Lucy Small: Punk icon.

Surf feminist hero Lucy Small banned from prestigious longboard event for being “forthright and defiant!”

"Is this the culture of surfing we’re aspiring to?"

We were, collectively, first introduced to Lucy Small over four years ago now. The heretofore little known longboarder burst onto our scene after winning the Curly Mal Jam, dubbed Australia’s premier one-day longboarding event, was handed the microphone and dropped a bomb.

“Hello… I finally won something,” she began, sun shimmering overhead. “Thank you so much for having us, super stoked to be here. I just wanted to point out, thank you so much to the sponsors for all the money for the event, but I would say it’s a bittersweet victory knowing that our surfing is worth less than half as much as the men’s prize money. It costs the same amount to fly here, accommodation costs the same, and our surfing is worth half as much so maybe we can think about that for next time.”

Overnight, the diminutive cross-stepper was a star and one worthy of the spotlight, clashing with testosterone-squirting Ian Cairns, holding dead and/or dying surf brands to account, bashing and smashing the “apex predator of the patriarchy” wherever and whenever he showed his pale face.

Now, you would imagine with such fame etc. that any longboard event anywhere in the world would be glad to have her but then you’d imagine wrong, which may just be why longboarding sucks.

Small recently applied for a slot in the prestigious Noosa Festival of Surfing but was told by its chairman, John Finlay, “Thank you for your interest in competing in the 2025 Noosa Festival of Surfing. We note that you are currently ineligible to enter any surfing competitions where Noosa Malibu Club is a stakeholder. Accordingly, we are unable to accept your entry. A full refund of your fees will be made as soon as practical.”

But why the draconian ban? As she explains:

Just pondering this and wondering what to do, where to go from here. What do you do when one of the biggest longboard events of the year prevents you from entering because you believe in universal equality? Is it keep pushing back and fighting knowing that all that is going to come your way is probably more of this? Is it just accept it?

In 2023 I found out at the Noosa Logger, an event run by Noosa Mal Club, was offering unequal prize money. I contacted Surfing Australia to ask them to look into it and they said that there had been a clear breach of rules, providing this comment to Kate at the Daily Telegraph. I facilitated people who were at the event to speak to Kate and provide her background information and some comment. My own comments were general in nature.

After the story came out it appeared that Noosa Logger had found a loophole by naming the division with more prize money an open division despite it being advertised on their website as “open men’s” and having 21 men in the division. There was one woman – the president of the club Glen Gower’s daughter. In 2024 Surfing Australia closed this loophole in the rule book following the incident.

I did not write the article, I did not make the comments that the club was being reprimanded, I did not have the power to retract the story, I don’t even have a podcast! Glen Gower, the president of the club made a complaint to Surfing Australia against me which was not upheld.

So here we are. Is this the culture of surfing we’re aspiring to? Is this the kind of event surfers and sponsors want to be part of? Is it just easier to ignore it because I am just one person and Noosa Festival is much bigger? I’m not sure, but I am definitely sad and hurt. I have competed at Noosa since 2011, missing only a few years in this time. I have great memories of the event and it’s awful that because someone doesn’t agree with me or like me, they would think stopping me from entering the event is the answer. I think people in the world of surfing who have never had their views challenged or questioned don’t like it when someone is forthright and defiant, but I don’t think those who are should be prevented from competing.

I think I shall boycott the Noosa Festival of Surfing this year and every year to come.

What sissies.

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DJ Fisher gets a hair transplant
DJ Fisher debuts new Caesar cut after nearly nine thousand hair plugs were inserted into his previously barren skull.

Randy property developer DJ Fisher debuts “Caesar cut” after 8369 hair grafts!

Mick Fanning says, “It’s a Christmas miracle!”

The crown of bawdy DJ Fisher, whose career in the limelight began as a pro surfer and who we last saw in these pages as he prepared to demolish a old beach shack to build a beachfront skyscraper, has long been as barren as a mountain top.

In lieu of the hair which had once adorned it, there was a fringe of dark locks on the sides which gave the bald part the appearance of an equatorial island.

Not that you’d know.

The thirty-eight-year-old, nominated for Best Dance Recording category at the 61st Annual Grammy Awards for the nipple-twisting hit “Losing It” and whose techno anthems include the wildly anti-work and sexually explosive Just Feels Tight, has long hidden his underneath the again-fashionable bucket hat.

Now, after 8369 hair grafts completed by Brisbane-based hair transplant expert Dr Rukshan Senanayake (Dr Ruk), DJ Fisher has achieved a classic Caesar look with short, horizontally straight cut bangs.

DJ Fisher unveiled the new look in a Christmas post.

HAIRY CHRISTMAS!!!!! BEEN KEEPING THIS ONE UNDER HATS

 

View this post on Instagram

 

A post shared by FISHER (@followthefishtv)

A who’s who of world surfing celebrity were quick to pounce.

“It’s a Christmas miracle,” wrote Mick Fanning.

“Can’t wait til that one wears thin too,” teased Taj Burrow.

