Jamie Brisick (left) maybe immortalized. Photo: Single Lady
Jamie Brisick (left) maybe immortalized. Photo: Single Lady

Comedian Ali Wong describes amorous encounter with mystery “60-year-old former professional surfer!”

Who could it possibly be? Help!

I came into the house, last evening, after a run to the grocery store to find my wife watching Ali Wong’s Single Lady comedy special whilst preparing dinner. I have chuckled along with the diminutive Chinese-American-Vietnamese’s brash, often crass, jokes before so paused to listen. She had apparently become divorced, recently, and was strutting around stage in a white, flowing, ankle-length dress spittin’ funnies about dating, sex, etc. when she came to a recent date she had with an unnamed 50-year-old former professional surfer.

My ears perked right up.

She described how they met on a dating application but when he showed up he was clearly 60, not 50, though was apologetic over it. She detailed that he had extremely blue eyes and like surf sleuths everywhere, my mind began racing. 60-year-old former professional surfer with blue eyes. 60-year-old former professional surfer with blue eyes covered in what she called “glaucoma” but was for near certain pterygium.

Kelly Slater is the only name I could conjure but this has to be an easy one, no? 60-year-old former professional surfer living in Southern California with blue eyes and pterygium.

I came up with Jamie Brisick too, actually.

Wait.

Is it actually Brisick?

Whoa!

But you have to be surf sleuthier than me. There are other details in the special, if I recall it comes mid way, and maybe you can watch that bit before Tyson vs. Paul. David Lee Scales and I discussed both cultural events on today’s weekly chat, anyhow, along with stories of Chris Isaak being a core lord and sweat dripping down Mark Zuckerberg’s naughty bits.

What a wicked thing.

Listen here.

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Jack Robinson (pictured) holding a stick.
Jack Robinson (pictured) holding a stick.

Surf fans praise World Surf League for comedic timing after release of “annual purpose and impact report”

"These are exactly the laughs a hurting and divided country needs right now..."

Donald J. Trump has now been president-elect of these United States for over a week, though hurt feelings and acrimony continue to percolate in many circles. Republicans harboring resentment about being called “fascists” and “bros” while Democrats still wandering around in disbelief that their hand-picked candidate Kamala Harris got trounced.

A unifying comedy routine more necessary than ever.

The much-needed belly laugh did arrive but from the most unexpected of sources.

Our World Surf League.

Yesterday, while partisans shook fists at each other over Matt Gaetz and Tulsi Gabbard, the “global home of surfing” quietly released its annual “Purpose and Impact Report.”

Some highlights:

-WSL One Ocean creates opportunities for athletes to engage with local communities and organizations during various impact projects throughout the year.

-Since 2018, the WSL has measured, reduced, and offset emissions from the WSL Championship Tour and WSL operations. In total, from 2018 through 2023, the WSL has offset 29,067 tonnes of CO2 emissions (mtCO2e), which is equivalent to planting and growing 480,625 trees for 10 years (EPA).

-This year, the United Nations Environmental Program recognized WSL One Ocean as an Actor for the UN Decade on Ecosystem Restoration.

-“Connecting the world’s surfers and their fans with other like-minded actors and opportunities has tremendous power in scaling up restoration waves and actions for our ocean and coastline ecosystems.”

– In 2025, WSL One Ocean aims to deepen its environmental efforts, strengthen support for ocean advocates, and empower coastal communities. 

Abu Dhabi, here we come!

LOL.

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Kelly Slater and Tulsi Gabbard
Kelly Slater and Tulsi Gabbard, the meaty bit in a wild US election sandwich.

Surfing community jubilant as Kelly Slater BFF Tulsi Gabbard elevated to head of National Intelligence

"I know Tulsi will bring the fearless spirit that has defined her illustrious career to our Intelligence Community."

If you’ll remember, the Harris-Waltz ticket was destroyed two months before its November 6 trouncing when Kelly Slater was photographed posing with Trump advisor Tulsi Gabbard outside Khalil Rafati’s Sun Life Organics in Las Vegas, where Kelly was attending UFC Noche.

Slater’s pivot delivered millions of middle-aged male votes to the Republican Party headed by popular television star and businessman Donald Trump.

Tulsi Gabbard had long been a sword in the side of the AGP-friendly, no-borders-for-all Democratic Party. She claimed the supposed party of the Quaker progressive was under control of  an “elitist cabal of warmongers” and driven by what she said was “cowardly wokeness.” Tulsi wasn’t real hot on its leaders being coy on Islamic terrorism, either. 

Tulsi Gabbard’s political career began in 2002 when she was elected to the Hawaii House of Representatives, becoming the youngest person ever elected at 21.

Gabbard later served in the Hawaii Army National Guard, deploying to Iraq and Kuwait, and became the first female combat vet in Congress after her election to the U.S. House of Reps in 2013.

In August, Gabbard, a common sense centrist who supports native rights in the US, but ain’t afraid to call Islamic terrorism what it is, threw her political muscle behind Donald Trump, a move that highlighted the parlous state of the Dems.

On Wednesday, Tulsi was appointed as Director of National Intelligence by President-elect Donald Trump, the new prez writing:

“For over two decades, Tulsi has fought for our Country and the freedoms of all Americans. I know Tulsi will bring the fearless spirit that has defined her illustrious career to our Intelligence Community, championing our Constitutional Rights, and securing Peace through Strength. Tulsi will make us all proud!”

