that are scary as hell to see up close but probably won’t tear you in two.

Now,

Aussie dad Tristan Turner has been hailed a hero after saving a lightly wounded 10-foot bronze whaler his kids had accidentally hooked while fishing off Kangaroo Island’s American River Jetty.

“Dad, no!” screams one of his kids when his daddy jumps into the drink.

“We needed to get the hook out and let it go, so I just swam it around to the boat ramp off the rocks, got the hook out of it and got it back swimming again,” Turner told 7News. “I horrified my son when I swam off with it, he was a bit scared, but they’re a pretty friendly species of shark.”

Daddy, who wrangled trapped crocodiles for a living up there in the wild Northern Territory for almost a decade, says he has long held a dream to ride a shark.

“I had the opportunity when I let it go, hung on to its fin and went for a ride,” he said.


What happens at Nazare (pictured) stays at Nazare.
What happens at Nazare (pictured) stays at Nazare.

Travel Agency group readies for lawsuits after declaring Nazare best “off the beaten path” surfing destination for novices

"Nazaré North Canyon reaches depths of about 5,000m creating an ideal destination for any surfer, from novice to expert."

Surfing, man. What was once the domain of dropouts and derelicts has transmorphed, in the last decade, into a theater of the rich, driven and motivated. I don’t know who, besides Sam George, Zach Weisberg or “Jake Howard,” felt it a good idea to make this place easy to access but, man, what a rotten bit of business.

Here we are, though, with George pushing carbon fiber paddles, “Howard” staking the outer corners of the “big tent” and Weisberg wake surfing in a tuxedo.

Extremely embarrassing but lucrative for a handful of enterprising vulnerable adult learners?

Yes, a travel agency trade group, hours ago, published the best “off the beaten path” surf locations on earth and which “secret spot” topped the list?

Nazare.

Hospitality.net brazenly declared:

Boasting arguably the biggest rideable waves in the world, Nazaré is known as one of the best beaches in Portugal, and even globally. The source of these perfect large waves is the underwater Nazaré North Canyon, which reaches depths of about 5,000m, creating an ideal destination for any surfer, from novice to expert.

From novice to expert? And imagine the Covid-era surf adopter with a few years under her belt, looking for a new challenge, taking hospitality.net up and paddling Nazare’s “perfect large waves” on a relatively new 8 foot performance egg.

Imagine the legal action her family will take when “Nazaré is known as one of the best beaches in Portugal, and even globally. The source of these perfect large waves is the underwater Nazaré North Canyon, which reaches depths of about 5,000m, creating an ideal destination for any surfer, from novice to expert” pops up on browser search.

Travel agents shaking heads in dismay while pooling money and blaming artificial intelligence/”Jake Howard.”

Rightly so. It’s better if it all goes the way of plastic to-go coffee cup lids in Paris.

Erased from memory and replaced with paper to-go coffee cup lids that leave a nice film on the lips.

Yum.


Mark Zuckerberg (left) and his sworn enemy Elon Musk (right)
Mark Zuckerberg (left) and his sworn enemy Elon Musk (right)

Elon Musk savages Mark Zuckerberg for surfing on the 4th of July

"May he continue to have fun on his yachts. I prefer to work."

Meta chief Mark Zuckerberg brought joy and smiles to all Americans, over the 4th of July weekend, but especially to those who call the surf community home. The humanoid, dressed in a tuxedo whilst holding an American flag and drinking a banquet beer, posted a video of himself pumping the wake of a boat and penned, “Happy Birthday America.”

Surfers everywhere, but especially notable professional ones, immediately jumped in to their good friend Zuck’s feed, fluffing etc. Maui’s Billy Kemper, for example, declared, “Next one in the barrel. I’ll tow you in!” And though the world’s 4th richest man hinted at a serious injury, seemed to be game.

Very impressive to everyone except Elon Musk. The South African inventor has had long running beef with Zuckerberg. Much dislike and, thus, the world’s richest man responded to the clip extremely dismissively, stating on his X, “May he continue to have fun on his yachts. I prefer to work.”

Ouch.

While the multi-billionaire’s dig reverberated, it did not seem to land with the aforementioned notable professional surfers whom did not respond with cloying attempts to be seen on his feed. I would imagine the world’s most notable professional surfer Kelly Slater felt very torn. He has professed admiration for Musk, in the past, though may feel that Zuck has more to offer in the way of fun and yachts.

If you had to be best friends with one of the two, which would you choose?

What if Amazon’s Jeff Bezos is thrown into the mista?

Here in Paris, Match Magazine, “intéressé au fondateur d’Amazon, Jeff Bezos, et son couple avec Lauren Sanchez, celle qui fût sa maîtresse et a précipité son mariage vers le divorce. Le magazine souligne notamment la transformation physique du milliardaire.”

Do you have any thoughts about the world’s 2nd richest man’s “transformation physique?” Turning into a big ol’ muscle?

Notable professional surfers seem to be light in his comments too. Maybe more intimidating than li’l Mark?

More questions than answers, I suppose.