John John Florence, son Darwin and wife Lauryn in New Zealand.
John John Florence, bebe Darwin and wife Lauryn wrapped up in bliss on Mount Manaia, New Zealand.

Tour truant John John Florence discovered, along with baby Darwin, in Mount Manaia, New Zealand!

"Off on a new adventure with our little family, can’t wait to see where we go!"

Three months after making it official that he wasn’t gonna hit the tour in 2025, Pipe excepted, Big Daddy John John Florence has been discovered with his little family, wife Lauren and bebe Darwin, in the town of Mount Manaia in New Zealand.

BeachGrit’s trans-Tasman readers, the moderator of the below-the-line panel included, will laud John John Florence’s decision to explore some of New Zealand’s most dramatic coastal scenery, a decision made easy by the fact his forty-eight foot gunboat Vela has been sitting dockside there after listing it for sale almost two years ago for $1.3 million American dollars.

It followed a terrific voyage across the Pacific where John John Florence and pals sailed the catamaran 1200 miles to Palmyra Atoll. The accompanying video series drew gyspy rings around all the edits and series’ doin the rounds at the time.

In 2015, John John Florence had declared, “My ultimate goal with sailing is to be able to travel fast, cover long distances, and go surfing. I want to combine the two.”

And, so, once monied enough to realise the dream Florence bought snowboarder Travis Rice’s forty-eight foot cat, Falcor, which was promptly renamed Vela, with its three “queen berths” (everyone’s a queen at sea), one thousand feet of sail area and a main saloon where all sorts of naughty and dangerous activities often take place at sea.

“My relationship with the boat is definitely a love, hate relationship,” John John Florence said. “Sometimes I’m like, this is the most amazing thing ever. Look at it. We’re sailing at 15 knots and it’s beautiful and everything feels great. And then the next moment something breaks and I’m like, this is the worst. I hate this. I don’t know why we’re doing this. Why do I put myself through this stress? I’m selling the boat. When we get to Fiji, I’m selling the boat, we’re done.”

John John’s videos of his new life were posted on his Instagram account and show a young family who have life firmly gripped in their hands. We see the departure from Honolulu, Darwin, who was named after the towering British biologist who gave the world the theory of evolution, getting his first lifejacket, the arrival on the Vela, Darwin being given a tour of the engine room etc.

“Packing, fixing, getting going on the road to nowhere, and having a lot of fun along the way,” writes John John Florence.

Load Comments

Surf fan (pictured) disinterested.
Surf fan (pictured) disinterested.

Question: Has an overwhelming ennui officially swamped the World Surf League?

Are you there, Dirk Ziff? It's me, Charlie.

You might have missed it, because the “global home of surfing” had already lost you, but weeks ago, the Word Surf League’s newly appointed Director of Athlete Relations Chris Heffner ripped a line straight from BeachGrit in declaring the mission was “no more chasing the mythical ‘surf fan’ that doesn’t surf,” adding “New management, along with ownership, is leaning into a ‘surfer first’ strategy…. and I’m here for it.”

And yet, even with the exciting pivot, the whole enterprise seems like it’s…. over. The biggest names fleeing the tour in their primes, or injured. Engagement cratering. I know that Portugal is a difficult timezone etc. but a measly 100 comments on the “Live Chat?” I don’t recall such low numbers since we began.

The wild swings back and forth seem to have ejected simply too many of the already very few surf fans.

Once champion of diversity, the WSL scrubbed LGBTQIA+ Pride Progress flags of singlets in Abu Dhabi. Once on the bleeding edge of equal pay between men and women, the WSL has zero reaction when one of its young stars, Cole Houshmand, highlights his wild-eye’d love of the self-described woman hater Andrew Tate.

The product, in the water, can excite from time to time (see: Jack Robinson) or provide comedy (see: Filipe Toledo) but, overall, seems listing. Like, really, really hard to care about.

Or maybe it’s just me.

So, question: how do you feel about competitive professional surfing right now?

Bullish or bearish?

Load Comments

All eyes on Kelly Slater as Jimmy Buffett themed cruise announces “Sip & Surf” experience

"(Jimmy Buffet's) music basically outlined the lives we desired…fishing, diving, dreaming about being in the tropics, playing music, and just living the dream."

2021 was truly a fine year. The oldest man in the world was elected President of the United States, Tokyo hosted a wonderful Olympics entirely free of pesky spectators and the Bahamas Paradise Cruise Line officially rebranded as Margaritaville at Sea.

While the inspiration behind the Florida-to-Caribbean adventure, one Jimmy Buffett, passed to the other side in 2023, his cruise portfolio continues to expand. There are now two Maragritavilles at Sea, both featuring song-themed menu items, salt shaker art on walls, Jimmy Buffett cover bands, palm trees, parrots and clocks set to perpetual 5 o’clock.

The cruise director bravely told USA Today, “We worship the flip-flop here on board.”

