Rude.
I apologize to you for my lack of production here lately. I am currently in the studio recording the audiobook version of the award-nominated Welcome to Paradise, Now Go to Hell. It is brutal. Brutal to read aloud for hours upon hours a day in a dark box. Brutal to read my own words, penned nearly a decade ago, and not be able to edit them or provide updated caveats. Brutal to hear my own voice saying uncouth things.
I made ruthless fun of many people in the surf industry from Graham Stapelberg to Dusty Payne to world champion surfer Mick Fanning.
As we all now know, Mick is a saint. One of the most well-loved figures in all of Australia with legions of adoring fans. But I wrote and wrote and wrote about his “dull face” and “boring fashion” and “bland chipped-tooth’d smile” over and over and over.
I have zero adoring fans and deservedly so. I am rude. I am a bully.
But maybe just maybe my early bullying helped prepare Mick Fanning to face the mental torture he is currently dealing with?
As you recall, Mick was brutalized by a shark during a professional surf contest in South Africa five years ago. The most viral moment in our small world.
Very scary and haunting him still but do his pals care for his needs?
No.
According to Mick, who appeared recently on The Kyle and Jackie O Show, his so-called friends prank him often, pretending there is a shark in the water. “It still took me about a year or so to get through my PTSD. Even still, I’m very wary of what’s in the ocean. People splash behind me, I freak out. My mates do it to me all the time.”
The host asked, “Does anyone ever yell ‘Shark! Shark!’ when you’re out there? And do you think, listen, don’t do that?”
Mick responded sadly, “Yeah there’s a few here that do that.”
Horribly rude and unnecessarily mean but might Mick have the tools in his emotional toolbox to deal with this relentless onslaught thanks to an unlovable surf journalist?
Possibly?
More as the story develops.
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Wurds ups miy broo. Perphicaly pute.
Oh Jeezus. The missed opportunity to caption that video as the Chas vs. Ashton SIMA Stink lead to a real life head slap.
Winner winner chicken dinner !
Lovely to see them liberating themselves from …..clothes for Kong .
when you were a stay at home dad, did you get invited to any Tupperware parties?
Still am … show me the rubber or the plastic or the latex !
Gorilla toss @ San Diego zoo
That is not a great white dorsal fin , possibly a bullshark though.
Nothing like stepping in dog shit then opening your beer bottle with a dog shit covered flip flop
I saw some cheap imitations in Big W which at least had the sense to place the bottle opener on top of the fabric strap.
Any blogpost that begins with “I Apologize” is horseshit.
Anybody hear about the protesters at the zoo?
Can you have actors playing the roles of the characters in the book? Never read it so don’t know the scenes. Jay Adams and Perry Dane taking over backdoor and V Land, or you don’t go that deep?
perry dane splashed me at backdoor 15 years ago for nothing. i could have worked him, considering he is a midget and he cant scrap and im a 6’2 Aryan god. but then again i wanted to keep surfing the place. so i did nothing. i felt like a bitch. thats when i finally respected Koby aberton for not backing down to Johny Boy that one time.
this may have nothing to do with this article, but I’d like to go on record and say Joe Turpel, I like him, and I like his commentary and appreciate his low key vibe; laid back and understated with a couple colorful lines thrown in here and there
just wanted to get that off my chest
Jesus Christ, and people say it’s easy to set me off!
I love each and every line of his.
Me too! In fact, I saw some “wildlife” in the water today,!
If he’d lose the drippy repetition and sycophantic praise, the commercial banality.
Yeah I’d like him too.
And referring to a foam climb as if it’s a maneuver even worth mentioning.
In his defense there are foam climbs … horizontal ( absolute beginner ) and foam climbs straight up at 12 0’Clock which sometimes are the only possible maneuver on a certain type of section ?
nah, that’s what I like, I grew up listening to baseball on the radio, and I still appreciate that slower approach
Joe “Sin Sully” Turpel
I respect that
I respect your love of Joe …. he is possibly an acquired taste ….. like vegemite or Norwegian Fermented Shark ?
or genital mutilation. FairPlay if its your thing but its not for me
if baseball on the radio is anything like cricket on the radio then I would have to disagree. there is something extremely relaxing about the long pauses, a certain calm in the lack of dialogue. Joe dose not possess this trait.
