Eli Anderson (pictured) shredding whilst malingering
dolphin (insert) awaits opportunity.
Australian surfer breaks pelvis after gang
of dolphins brutally assails him in lineup
By Chas Smith
"It's their domain, not mine. The dolphins won -
and I'm ok with that."
Australian surfers are well aware of shark
dangers all along their fatal shore. Man-eating beasts
stopping at nothing to taste human flesh, government officials even
sometimes accused of aiding and abetting the pillage. But a new,
heretofore not imagined, horror has presented in the form of the
friendly dolphin.
But let us not tarry. Let us hustle to Emerald Beach, midway up
the New South Welsh coast where the tradesman Eli Anderson, 20, was
enjoying a surf at the very end of December. Weather hot, sun
shining, disaster lurking. A pod of 2o, or so, dolphins was out
fishing and went food berserk, catching the almost young man up in
their frenzy.
“They came from nowhere and one of their fins sliced my board,”
he declared to the universally appreciated Daily Mail
Australia. “I was knocked off and then knocked out so
I don’t remember much until I was washed up on to the beach. As I
came around, I started to count my limbs and checked for blood. I
was in a lot of pain but also so confused, because I thought it
must have been a shark attack.”
While his limbs were intact, his pelvis was not.
Busted at the seam.
His father, mercifully, was on the beach after catching a wave
in and shared that he had seen sharks in the area before but “never
thought dolphins would be a problem.”
The pelvis break, anyhow, will take two weeks to heal and the
young-ish Anderson is expecting to get back in the water
directly.
“It’s taken me a long time to process it really, but nothing
could stop me surfing,” he said. “It’s their domain, not mine. The
dolphins won – and I’m ok with that.”
A few questions I have about this wild tale. Two, actually.
1. I have seen folk getting knocked out and washed up on shore
in movies but have never read about it happening in real life. Is
possible without drowning?
2. A crumbled pelvis only takes two weeks to heal?
More as the story develops.
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Zuck gives foil-hell to Hawaiian outer reef and, inset,
announces his pivot right on Joe Rogan.
Insane scenes as tech chameleon Mark
Zuckerberg foil-surfs 20-foot Hawaiian waves!
By Derek Rielly
"Send it!" says Zuck!
The tech billionaire Mark Zuckerberg, once the plaything
of the left-leaning Biden admin and an avatar of the soft bellied
liberal man, has pivoted hard right after being inducted
into manhood via surfing,
jiujitsu and kick
boxing.
“A lot of the corporate world is pretty culturally neutered,”
says Zuck, of his transformation. “I have three sisters, no
brothers, and three daughters, and no sons. I’ve been surrounded by
women my whole life. The masculine energy is good. Society has
plenty of that, but corporate culture is really trying to get away
from it. I think having a culture that celebrates aggression a bit
more has its own merits that are positive and having a thing (MMA)
that I can do with my guy friends is good.
“The intent on all these things is good. If you’re a woman going
into a company, it may feel like it’s too masculine and that
there’s systems that are set up against you — but I think these
things can always go a little far. It’s one thing to say we want to
create a welcoming environment for everyone, and its another thing
to say that masculinity is bad and its toxic and we need to get rid
of it.
“Both of these things are good. You want masculine and feminine
energy. But I do think the corporate culture has swung towards
being a neutered thing.
“I didn’t feel this until I got involved in martial arts. It
just turned on a part of my brain that made me say okay, this was a
piece of the puzzle that should have been there, and I’m glad it
now is.”
His masculine energy was on full display with a foil-surf sesh
near his Kauai home recently. Although Zuck, who is forty, is
careful to remove himself from the waves well before they break he
still managed to gather enough clips to thrill a who’s who of
surfing.
“We on for Jaws next week?” – Kai Lenny
“Bomb.” – Italo Ferreira.
“Hell yeah. Charging, bro.” – Zeke Lau
“Looks like a blast.” – Jamie O’Brien
The times are a-changing, as they say.
For better or worse? Dick or pussy?
I’m of the former camp although won’t be surprised if it turns
out to be the latter.
Derek Rielly (left) with Bob Hawke. | Photo: Richard
Freeman
Surf media legend Derek Rielly appears on
world’s most popular surf podcast!
By Chas Smith
Core Lord.
Derek Rielly is a multi-hyphenate artist.
Author, editor, creator, award-winning across all. The only issue
with his constellation of talent is that he does not particularly
enjoy, or lean into, self-promotion. Difficult, then, to find a
spot to hear, or read, the literary giant reflecting upon his own
life.
Jed Smith, one half of the world’s most popular surf podcast
Ain’t That Swell, must have sensed the gaping Derek Rielly-sized
hole in the space and took it upon himself to fill it with an
episode of “Core Lords.”
