Maui hellboy describes nightmare tumble
after Jaws wipeout goes viral!
By Chas Smith
"Casual whiplash."
The wipeout and kickout are two of the most
beloved surfing moves to those who don’t participate in this our
sport of kings. But who could forget the “Image of the Games”
wherein one Gabriel Medina kicked out of a Teahupo’o wave and
pointed a finger to the sky during this past summer’s Paris
Olympiad? The snap raced around the world, appearing on newspaper
front pages and garnering billions upon billions of views and likes
and shares etc.
Very cool.
But now, and certainly cooler, we have underground Maui charger
Ty Simpson-Kane wiping out on a Jaws beast and going viral
himself.
The 20-year-old was out at the big wave magnet on the day of the
Eddie, though according to Hawaii News Now, had no idea that he
himself was about to go viral.
The sun was shining, Hawaiian honeycreepers chirping, and
Simpson-Kane swinging on a bomb before cartwheeling down its
face.
But how did this nightmare feel?
The young man describes for all of us, sharing, “It’s almost as
if you’re doing 80 in your car on the highway and then hitting a
brick wall. And when I hit the water, it knocked the wind out of
me, so I was doing those cartwheels down the face of the wave with
no air in my lungs.”
Once finished rag-dolling, he pulled his rip cord and shot to
the surface, suffering what he described as “casual whiplash.”
Now, while most would have called it a day after taking such a
beating, Simpson-Kane made his way back out into the lineup and
continued to surf until he wrangled a beast and rode to completion.
But how did he find the verve? “I like to just go into the darkest
part of my brain and just shut everything off,” he says.
A BeachGrit commenter in the making.
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Surfer Lance Appleby, killed by a Great White shark in
South Australia, the fourth fatality in the region in less than two
years.
“Surfing over” in South Australia, says
expert, as Great White population explodes
By Derek Rielly
"Great Whites are back to pre-white man biomass –
the breeding biomass is strong and the numbers have increased."
Jeff Schmucker, who is fifty-eight, and the daddy of local
ripper Josiah Schmucker, both of ‘em famous for their tow-in
exploits, has told the Australian Associated Press the population
of Great White sharks has “exploded” and has made surfing a risk no
one should take.
“Get yourself a jet ski and start tow surfing,” Schmucker said.
“Other than that, stop surfing on the west coast of South
Australia, period – the next one could be this afternoon… My kids
are surfing up at Cactus (Beach, near Penong) at the moment and
it’s like, ‘Get the fuck out of the water and start thinking about
doing something else’, because this is over here.”
Lance’s death at Granites yesterday follows the killing of Todd
Gendle at the same spot last October, of fifteen-year-old Khai
Cowley at Ethels last December and school teacher Simon Baccanello
at Elliston last May.
“I think Great Whites are back to pre-white man biomass – the
breeding biomass is strong and the numbers have increased,” said
Schmucker.
After a Great White killed Todd Gendle I called Schmucker who
told me, “I fucken feel for the kids. That bothers me, kids upset.
There were fifteen people within twenty, thirty, forty metres. Big
splash, lots of blood, the whole bit.”
Schmucker said each new attack “inflames or reignites everyone’s
emotions and experiences, a new fear coming over you.”
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Author (pictured) running full speed.
Question: When was the last time you
sprinted at maximum full speed?
By Chas Smith
On your marks, get set...
The year is, officially, new and folk around
the globe re-evaluating lives, attempting to adjust bad behaviors,
generally clean up and get back to a “right track.” But have you
made resolutions of your own to begin this 2025? Maybe a change in
diet? A concerted effort cut screen time? A renewed commitment to
physical fitness?
Regarding the latter, what is your exercise of choice? Swimming?
Gym attendance? Running?
And regarding the latter, once more, when was the last time you
sprinted at full maximum speed?
It’s a funny and/or sad that growing older robs us of both
occasion and desire to really let the governor off and go all out.
As children, sprinting like the wind is as natural as it is
necessary. We run fast to test our mettle against peers, run fast
because Arnold schwarzenegger created the Presidential Fitness
Challenge and we had to, run fast because sports, getting chased,
chasing etc. But as adults all that disappears and we are only left
with a vague memory of how quickly our legs can move.
Until, that is, the ice cream truck comes a’ comin.
On today’s very first show of 2025, the 301st, David Lee Scales
and I got the funniest note from a fellow fifty-ish-year-old
Ventura, California-based surfer who had an incredible story of a
dash n crash he recently took. As he tells it, he was working on a
boat when he heard the iconic jingle of an ice-cream truck. He
decided to indulge, put down his tools, and marched outside where
he saw two younger men ahead of him. He thought, “Not today…” and
decided to whiz full throttle. He started pumping those legs and
things were looking good as he sped past them but then, as things
happen when adults run at full speed, his toe nipped a bit of
metal, his upper body continued while his legs strained to catch up
before the inevitable washout.
He was injured enough to be forced out of the lineup for a
month, though did get his chocolate malt. The whole business made
me think, though, about making sprinting my New Year’s
Resolution.
But who, here, would win a footrace?
What if there was money on the line and also enough to pay for
hip replacements, knee surgeries, foot amputations etc.?
While you are thinking you can enjoy episode 301.
An instant classic.
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Beloved surf photographer Jimmy Wilson
captures day of days at secret San Diego heavy wave
By Chas Smith
Caity Simmers, Ollie Kurtz and more!