Tulsi Gabbard and Kelly Slater meet up next week for a celebrity Green Beret Tactical Challenge.

Kelly Slater and Tulsi Gabbard.
Tulsi Gabbard and Kelly Slater, together again.

Do you believe important matters of state will be discussed tween the pair, Slater sharing important intelligence gleaned from his years on Instagram?

And, given Slater’s environmental bona fides, able to turn deserts into pretend oceans, sandals made from turtle dreams etc, might there even be a role for the 11-time Champ in the new administration?

Heady days.

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North County San Diego surfers (right) react to impending doom.
North County San Diego surfers (right) react to impending doom.

Sea serpents considered “symbol of impending doom” wash up on North County San Diego beaches!

Surfers, terrified, locking themselves indoors and weeping uncontrollably.

North County San Diego surfers should, by all rights, be overjoyed today. A spot of swell has finally arrived to a region starved of waves for the better part of three months. The sun, to make matters even more theoretically happy, is shining and the crows are cawing. But North County San Diego surfers are not overjoyed today. They are, instead, curled up in the fetal position, indoors with all lights off, curtains drawn, awaiting a very ominous fate.

The abject terror has nothing to do with Donald J. Trump’s ascension to the highest office in the land nor does it have to do with excessive concern of what will happen to Tyler Wright if she choses to surf in the Abu Dhabi Pro come February 2025.

No, the mental duress stems from the otherworld. Two wildly rare sea serpents have washed up on two beaches, La Jolla and Encinitas’ Grandview just one month apart. Deep sea dwelling oarfish that are considered “symbols of impending doom” in Japanese folklore.

The bad omens are both over 10 feet long and look like the Matt Gaetz his very self with weirdly pinched faces and a fire red mohawk traveling from tip to tail.

Yikes.

Only 25 oarfish have ever been spotted, dead or alive, in Southern California over 100 years.

Ben Frable, Scripps’ Institute of Oceanography fish expert and a museum scientist, declared, “We took samples and froze the specimen awaiting further study and final preservation in the Marine Vertebrate Collection. Like with the previous oarfish, this specimen and the samples taken from it will be able to tell us much about the biology, anatomy, genomics and life history of oarfishes.”

He also surmised the reason for the beachings “may have to do with changes in ocean conditions and increased numbers of oarfish off our coast. Many researchers have suggested this as to why deep-water fish strand on beaches. This wash-up coincided with the recent red tide and Santa Ana winds last week but many variables could lead to these strandings.”

All fine and re. the science, or whatever, but what about the impending doom?

Ben Gravy moving to town?

A Jamie O’Brien Surf Experience popping up at Stonesteps?

Chris Cote deciding to turn full negative?

Help!

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$5 million hopes for Mick Fanning’s surf-and-skate beach shack after house goes viral online!

"The perfect place to escape, exhale, and rejuvenate. A sleek yet soulful sanctuary."

Three years back, Mick Fanning threw what seemed to be an insane sum, three mill, on a joint off the beach and near the Coolangatta flight path in what is usually considered to be pretty down-at-heel Tugun.

Mini ramp at 5 Faz Drive, Tugun.

The beach house at 5 Farrell Drive, Tugun, click if you want to examine more photos of it, backs onto a bird sanctuary, has an indoor skate ramp and a indoor-outdoor pool, and was a hot target for buyers in an already over-heated market when Mick Fanning bought it.

Mick Fanning beach shack
Since buying the joint, Mick has turned brown wood into white!

Three mill for a house a ten-minute walk from the beach and with big silver birds flying over it? Five years ago, you’d be stretched to catch a clueless interstate buyer willing to shovel a million bucks in its direction.

Oh but the times do change in the land of the great property bubble.

From the agent’s sale’s spiel,

This is it – the perfect place to escape, exhale, and rejuvenate. A sleek yet soulful sanctuary, it’s where you can disconnect from the chaos of daily life and reconnect with yourself and your family in privacy.

Tucked away on a 1269m2 block, a wildlife wonderland with turtles, swans, and pelicans awaits, complemented by 51m of creek frontage. Bathed in endless natural light, it invites you to relax in style or cook up a feast in the gourmet kitchen, complete with designer appliances. Enjoy this tranquil outlook everyday from an elevated alfresco deck, which seamlessly connects with an open-plan kitchen, living, and dining area indoors. Sit and gaze at the moonlight from your balcony while the kids enjoy the huge backyard. You would be lucky to ever find another flat 1269m2 block this close to the ocean, only made possible by a historical aquastiion from a neighbour of addition land.

North-facing and endlessly captivating, contemporary elegance and functionality seamlessly co-exist over one single level. Custom windows ensure the lush and leafy outlook is only ever a glance away too, while low-maintenance finishes, such as the imported kiln dried panels, equals more time for family and fun. You don’t have to go far either to indulge your playful side,with a fully functional indoor half pipe here. 

Earlier today, PropTrack data revealed the house is currently the most viewed real estate listing in Queensland. And Fanning, who has ten million bucks worth of real estate on the southern GC, is hoping to ride what might be the last wave of the boom and slice off a two-mill profit, less capital gains tax, stamp duty, realtor fees and so on.

The joint goes to auction on November 23.

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