It is a brilliant 2-plus hours. The two discuss surf media
history, meandering down memory lanes of Australian Surfing Life,
Surf Europe, Waves and Stab. There is forays into the writing
craft, Malcolm X, the current state of politics and the years when
Jamie O’Brien was a rock star.
Smith is a deft interviewer, guiding the delightful conversation
which, to borrow from Rielly himself, is truly essential.
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Fears mount John John Florence will sit out
season after longtime coach Ross Williams announces retirement
By Chas Smith
"We live in an awesome world and an even better
community. That is our surf world."
The 2025 World Surf League Championship Tour is
but days away from the opening hooter and while surf fans should be
celebrating the return of professional competitive surfing, a bleak
pall has taken hold. First, the generational talent Gabriel Medina
announced that he would be forced to sit out much, if not all, of
the year after suffering an injury to his pectoral muscle.
And as if the loss of the Dark Knight was not enough, a worse
fear is materializing.
John John Florence calling it all off.
Worry took hold at the end of the 2024 season, one in which the
former prodigy took home his third trophy but was cagey afterward,
hinting it might be his last. Those anxieties have only, since,
entrenched with various rumors suggesting the preternatural talent
was hanging it up culminating, moments ago, with the announcement
of Florence’s longtime coach Ross Williams’s retirement.
The Momentum Generation stud took to Instagram in order to
declare:
Just wanted to give a shout out to my tour partners last
year. Thank you so much for all the memories. @john_john_florence
@tatiwest and @bettylou.sakura.johnson , I really appreciate you
guys putting trust in me and allowing me to be part of your
journey. We’ve had some amazing results Along the way. These last
10 years was an exceptional learning life experience. John, winning
his third world title last year was definitely a highlight. But
also Tati fighting her way through to finishing third in the world
in the finals was epic. Betty Lou you’re at the very beginning of
your journey and I’m so happy that I was there along the way
through your formable years. You have a big future. And for anyone
curious out there, I’m gonna continue my coaching in 2025 and
beyond. But 2024 was always gonna be a very big year for me that
included traveling to every single event. But it’s not sustainable
for me as far as balancing my career with my family life. It’s too
much time away from my precious family. So I will continue
coaching, but will focus more of my work here out of Hawaii.
Surfing is my love. It’s my everything. It’s what makes me wake up
in the morning. It’s what intrigues me. I will always revolve my
life around surfing and coaching is a big part of that. I have a
lot invested into Luke and finn and Tama as well and will continue
working with them on their journeys! I’m sure I’ll pick up more
surfers along the way. What really intrigues me is the technical
aspect of surfing so I will be open to taking on surfers at the
highest levels as well as recreational surfers to help them fulfill
their goals and being the best surfers they can be. My good friend
@gregsworld did an interview with me a couple years back. You can
see the geekiness and how psyched I am on surfing and coaching. We
live in an awesome world and an even better community. That is our
surf world. I feel so Appreciative to be part of it. Also, I
wouldn’t be able to do any of this without my lovely wife, Jennifer
Williams. She’s my rock, my everything. And I’m excited to be at
home with her in 2025!
Florence, it must be assumed, done too.
I’d bet that the former towhead surfs Pipeline then waves
goodbye before being party to fellow tour surfer Tyler Wright’s
possible execution in Abu Dhabi the following month.
Will the loss of Medina and Florence, in their prime, be enough
to dampen your excitement or is the specter of Filipe Toledo
chickening out, again, enough to keep you engaged?
David Lee Scales and I discuss during this week’s episode of The
Grit! which also just so happens to be chock full of manly talk.
Worth a listen unless you are Justin Baldoni.
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South Australian surfer and fisherman Jeff Schmucker
gutting sharks on his daddy's boat, aged eight, and inset, big
Great White on his stern.
Surfers told to avoid South Australia’s
west coast until “strong shark mitigation in place.”
By Derek Rielly
"From Fowler’s Bay to Port Lincoln it’s the worst
place in the world to go surfing. And it’s getting
worse.”
For the past fifteen years the Streaky Bay fisherman and
surfer Jeff Schmucker has been trying to get a pretty simple
message across – the population of Great Whites on South
Australia’s west coast has blown out and there’ll come a point in
the real near future when surfing will become unsustainable for
anyone who isn’t thrilled with the idea of being disappeared by a
Great White.
