Laird Hamilton, jacked.
Jacked-as-hell Laird Hamilton and X user Eric.

Surf fans rush to defend world’s sexiest over-60 Laird Hamilton after savage daylight attack by “soy boy”

Derek Rielly

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“Dumbest actual sh*t Ive come across on Twitter all year.” 

Last month, the surf star Laird Hamilton, this giant whose truly imposing size is dramatised by his excessively broad shoulders, came out and said what a surprising number of high-profile surfers and even your ol pal DR believe, that sunscreen ain’t so great. 

“If there’s no sun, there’s no life. I solar gaze, I’m into solar gazing. I go early in the morning, when I can, and watch the sun. It affects my whole system. I don’t use sunscreen, never have used sunscreen. I’m not a big fan of sunscreen because it’s stopping my ability to absorb the sun,” said Laird.

Laird described the effects of sun exposure as being very similar to reading BeachGrit, ie, anti-depressive. At the Jewish rehab centre whose facilities I was enjoying yesterday, I was given a lecture about the importance of vitamin D and the importance of getting out in the sun and how a surprising number of people have a vitamin D deficiency ’cause of using too much sunscreen, hanging indoors too much. (The education program is compulsory, part of medical insurance.) I flaunted my crocodile skin and told ‘em I was pretty sure I’m ok. 

Earlier today my attention was drawn to an attack on Laird Hamilton by the X user Eric. SERP Insider who referred to Laird’s position as the, “Dumbest actual shit Ive come across on Twitter all year.” 

Oh 

The throwaway line drew a torrent of fury from Laird’s fans, the sort of anger usually only seen in a peasant who finds an intruder among his grape vines. Classic thing is, they get Eric’s position on the matter totally wrong.

Eric don’t like sunscreen either but finds starting at the sun a little dumb.

Much entertainment.

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New Americans arrive at La Jolla and, inset, Laguna Karen.
New Americans head to new lives in La Jolla and, inset, Laguna Karen protects her turf.

Laguna Beach welcomes first boatload of New Americans in daring midnight landing

Derek Rielly

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"Unless you’re an American Indian, you’re a child or grandchild or great-grandchild of immigrants."

The arrival of New Americans to the shores of southern California has gone from the meanest dribble to a triumphant surge in recent months, bringing the promise of a new cultural richness to the already Utopian land of the free.

These bold and inspiring landings where the New Americans beach their panga boat and head for the hills and new lives in the USA have come ashore at some of the most monied stretches of coast in the US, including La Jolla, Malibu and San Diego. 

You’ll recall six or so months back when Malibu was put into a state of euphoria after a boat filled with twenty-five New Americans disembarked on its privileged shores.

The New Americans scattered once they hit the golden sands of what used to be Chumash lands, and just under the $100-million clifftop compound of chanteuse Barbara Streisand.

The location of the Malibu landing was significant.

In 2019, Streisand, who is a long-time donor to the Democratic Party, criticised Donald Trump for his plans to build a border wall.

“Trump only cares about this ‘wall’ in order to build a monument to himself. Just like the bankrupt ‘Trump’ buildings, the nation cannot afford to pay for his ego – not financially, not morally,” Streisand wrote on X. “Unless you’re an American Indian, you know, you’re a child or grandchild or great-grandchild of immigrants, even the president,” she said.

Wise words as usual from the star of Yentl, a terrific movie about a young Jewish woman, Yentl, in 19th-century Eastern Europe who, after her father’s death, disguises herself as a man to pursue her dream of studying the Talmud. She falls in love with a fellow student, Avigdor, but must navigate her hidden identity and his engagement to another woman. Babs was also fabulous in A Star is Born, where she plays Esther Hoffman, an aspiring singer discovered by aging rock star John Norman Howard (Kris Kristofferson). As Esther’s career rises, John’s declines due to alcoholism. Despite their love, his struggles lead to tragedy, but Esther continues her ascent, honoring his memory.

As I said, terrific, fabulous, must-sees, essential etc.

Anyway, on Monday, lifeguards at Victoria Beach, the prettiest beach in all of Laguna, found an abandoned Panga on its dazzling white sands. Twelve lifejackets and ten fuel cans were found on the boat, the wearers of the life vests long disappeared into their new lives as, perhaps, real estate agents, plastic surgeons or rappers.
It’s been a long, hot, fraught summer for Laguna Beach.
You’ll certainly remember the Laguna Beach surf-artist who roped off a portion of sand in front of her house then screamed expletives at a mother and child daring to trespass.
As well, Laguna Beach locals have been forced to clean up discarded sex toys and empty containers of flavoured Smirnoff vodka from  their famous sands.
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Never trust a World Surf League. Photo: Fear
Never trust a World Surf League. Photo: Fear

In stunning slap, abusive World Surf League omits “Crowner of Champions” Lower Trestles from new sweatshirt ahead of Finals Day

Chas Smith

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Love 'em and leave 'em.

