What happens at Nazare (pictured) stays at Nazare.
What happens at Nazare (pictured) stays at Nazare.

Travel Agency group readies for lawsuits after declaring Nazare best “off the beaten path” surfing destination for novices

"Nazaré North Canyon reaches depths of about 5,000m creating an ideal destination for any surfer, from novice to expert."

Surfing, man. What was once the domain of dropouts and derelicts has transmorphed, in the last decade, into a theater of the rich, driven and motivated. I don’t know who, besides Sam George, Zach Weisberg or “Jake Howard,” felt it a good idea to make this place easy to access but, man, what a rotten bit of business.

Here we are, though, with George pushing carbon fiber paddles, “Howard” staking the outer corners of the “big tent” and Weisberg wake surfing in a tuxedo.

Extremely embarrassing but lucrative for a handful of enterprising vulnerable adult learners?

Yes, a travel agency trade group, hours ago, published the best “off the beaten path” surf locations on earth and which “secret spot” topped the list?

Nazare.

Hospitality.net brazenly declared:

Boasting arguably the biggest rideable waves in the world, Nazaré is known as one of the best beaches in Portugal, and even globally. The source of these perfect large waves is the underwater Nazaré North Canyon, which reaches depths of about 5,000m, creating an ideal destination for any surfer, from novice to expert.

From novice to expert? And imagine the Covid-era surf adopter with a few years under her belt, looking for a new challenge, taking hospitality.net up and paddling Nazare’s “perfect large waves” on a relatively new 8 foot performance egg.

Imagine the legal action her family will take when “Nazaré is known as one of the best beaches in Portugal, and even globally. The source of these perfect large waves is the underwater Nazaré North Canyon, which reaches depths of about 5,000m, creating an ideal destination for any surfer, from novice to expert” pops up on browser search.

Travel agents shaking heads in dismay while pooling money and blaming artificial intelligence/”Jake Howard.”

Rightly so. It’s better if it all goes the way of plastic to-go coffee cup lids in Paris.

Erased from memory and replaced with paper to-go coffee cup lids that leave a nice film on the lips.

Yum.


Mark Zuckerberg (left) and his sworn enemy Elon Musk (right)
Mark Zuckerberg (left) and his sworn enemy Elon Musk (right)

Elon Musk savages Mark Zuckerberg for surfing on the 4th of July

"May he continue to have fun on his yachts. I prefer to work."

Meta chief Mark Zuckerberg brought joy and smiles to all Americans, over the 4th of July weekend, but especially to those who call the surf community home. The humanoid, dressed in a tuxedo whilst holding an American flag and drinking a banquet beer, posted a video of himself pumping the wake of a boat and penned, “Happy Birthday America.”

Surfers everywhere, but especially notable professional ones, immediately jumped in to their good friend Zuck’s feed, fluffing etc. Maui’s Billy Kemper, for example, declared, “Next one in the barrel. I’ll tow you in!” And though the world’s 4th richest man hinted at a serious injury, seemed to be game.

Very impressive to everyone except Elon Musk. The South African inventor has had long running beef with Zuckerberg. Much dislike and, thus, the world’s richest man responded to the clip extremely dismissively, stating on his X, “May he continue to have fun on his yachts. I prefer to work.”

Ouch.

While the multi-billionaire’s dig reverberated, it did not seem to land with the aforementioned notable professional surfers whom did not respond with cloying attempts to be seen on his feed. I would imagine the world’s most notable professional surfer Kelly Slater felt very torn. He has professed admiration for Musk, in the past, though may feel that Zuck has more to offer in the way of fun and yachts.

If you had to be best friends with one of the two, which would you choose?

What if Amazon’s Jeff Bezos is thrown into the mista?

Here in Paris, Match Magazine, “intéressé au fondateur d’Amazon, Jeff Bezos, et son couple avec Lauren Sanchez, celle qui fût sa maîtresse et a précipité son mariage vers le divorce. Le magazine souligne notamment la transformation physique du milliardaire.”

Do you have any thoughts about the world’s 2nd richest man’s “transformation physique?” Turning into a big ol’ muscle?

Notable professional surfers seem to be light in his comments too. Maybe more intimidating than li’l Mark?

More questions than answers, I suppose.


See Stephanie Gilmore’s stunning 60th birthday J-Bay tribute to Tom Curren!

"Perfection," says Kai Lenny.

The eight-time champion of the world Stephanie Gilmore has filed a stunning tribute to old man Tom Curren, who turned sixty on July 3.

The quasi-retired Stephanie Gilmore, who is thirty-six, was in Jeffrey’s Bay for an exhibition event there and inspired by the great Sonny Miller’s 1993 film Searching for Tom Curren, and which featured Curren’s perfectly tuned second ride wave at J-Bay, Stephanie figured she’d have a shot at replicating the still-lauded beauty of Curren’s ride.