That’s below the belt, frank !
Naaaaa, he takes a fair bit guff here on BG, and I just don’t mind backing an underdog!
Mick is so fucken boring. Not sure what he offers.
Solid rail game is all I’ve ever wanted from Mick. He delivered.
“A solid rail(ing)… is all I’ve ever wanted from Mick. He delivered”. Shocking how surf journalists will twist your very words with selective sound bites eh negs? Dunno how you hang out with this mob!!
Glad you’re back on form Offy.
Yep his rail game is insane. His personal life gets a lot of attention. It’s perplexing.
Seems so easy to be well known in Australia. Not much competition. Almost attacked by a shark, stalked by a women with teeth the size of piano keys and you are a celebrity.
And 3 world titles , taken before Slater was bald …. well almost
Agree , over rated and even more so now that he is a has been.
I forgot that he was once the world champion.
Thrice!
nice usage.
Do people yell shark.. What the fuck!? Heaps funny cunts. Keep hanging out with the brain dead Mad Huey wankers and that’ll happen I guess.
That’s the equivalent of fire in a theatre and should be punished accordingly. As if needed another reason to bash Kyle Sandipants next time I see him.
What’s more upsetting to me is he went on the Kyle & Jackie O Show
Serious lack of taste
And a lack of ‘tegridy ?
Tegridy tegridy tegridy farms…
Oh man. That season was good
At least he gives an alternative to the soul crushing social warrior nightmare that is our ABC
Why would he do that? A show hosted by bogans for bogans.
That reminds me my mate Steve from Fresno we shared a house for a year or two while studying and used to stand around in the back yard drinking and carrying on and his big thing was to say in his broadest Aussie accent could manage “The dingo took my baby!” This is after a few cans of course and he’d stare at me with a glint in his eye and I’d raise an eyebrow and take a step back and he’d say it again more forcefully: THE DINGO TOOK MY BABY!!! Yeah me and Steve haven’t stayed in touch but I’ll never forget him
Ahh Lindy Chambo. The dingo really did eat her bub. So the courts say.
Is there auto tune for the spoken word?
Curious
I took a sample of Chas’ voice and applied autotune through an audio interface using a downloadable patch on my DAW.
https://www.youtube.com/wat…
oh my god, the likeness is uncatty!
apologies.
cute article,
ya made me wanna share, hahaha!
yell “SHARK”?
I most alwayz do, unless i just giggle when i see this, below, happen here in L.A.
https://www.youtube.com/wat…
There is no humor like Aussie humor!
There’s a you in humor. We spell it humyour. Oh never mind.
Yuma
The history of American spelling is interesting.
Believe it or not it all came down to money.
How so? I notice they never expanded a word, only shortened, very aussie of em really.
Haha, it was newspaper advertising and headlines, each character had a monetary value so they sold their souls to the devil.
Budget cuts have led to some shoddy journalis
The color of money ?
Goodonya Ric Tic .
Perfect
I beg to differ. Scottish humour is unequalled.
Bullies
Laugh at
Mick…
I thought the Aussies think his a cunt for always dropping in on kids?
If he can’t handle some splashes from friends, not sure he could handle BG comments. And Chas, isn’t the point of an audiobook to get more people to engage the product? Won’t your reading voice make people less likely to drop the Kindle bucks for it?
Wait until you here me mangle Australian accents, Hawaiian Pidgin and French!
Are you doing a Hasidic lilt when you do your Eddie Rothman impersonation?
I do love hearing an American attempting the Australian accent.
The dingo took my baby!
Oh man. I might actually buy it then!
I’d be terrible, just forever trying to get sneaky farts into the mix.
As a fellow linguist I believe it’s “hear” and not “here”.
Hear has Ear in it !
It also has a “he”.
So misogynistic.
https://youtu.be/j8V_TANCjaM
“…don’t you ever, ever call me a bully…”