Currently, things could not be going worse for the World Surf League and its relationship with Lower Trestles. Its 2024 Championship Tour season is limping into San Clemente with a forecast so dismal, so sad, that even its forecast partner Surfline is having trouble mustering enough energy to actively lie.

Making matters even more troubling, after three years spent touting the “skate park” as the best place on earth to crown surf champions, the WSL recently pivoted away, deciding next year’s champions at Fiji’s Cloudbreak.

If that was not abusive enough, the “Global Home of Surfing” has just dropped its hottest swag yet, a stone grey hooded sweatshirt with the WSL logo big at the top, a list of its favorite waves underneath.

Banzai Pipeline, Oahu, Hawaii

Sunset Beach, Oahu, Hawaii

Supertubos, Peniche, Portugal

Bells Beach, Australia

Margaret River, Australia

Teahupo’o, Tahiti.

That’s it.

That’s all.

No Lower Trestles, San Clemente, California even though it hosted the inaugural Finals Day and the subsequent two.

Even though small wave wizard Filipe Toledo was crowned twice upon the cobbled stone.

Even though former and disgraced CEO Erik Logan changed the spelling of great to gr8 on Cair Paravel’s stage.

Absolutely cold blooded and Cloudbreak, Tavarua, Fiji should take note of how the World Surf League treats its exes.

Like trash.

Like worse.

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In shot over World Surf League bow, Brothers Gudauskas release scintillating Lowers compilation on eve of Finals Day

Chas Smith

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Welcome to the dark side.

By all accounts, the World Surf League lightly-ballyhooed Finals Day will both commence and wrap tomorrow in what is being called “chest-high” surf. Favorites, on the men’s side, include Italo Ferreira and John Squared Florence. The women’s cup likely lifted by Caroline Marks and her “overscored, metronomic” backside attack.”

But, and again, all surf above the waist, maybe, but below the chin.

Un-serious.

The Brothers Gudauskas, Tanner, Pat and Dane, have long been favorites in our surfing world, adored for their good vibes and smiling faces. But might darkness lurk right underneath those shiny happy visages? In a cruel move not seen since Kelly Slater unveiled his fake wave hours after the hard working li’l plumber Adriano de Souza won his world title, the three have just dropped a scintillating Lowers edit that will certainly overshadow whatever happens on the cobbled stone tomorrow.

I did not think they had the mean in them, to be honest, but am here for this new Dark Gudauskas turn.

Suck it, WSL.

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Debra and Martin Robinson. Photo: 9News
Debra and Martin Robinson. Photo: 9News

Parents of Australian brothers murdered while surfing in Mexico give heart-wrenching first interview

Chas Smith

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"We don't have a family anymore."

The surf world was rocked to its core, last spring, when news came out that two Australian brothers, Callum and Jake Robinson, and their American friend, Jack Carter Rhoad, had been murdered while on a Baja California surf trip. So many travel south, to Mexico’s northernmost peninsula, for warmer waves and better food making the brutal killing that much more visceral.

After having gone missing, Mexican authorities found the burnt pick-up the three had been driving before discovering their bodies pitched into a well at a remote campsite. Four Mexican nationals were soon arrested, the motive described as “a robbery gone wrong.”

Now, for the first time, the Robinson parents are speaking out about the anguish, the torture of losing it all. Martin and Debra sat down for an interview with 9News, Debra saying, “We had these dreams, as every parents do, for their children.”

“And I just wanted them to have a good life. Now, they’re not going to happen and we have to readjust to that, that fact we don’t have a family anymore,” Martin added, heartbreakingly

Callum, 33, and Jake, 30, were both ambitious, talented and successful. Callum a member of Australia’s national lacrosse team, Jake set to start working in a hospital in Geelong. Through the tragedy, hundreds of people donated money to the family, some $500,000 USD raised. The parents have set up a charity to be used for people wanting to go into sport or medicine.

“Something that we learnt about our children which has become more apparent is that they really encouraged other people, so we are hoping that the money will be used to encourage other people to pursue what they need to,” Marin closing at the end.

Impossible to imagine this pain.

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Photo: Steve Sherman/@tsherms
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