And things are looking even rosier as Spring sprungs. A third sexual assault lawsuit was recently settled, the enterprise just won the coveted “best cruise line for families” award and a “Sip & Surf Flash Sale” has, minutes ago, been announced.

Per the press release:

For a limited time, guests can enjoy five free drinks, complimentary Wi-Fi for one device per booking, and 50 percent off cruise fares, along with the Kids Sail Free promotion.

Now, I see the “sip” but where is the “surf?”

Might it be an onboard residency featuring Kelly Slater?

The greatest surfer to ever live and Buffett had a very close relationship, Slater penning an emotional tribute sharing, “I grew up listening to Jimmy Buffett with my family. His music basically outlined the lives we desired…fishing, diving, dreaming about being in the tropics, playing music, and just living the dream. I met Jimmy in France in 2010 about 8 years or so after my dad died and the first day I told him how much he reminded me of my own father and from that moment on he kind of became a surrogate to me, occasionally calling me from some far off land telling me he missed me and I had to come visit him wherever he was.”

Slater is now mostly semi-retired and what better way to spend his sunset years than an onboard host with his very own girlfriend and unnamed son?

Just imagine a talk story evening, the 11-time champion opining on vaccine safety and philosophical conundrums. It would be sheer magic. The only question, how much would you pay? The “Sip & Surf” promotion only has hours left so get on it.

Load Comments

Live chat, day four, Rip Curl Pro Portugal!

Surfing's own Eurovision!

Load Comments

Jack “The Ripper” Robinson dominates European surfing grand slam in wild seas!

His friends call him Jackie. His enemies call him lots of other things!

The European leg, a slightly grandiose way to describe a solitary event, is doing itself no favours.

At broadcast start this afternoon the rain lashed the Supertubos line-up. It was evident on the camera lens and the mics. It tin-tacked the Atlantic. The broadcast team, wrapped up like puffy little winter robins, whinged about possibly getting wet.

The swell was filling in, as predicted (miraculously) by Surfline, who could say anything at this point and it would still sound like fiction.

But it was to last just twenty minutes before the wind switched and kicked in.

During that half-heat’s worth of simmering excitement, Jack Robinson engaged in some adroit foreplay, turning Supertubos’ nipples gently between thumb and forefinger, rimming the lineup.

It was heavy. Ian Gentil broke a board within the first couple of mins while the rain drummed on the mics.

Filipe Toledo, cued to surf in heat seven, looked pensive from the athlete’s area.

“He looks intent on making some decisions,” said Strider cryptically.

Filipe Toledo Portugal
Filipe Toledo looking like he’s beeing stalked by a battalion of slightly aggressive field mice.

Kaipo reminded us again that he calls Jack Robinson “The Shaman”. A nickname he clearly stole from Ain’t That Swell, yet continues to pass off as his own. “Let’s see if he can’t go out there and bend water,” he pitched to Strider.

“Dude, the sky’s falling out there,” said Mitch. “I hope you brought your Yeti. You could probably just leave it out there for ten seconds and that thing would be full” he added in an awkward nod to the sponsor.

Later, he would pronounce “Supertubos” with such a ludicrous Spanish accent I’m beginning to wonder if he’s trolling us.

Or perhaps tthhhhhhrrrrrrrooooaaaallllliinnngggg.

Jack Robinson dropped an 8.17 then a (wildly undercooked) 7.5 for back-to-back waves in his inimitable fashion. Two big no-hand pumps saw him through the doggy-door of a thick left. Then on the paddle back out he snagged a meaty right as opponent Ian Gentil took it on the head.

They were the last barrels of the day.

The plan was overlapping heats, but even before the first was done, rain started to obscure the camera and all hope along with it.

Liam O’Brien bested Crosby Colapinto in a scrappy, non-tubed affair where neither man could break into double figures for a heat total.

“It was a bit like a washing machine out there,” said Liam O’Brien. “I had to go back to grindy turns.”

Back in the studio, Jesse Mendes wore a beanie high on his head as if he were looking for a window to lick.

In an all-Brazilian affair to end the foreshortened day, Yago Dora and Sammy Pupo struggled to find rideable waves. Both men ended with pocket threes. Dora’s were a ball hair better.

“Survival mode,” Yago Dora claimed.

“You study oceanology, Strider,” pitched Kaipo, presumably referencing oceanography’s cousin in a Jesse Mendes beanie. “It’s true that when the swell gets bigger the lulls get longer, right?”

“You could say that,” replied Strider graciously, before saying the complete opposite.

It’s a funny old room when Strider’s the sharpest tool.

“When you’re building a house, sometimes you need to use a hammer, sometimes you need to use a screwdriver,” offered Kaipo.

No-one quite knew what he was referring to.

Or why one would build a house with hand tools.

Onto tomorrow. There’s swell in the water and uncertainty in the air.

Load Comments