An absolute mess.

Surfers are many things, including but not limited to grouchy, possessive, generally incoherent but, above all, we are travelers. Few surfers are fortunate enough to live near world-class waves and so we pack board bags, drive to the airport and fly to surf-rich destinations. The worse the waves at home, the more surfers fly and so it should come as no surprise that Britain has an extremely large contingent of traveling surfers.

It might come as one, though, that they are the drunkest fliers in the world.

A damning new study has found that the top five airlines in the world disrupted by boozers are all Jolly England-based.

The worst is EasyJet followed by Ryanair, British Airways, TUI and Jet 2.

Ryanair’s CEO Michael O’Leary, speaking to the Independent’s travel podcast, declared, “We are seeing record numbers. We and most of the airlines around Europe are seeing a spike upwards, particularly this summer, of disgruntled passengers on board. I think the real challenge is: flight delays are up at a record high this summer, so people are spending time in airports drinking before they board the aircraft.”

Especially surfers.

British surfers.

Sitting at Heathrow’s airport bar, staring at photos of Canggu, drinking a double Hendricks and soda, watching the dreaded “delayed” marker flash next to flight, ordering another double Hendricks and soda.

An absolute mess when finally boarding.

But have you had experience with a drunken British surf flier recently?

Describe please.

"I had done ‘Charlie’s Angels’ and there was a lot of conversation around this scene in a bikini..."

The early 2000s were certainly a high water mark for surfing and surf culture. Andy Irons at his very peak, rattling off three straight Association of Surfing Professionals championships in a row thereby forcing Kelly Slater to return from his second of twenty-seven (and counting) retirements. Surf Magazines were relevant and staffed by real boys and girl. Surf brands were worth money, Hurley selling to shoe giant Nike for 95 million actual US dollars (160 mil in today’s numbers). And surf featured lovingly in films like Charlie’s Angels: Full Throttle starring Drew Barrymore, Cameron Diaz and Lucy Liu with guest appearance from the legendary Demi Moore.

Look at Diaz barrel.

Moore, reflecting on the times in a recent interview, declares that walking up the beach in a black bikini, apparently sponsored by Volcom, forced her to struggle with her identity.

“I had done ‘Charlie’s Angels’ and there was a lot of conversation around this scene in a bikini,” she told Interview Magazine, “and it was all very heightened, a lot of talk about how I looked. I didn’t feel like I didn’t belong,” the now 61-year-old clarified. “It’s more like I felt that feeling of, I’m not 20, I’m not 30, but I wasn’t yet what they perceived as a mother.”

Rude the containers women are put into, no? Pierce Brosnan never had to struggle with his identity while playing James Bond nor Clint Eastwood a variety of grumpy men.

Well, Moore seems to have landed on her feet, starring in a new sci-fi film that “follows Hollywood star Elisabeth Sparkle (Moore) as she takes an experimental drug advertised to create a younger version of herself — a clone Sue (Margaret Qualley).”

There for it.

Outrage building...

The peace-loving surf community was rocked to its core, last week, when footage emerged of a surfer being violently thrown to the sand in Belmar, New Jersey after failing to provide police with his “beach badge.” According to the Shore News Network, “The practice of charging for beach access in New Jersey dates back to the 1920s, with towns using the revenue to fund beach maintenance, safety measures, and public services. Despite legal challenges, the New Jersey Supreme Court has upheld the constitutionality of these fees, which have become a fixture in nearly all coastal communities.”

Surfing’s “almost George Floyd moment” quickly went viral, BeachGrit’s Giancarlo Guardascione describing the scene thusly, “The surfer appears to be calm and following orders. What happens next is a move only Conor McGregor could appreciate. A rear-naked choke with enough force to wrangle a Montana bison, thrown down face first to the sand like a beach pylon. It takes six officers to lead the dangerous surfer away.”

Receiving much blowback, the Belmar Police blew right back, Chief Tina Scott stating rules were followed to the letter as the surfer “was not arrested for not having a beach badge. He was arrested because he obstructed the officer’s investigation by refusing to give his identification or pedigree information.”

And also not voluntarily placing his hands behind his back when told.

Well, the police sneer did not close the books on the issue as a second surfer has now been arrested, in protest, and a petition is circulating online demanding the whole “beach badge” business be dropped. The brave dissident sits at the high tide line and just waits for the law to come down upon him. They do, carrying up the sand like a large Buddha figurine to a somewhat embarrassing miniature beach vehicle.

Most importantly, where do you stand on the issue of public protest? Are you the sort to get arrested for the sake of principle or… not?

More as the story develops.