“Desert of cool” stretches on for beleaguered surfers after 36-year-old quarterback Kirk Cousins goes swag surfin

"Now THAT'S surfing!"

There was a time, and not terribly long ago, when surfers sat upon the apex of Mt. Cool. Oakley Razorblades around eyes, Webz on hands, Gotcha jams covering thighs and Flojo sandals on toes. Everyone wanting to be them, nobody able to imitate. Sportos, motorheads, geeks, sluts, bloods, wasteoids, dweebies, dickheads all clamoring for some of that surfer spice. Surfers starred as desirable studs and stud-ettes in top rated sitcoms, ruled the sand and the sea.

A seemingly infinite Hot Summer Night.

Alas, nothing is forever and surfers fell hard from the perch into the desert where pickleballers once roamed and there they have been ever since.

Hope springs that someday a surfer will come along who’s rad, once again, but until then, we are all forced to watch a 36-year-old quarterback steal the shine once ours by going Swag Surfin. The song, released in 2009, has become an anthem for many professional football teams including Atlanta’s Falcons and, after their stunning overtime win last evening, midwesterner Kirk Cousins Swag Surfed along with the crowd.

Announcers declaring, “Now THAT’S surfing!”

Watch here.

But how long, do you imagine, will this desolation stretch on? Will we see another cool surfer in our lifetimes?

Caitlin Simmers, we turn our lonely eyes to you.