To know James “Jimmicane” Wilson is to love
him. The steely-eyed surf photographer/videographer
transplanted in greater North County San Diego from his home in
Jacksonville, Florida some decade-plus ago, becoming a staple on
the left coast and in our surfing world. Professional and
professional-adjacent surfers, heading out into the wilds and
needing documentation, call him first. Brands or properties needing
true surf grit humbly bend knees and beg his opinion.
Wilson is not afraid to tell it like it is while also holding to
an old-school surf omerta. Don’t blow out the secret spots, don’t
stupidly and wrongly describe airs, know your swell charts, where
to be, when to go etc. and, thus, knew exactly where to be and when
to go when California’s mega-swell hit some days before Christmas
morning.
The secret big wave spot, somewhere north of the
California-Mexico border and south of Ventura, lit up like a boat
parade and was greeted by a who’s who of surf stars including, but
not limited to, Caity Simmers.
Training his lens upon the action, whilst providing commentary,
Wilson deftly captures the day of days, sharing, “I originally
wanted to combine everything from this swell into a single video,
but ultimately ended up cutting out stuff from the other spots.
Might post some stuff from ______ another time because there was
one pretty good session I filmed. These two days (filmed 12/22/2024
and 12/24/2024) came close to rivaling last year’s conditions, but
we were left with some long lulls, and less than ideal
weather/lighting. For a solid period of time on the second day, I
couldn’t see if waves were being ridden at all – it was that
foggy.”
And now it is time for you, dear reader, to engage in some
self-reflection. If you were on the beach with board, would you
have paddled, made excuses for why not paddling or simply admitted
defeat?
Heavy.
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Shock twist in furore over banning of
surfer-activist Lucy Small from longboard event
By Derek Rielly
A small victory for the diminutive longboarder
whose battles are many and varied!
“We note that you are currently ineligible to enter any surfing
competitions where Noosa Malibu Club is a stakeholder,” wrote John
Finlay, chairman of the Noosa Festival of Surfing. “Accordingly, we
are unable to accept your entry. A full refund of your fees will be
made as soon as practical.”
Lucy Small responded on Instagram,
What do you do when one of the biggest longboard events of
the year prevents you from entering because you believe in
universal equality? Is it keep pushing back and fighting knowing
that all that is going to come your way is probably more of this?
Is it just accept it?
In 2023 I found out at the Noosa Logger, an event run by
Noosa Mal Club, was offering unequal prize money. I contacted
Surfing Australia to ask them to look into it and they said that
there had been a clear breach of rules, providing this comment to
Kate at the Daily Telegraph. I facilitated people who were at the
event to speak to Kate and provide her background information and
some comment. My own comments were general in nature. After the story came out it appeared that Noosa Logger had
found a loophole by naming the division with more prize money an
open division despite it being advertised on their website as “open
men’s” and having 21 men in the division. There was one woman – the
president of the club Glen Gower’s daughter. In 2024 Surfing
Australia closed this loophole in the rule book following the
incident.
I did not write the article, I did not make the comments
that the club was being reprimanded, I did not have the power to
retract the story, I don’t even have a podcast! Glen Gower, the
president of the club made a complaint to Surfing Australia against
me which was not upheld.
So here we are. Is this the culture of surfing we’re
aspiring to? Is this the kind of event surfers and sponsors want to
be part of? Is it just easier to ignore it because I am just one
person and Noosa Festival is much bigger? I’m not sure, but I am
definitely sad and hurt…
And so on.
A terrible turn of events it seemed. In solidarity with Lucy
Small, Chas Smith threatened to boycott the Noosa Festival of
Surfing “this year and every year to come.”
The Noosa Malibu Club quickly fired back at Lucy Small on
Instagram.
Ms Small is currently banned from all Noosa Malibu Club
events. Her conduct in creating and promoting a false narrative
(via media channels) brought the Club into national
disrepute.
As it turned out, Surfing Australia had apologised to the Noosa
Malibu Club “after the club was wrongly accused of breaching prize
money equality… Surfing Australia CEO Chris Mater said that he
regrets making any comments that may have caused confusion and
created backlash against the club and Surfing Queensland.”
Like, yike!
Now, it can be reported, the Noosa Malibu Club has received a
“formal apology” from Lucy Small, which it accepted, and her
contest entry has now been banked.
Lucy Small responded to her inclusion in the event with a
victory speech of sorts on Instagram.
It was a small triumph for the diminutive longboarder whose
battles are many and varied.
She rocketed to fame four years ago when she gave organisers of
a longboard contest hell from the stage for paying the women half
as much as the men.
The effect was seismic and mainstream media went into overdrive,
for who, after all, doesn’t love a little patriarchy busting? Is
there no crime greater or more deserving than a little public
vengeance?
Lucy Small went head to head with the founder of professional
surfing, Mr Ian Cairns, via Instagram DMs after she posted a meme
featuring the hanging scene from The Ballad of Buster Scruggs.
Kanga took it as a personal affront, white man being executed; Lucy
said she did it to highlight the hypocrisy of an amendment to Texan
abortion laws.
Shortly after the October 7 attack by Hamas terrorists on
Israeli citizens, Lucy reposted a frame from Al Jazeera showing the
terrorists’ paragliders landing in Israel and about to murder
indiscriminately with the caption, “Palestinians in Gaza made
history as they escaped the world’s largest prison”.