Dingo Morrison, “Wow them bucket hats gonna sell out. Sprouting like a pot plant under there.”

UFC hall-of-famer Luke Rockhold wrote, “Hahahaha it’s about fucking time.”

And Tom Carroll, twice a world champ and bald, effectively, since his mid-twenties lamented, “Santa’s Creepy Elves been at it again…wish I was serviced.”

Not mentioned is the bravery of DJ Fisher to go under the knife in this gory ballet of scalp manipulation where the surgeon slices into the donor area, usually at the back of the head, extracting strips of hair-covered flesh with a scalpel.

The harvested strip is then diced into tiny grafts, each one a clump of follicles with bits of tissue clinging on. These grafts are meticulously poked into bald patches with needle-like tools, causing more bleeding and swelling.

The scalp is dotted with blood, scabs forming where each graft has been implanted. The patient leaves with a head bandaged, hiding the macabre scene underneath.

 

 

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Landon McNamara (pictured) after epic Eddie win.
Landon McNamara (pictured) after epic Eddie win.

Eddie hero Landon McNamara arrested on old warrant after inspiring Waimea win

But sweet redemption at the end?

Surfers, near and far, are still buzzing about the ’24 running of the Eddie Aikau Big Wave Invitational. The epic show at Waimea Bay on December 22nd has only grown in its legend in the ensuing days. Clips, for example, of Jamie O’Brien and Nathan Florence being uploaded to video sharing channels. Images of Ross Clarke-Jones having his hand re-attached, after wipeout, while hacking a dart and drinking a cold Modelo. And now, most cinematic of all, the day’s hero Landon McNamara has been arrested and subsequently let out on bail on an old warrant.

The incident leading to the arrest occurred last December when the 28-year-old broke a window at his family home and was detained by the police. When put in a holding cell, he proceeded to break his cell window and later kicked the plexiglass partition in a police cruiser.

The case for the home window was dropped and he pleaded no contest on the issue of the cell window thus being released on $2000 bail. He will be back in court, per Island News, on Monday, Dec. 30.

Landon’s father, the legend Liam McNamara, posted how proud he was of his son bettering himself over the past year and winning the most prestigious surf contest on earth.

His lawyer, Darrell Wong, released a statement reading:

Landon McNamara is charged with a matter that took place over a year ago. It was a matter that allegedly occurred contemporaneously with a misdemeanor matter of which he pled no contest to and was granted a Deferred Acceptance. Both these matters were related to personal issues and challenges that Mr. McNamara was experiencing during December of last year (2023). Mr. McNamara took immediate steps to overcome these challenges and for this reason, the District Court Judge in the former matter found him to be a qualified and deserving candidate for a deferral. Mr. McNamara has been free of any arrests over this past year and continues to overcome the challenges that once plagued him.

A comeback for the ages?

Redemption song.

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Longboarding maestro Devon Howard and the “silence” killing surfing!

"To me the mid-length represents a giving up, a throwing in the towel, a capitulation to nature, age, crowds, weakness."

The San Diego surfer Devon Howard, a “great style master” and famous for his non-sexual charisma, is the man credited with converting longboard hating Chas Smith to the use of the mid-length surfboard.

Chas admitted his apostasy in a post some years back:

“To me the mid-length represents a giving up, a throwing in the towel, a capitulation to nature, age, crowds, weakness. Quitters ride mid-lengths. Rebels ride shortboards, high performance, fishy-hybrids, twins while shaking a balled up fist at destiny and yelling, “I will NOT be undone!”

“Except…

“At night, when no one is looking, I hide under the covers and scroll Instagram until I find Devon Howard’s profile then drool, playing this clip over and over and over and over until I’m in the throes of absolute ecstasy.”

In this interview, which may have been a pro qui pro for a new surfboard, Devon Howard describes longboarding as the punk rock older brother of the shortboard shredder, details the sublime joy of being hated and urges all surfers to break through the code of silence that is killing surfing.

“Silence is violence,” says Devon Howard. 

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California surfers beg for relief as yet another super swell arrives

Surfline, save us!

The old chestnut “be careful what you wish for, it might just come true” has never meant more to California’s surfers who suffered through one of worst summer/autumn dry spells in recorded history are now entering their tenth consecutive day of mega swell. Shorelines being lit right up. From Santa Cruz’s Steamer Lane to Ventura’s Rincon all the way down to La Jolla’s Blacks, ten days of big and bigger surf and counting.

Early “stoke” and “glee” has given way to an overwhelming sense of dread as Golden State sliders check the forecast and see phrases like “new NW energy moves in” or “swell in water being reinforced,” wondering if shoulders can take any more. If marriages, family well-being, employment can take any more too.

A brutal run that, currently, has no end in sight.

California, recognizing an impending collapse, has urged residents to “stop going to the beach” though surfers, as is their wont, are not listening very well.

But do you live here?

Are your shoulders sore?

Is marriage failing?

More importantly, what have you been riding?

Share, please.

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