She commissioned the same purple and black suit from Rip Curl and a replica 6’6″x18 1/4 x 2 5/16  thruster, complete with its sexy little bonzer channels, from Australian shaper Mark Rabbidge, who made Curren his J-Bay quiver.

“I recently rewatched Searching for Tom Curren and it was more profound this time around than ever before,” writes Stephanie Gilmore. “His surfing, brought to the screen by Sonny Miller, is as timeless a piece of surf film art as there ever could be. So when I booked to go to Jbay this year, I asked @ripcurl to make me a suit that was similar to Tom’s in the film and I asked @mark_rabbidge_surf_design_ to make me the replica board from Tom’s iconic first wave. A 6’6 thruster with glass on fins. Here is a frame grab by @danscotttt from one of the sessions. All I really wanted was to get an image like this. Very simple I suppose. A driving bottom turn on a perfect Jeffrey’s wave. @curfuffle.”

 

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A post shared by Stephanie (@stephaniegilmore)

Kai Lenny described the coupling of Curren’s equipment and Stephanie Gilmore as, simply, “perfection.”

Watch Curren’s wave here.

 


Kelly Slater fails to sell beachfront compound.
Kelly Slater, inset, fails to sell sprawling beachfront compound at Laniakea on Oahu's North Shore.

Kelly Slater fails to sell redundant $20 million beachfront compound on North Shore’s most coveted street!

Fire sale prices hit the North Shore of Oahu!

Real estate is a tough game to play, but few know when to hold and fold better than Kelly Slater whose landholdings span the globe. Three months ago, Slater listed his sprawling Laniakea compound on “the most coveted street on the North Shore” for twenty mill, almost triple what he paid for it seven years earlier.

The reason for the surprise listing is unclear, although maybe the joint, as grand as it is, was more trouble than it was worth. 

An examination of its price history on Zillow reveals Kelly Slater listed it for rent in 2018 for 80k a month, dropped it to 72k in 2019, 59k in 2019 before sitting on 45k in 2020.

No word if anyone actually took up the rental, even at the cut-price rate of 10k a week.

If you didn’t know, Laniakea is a little way off the super highway traffic of Pipeline, Rockies and Sunset. It’s back on the western side of Waimea Bay and is a raw righthand point break that will reward the intrepid surfer who ain’t afraid to brave the paddle that is also home to the less-than-friendly Hawaiian tiger shark. If you like lefts, just around the headland is a joint called Jocko’s.

In summer time, great place to watch turtles cruising the shallows. I once busted a kid’s goggles I swiped in my joy at seeing the happy animals when I tried tofu ’em over my fat head.

Kelly Slater house North Shore Oahu
The surprisingly modest street frontage at Kelly Slater’s Lani’s house.
Kelly Slater house North Shore Oahu
Kelly Slater’s Lani’s house.
Kelly Slater North Shore house
Located on the most coveted street on the North Shore of Oahu, this exclusive beachfront estate is the premier offering in Haleiwa, Hawai’i. Set on an oceanfront lot traversing over a half acre, this compound encompasses elegant living while embracing the barefoot luxury lifestyle of the North Shore.

Anyway, three months on the market and no bites, a reflection, maybe, of its inflated price. It’s interesting to note the previous owner tried to sell it for twenty-two mill almost ten years ago and settled on the almost-eight mill Kelly Slater paid.

Closer to the action around Sunset and Pipe etc, beachfront houses are being sold for fire sale prices after the gov told owners they had to remove their rock retaining walls, and at their own expense.

Check this pretty little house, complete with separate studio, for one-and-a-half-mill.

Cheap, if you don’t mind watching your joint melt into the ocean. 

 


Surf vote abandons Biden after beloved actor Gary Busey posts lively 80th birthday tribute to self

"Angelo Pappas 2024."

It is election day, today, in France and the punditry is calling it one of the most important of the last century. I have no doubt that it might be true with the right leaning Rassemblement National surging much to Macron and his center left Renaissance on the ropes. Tense etc. but one wouldn’t know it ambling through the gorgeous streets whistling La Vie en Rose especially if one is American.

Yes, at least the various French candidates don’t have full blown dementia unlike the staggering octogenarian candidates across the proverbial pond in the United States of America.

There President Joe Biden continues to shed support after his senile debate performance against challenger Donald J. Trump. While the surf vote had been firmly behind the Dark Brandon thanks to a 2020 endorsement from Surfer Magazine, it has just joined the exodus after beloved actor Gary Busey posted a stirring birthday tribute from his 80th.

“It’s my #birthday week! The big 80!” the famous Big Wednesday and Point Break actor penned.

Surfers immediately recognized the energy, the agile mind and compared it to Sleepy Joe’s comatose stare.

“You don’t look a day over 150,” one supporter gushed.

“Angelo Pappas 2024,” another added.

Could the Hollywood star replace Biden on the ballot? It’s anyone’s guess at this point, to be honest.