In 1999, Australia declared
the Great White “vulnerable”and made it illegal to hunt or harass
the fish
Since then,
RIP surfers Peter Edmonds, Tadashi Nakahara, Rob Pedretti, Mani
Hart-Deville, Mark Sanguinetti, Tim Thompson, Nick Slater, Cameron
Bayes, Jean Wright, Nick Peterson, Simon Baccanello, Todd Gendle,
Khai Cowley, Lance Appleby, Brad Smith, Nick Edwards, Kyle Burden,
Ben Linden, Chris Boy, Ben Gerring, Laeticia Brouwer and Andrew
Sharpe.
I’d written a similar piece shortly after the attack but
Schmucker would be real grateful if I could get it out there that,
if you want to surf on South Australia’s west coast, your odds of
being killed are going to be dramatically shortened.
Schmucker knows these waters.
He first started fishing out of Streaky Bay with his Daddy back
in the early seventies when he was eight. He knew how to gut a
shark by the time he was nine and before he was in double figures
he was sitting on the stern of the family trawler pulling in bronze
whalers.
Jeff Schmucker, eight years old, guts a
shark.
He adores his coastline, calls it one of the most unique in the
world with its six estuaries, dodge tides, shallow
water sea grasses, its wild offshore fishing. He says pole-fishing
for tuna in the raw as hell Great Australian Bight is “one of the
most electrifying methods for excitement and action.”
Jeff Schmucker giving a big South Oz right-hander
hell.
Schmucker says the latest attack has left Streaky Bay even more
traumatised than usual.
“The kids are reeling, there’s all sorts of emotional stuff
going on. Everyone’s fucking upset and not sleeping. And fair
enough. I didn’t sleep for the first few days. I was waking up in
the night with the logistics of it, the reality of it. It’s fucking
brutal. The kids who were there are thinking of it. They can see
the blood splashing in the water. It’s firmly in their
minds.”
“I lay awake at night wondering whether his bones are still
inside the shark
and where is the shark,” Katrina told the Port Lincoln Times in
2001. “If only we could get that shark and get the body. It sounds
gross, but it’s no more gross than getting than
getting a body out of a wrecked car.”
The day before Jevan was killed, New Zealander Cameron Bayes was
dragged off his board and killed by a Great White at Cactus, a
couple of hundred k’s away along the same coast.
“And she tells me, ‘Jeff you got do something about it.’ It’s
fucked. It’s still raw.”
Schmucker says, “I don’t want people to be hurt. It’s not the
people who are eaten, they’re gone, it’s the impact on the
communities in the surfing world. It really hits people
hard.”
Still, surfers continue to roll the dice. A few days ago,
surfers were chased out of the water by a Great White at Caves, a
surf spot a couple of hundred k’s west of Streaky Bay.
“These people think they can surf Cactus with twenty people and
be safe. They’re fucking dreaming. From Fowler’s Bay to Port
Lincoln it’s the worst place in the world to go surfing. And it’s
getting worse.”
Schmucker says he doesn’t want to be the boy that cried wolf,
but at the same time he’s a realist. He hears what the government,
what surf lifesaving has to say, that it’s all anecdotal, no hard
evidence, but he has almost fifty years in the water down there, in
the surf and on boats.
If you didn’t know, all longline and gill net commercial
fishermen have had a HD camera on their boats for the last fifteen
years.
“And it’s all kept on a hard drive. Fifteen years of data,” says
Schmucker. “Every time there’s an interaction with a threatened
species you have to put it in the log book. All that data is there
and that data will be conclusive in the growth of the (Great White)
population, all these Whites from three footers to twenty footers
entailed in the fishing gear.”
He says the roll call of surfers dying is hard to
take.
“I feel a little responsible for surfing in South Australia. If
I don’t say what I think, there’s going to be so much tragedy in
people’s lives. In the late nineties, we were down to seeing one or
two Pointers a year.”
So, what can you do about it?
“Two things. Section 79 of the Fisheries Act allows for the
destruction of a shark that has killed someone. If it was the same
shark, and it’s a possibility, that ate Todd last year and got
Lance this year, and they’ve got both boards so they get the DNA,
the shark needs to be killed on the same day. You need to kill a
rogue shark. Second, look into monitoring all sharks over ten foot.
The little ones are eating fish. Tagging is easy. Maneaters come to
you. But you gotta burley up. Give us a sea lion, shoot one of em
between the eyes or electrocute it, and you’ll have more Pointers
than you can point a stick at.”
“Listen,” says, Schmucker,
“This about saving lives, saving people from lifetime traumatic
experiences. You don’t go to a game park and get out of the car and
walk around. People put the blinkers on with surfing. I was
addicted to surfing like no other cunt on the planet, surfing from
when the surf came up to when it went down. But if you’re surfing
here on the Eyre Peninsula, be a fucking realist. You shouldn’t be
going in the water until there’s some strong mitigation in
place.”
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Jon Pyzel and Matt Biolos by
@theneedforshutterspeed/Step Bros