Migrant worker in Abu Dhabi
Migrant worker digging a real big hole in Abu Dhabi.

WSL sends “Abu Dhabi Slave Pool” t-shirt to Jahannam as league faces mutinous surf fans over pool event

“Maybe the WSL cares more about IP violations than human rights violations?!?”

A little light entertainment yesterday before the gruelling all-day, all-night three-day slog of running a grand slam event in the new Kelly Slater pool in Abu Dhabi, when a surf fan created a t-shirt satirising the contest and the UAE’s ordinary record on human rights, which he made available on Reddit. 

Darth_Voter designed the t-shirt which features the slogan, “WSL Boycott…No Blood Money for your bullshit Abu Dhabi slavepool” and which were sold for twenty-five bucks on his website.

Shortly after the story appeared on BeachGrit, however, the WSL’s legal team contacted Printify, a print-on-demand service available online to anyone who wants to get low-volume whatever out there, and had the tees cancelled.

“This thing keeps growing in so many funny ways,” Darth, maybe not his real name, told me in an email earlier. “They made me take down the first version for IP violations so the link in your article no longer works.  BUT I made a new logo (Worst Surf League) and then reposted them. Can you please redirect readers here?

Abu Dhabi slave pool t-shirt
Abu Dhabi slave pool t-shirt

The new tees have a WSL logo that features a giant shark fin.

“Since they sent their sharks after me, it seemed appropriate that the new Worst Surf League logo should be a big shark fin,” wrote Darth. “After all, if there’s blood on their hands, there’ll be sharks in the water. Maybe the WSL cares more about IP violations than human rights violations?!?”

Aside from pirate tees on Reddit, the WSL has been hit with unprecedented negative feedback on their own channels about the Abu Dhabi tank contest.

 

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Even the commentators are lacking enthusiasm and energy. That excitement when a good set comes and the anticipation of who’s going to get the wave is simply lost here. It’s like watching a televised funeral.

Wsl are embarrassing the surf public. This is seriously ridiculous

This is somehow worse than Lemoore

This step is so boring… wsl does everything for money

So many great surf spots around the world. WSL could bring the tour to some impoverished areas and help them out. Instead, they sell out to the oil sheiks.

You’re taking the concept of “boring” to uncharted territories

And so on.

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Eimeo Czermak and Mason Ho injured at Pipe
Eimeo Czermak, back in the ambo, and Mason Ho, shaken but not stirred!

Eimeo Czermak suffers second broken back at Pipeline on horror day that claimed face of Mason Ho

"Chaos, carnage and an occasional perfect barrel."

The Tahitian-born surfer Eimeo Czermak has been dragged from the water at Pipeline after suffering a compressed fracture of his T12 vertebrae on a horror day that almost took off the pretty face of Mason Ho. 

If the name sounds familiar it’s ‘cause Eimeo suffered pretty much the same injury one year ago almost to the day at the Vans Pipe Masters, the carrot-topped heartthrob writing, 

“This was probably one of the hardest and scariest moments of my life. I don’t know if I can even talk about what happened after I left the contest so I’m gonna keep it to myself but I’m so happy and grateful to be alive and looking forward to heal.”

Surf fans were asked to help cover Eimeo’s medical costs, after limping away from hozzy with a one-hundred gee bill in his pocket. There was a little consternation from potential donors questioning why the kid was surfing Pipe without travel insurance and why Vans appeared to ignore the appear to ignore the kid after he left in the event all trussed up in an ambo.

Anyway, Eimeo has busted his back again on a day described by long-time North Shore photographer Brian Bielmann as “chaos, carnage and an occasional perfect barrel.”

The injuries come only five days after North Shore charger Lucas Godfrey busted his back, his rescue involving a team of lifeguards and Kelly Slater who saw the wipeout from his back yard.

No word, yet, if Eimeo Czermak has set up another GoFundMe but Lucas sure do got one.

Help the brother out here. 

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Live Chat Surf Abu Dhabi Pro night round!

It sucks just as bad in the dark.

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King of Backdoor Filipe Toledo (pictured).
King of Backdoor Filipe Toledo (pictured).

Harsh reality dawns on oil-rich sheiks after throbbingly dull Surf Abu Dhabi Pro opener

Welcome to the Pipeline of Pablum.

There is something particularly depressing about sunrises in the United Arab Emirates. I have experienced a fair share and each is uniquely bleak. Maybe its the way that desert particulates mingle with smoke and the labored breaths of Pakistani slaves. Maybe its just knowing that the day to come will be filled with eyefuls of dainty men’s sandals on pedicured men’s feet. The one thing I am certain of, though, is today, that depression will feel a bit weightier and especially for those who invested in Kelly Slater’s dream.

The Surf Abu Dhabi Pro kicked off, yesterday, and JP Currie will break it down properly, soon. I tuned in for three or four waves and was bored straight into submission. I honestly could not believe how painful it was to watch, all moral, environmental, etc. issues aside. As a pure sporting spectacle, is tub surfing the worst on earth?

The novelty wears off after three hacks to the lip, I reckon, for longtime professional surf watchers and first time professional surf watchers alike. What remains is throbbingly dull repetition. No surfer, but maybe the recently-minted big wave wrangler Filipe Toledo, can do anything different from another and so watchers are simply left wondering  when they will fall and put a merciful end to it.

Consequence-free tedium.

And I am really racking my brain to find something worse. Chess, lawn bowls, test cricket and marathons are generally cited as dreary to watch but each have nuances, strategies, histories and finely tuned masters.

Competitive tub surfing has… nothing. The difference between a 5.43 and a 6.21 arbitrary, the skill of the players flattened, the mechanical wave, itself, a pipeline of pablum.

Surf Abu Dhabi will likely be successful as a destination, as is Kelly Slater’s Surf Ranch as a rich flex, but no man, woman, child or Pakistani slave should ever be subjected to watching Jackson Bunch hit the crumbling lip on a left that refuses to barrel ever again. If there was hope, amongst the oil-rich that yesterday would be the dawn of a brave new live sporting era in the Emirates, well, a swing and a miss.

Suck it, fat boys.

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Comment live Surf Abu Dhabi Pro!

And it's onshore!

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