Rogan (left) and Slater (right).
Rogan (left) and Slater (right).

“Joe Rogan-loving” enters vernacular as new slur for non-progressive surfers

"Backward-looking scientifically dubious nonsense."

One week ago surfers near and far thrilled at the release of David Litt’s new book It’s Only Drowning. In it, the former Obama speech writer who who describes himself as “a high-functioning, high-anxiety person who experienced situational depression during the coronavirus pandemic” had a feeling of overwhelming dread, difficulty getting out of bed and found himself endlessly doomscrolling in these modern fractious days of our lives.

His brother-in-law, on the other hand, “a guitar player, a motorcycle enthusiast and a daredevil surfer.”

Litt was impressed by brother-in-law’s handling of the post-pandemic world, moving through it all seemingly unbothered, but also not really paying attention to news etc., mostly listening to Joe Rogan.

“Joe Rogan-loving” brother-in-law quickly becoming shorthand, in reviews of the book and in the book itself, for non-progressives.

Do you, yourself, listen to Rogan’s very popular podcast The Joe Rogan Experience? Do you find it filled with backward-looking scientifically dubious nonsense?

In case you need memory jogged, here is the world’s greatest surfer Kelly Slater appearing on the program six years ago. The 11-time world surfing champion is very hungry for Rogan’s approval, even dressing like the former Fear Factor host.

And here’s Shane Dorian with Rogan from nine years ago. Rogan, in this episode, appears to be needing Dorian’s attention.

Back to the issue at hand, though. Which current surfers on tour would you describe as “Joe Rogan-loving?”

Discuss.

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Shark follows victim and rescuers to the beach after attack.
Dang shark follows victim and rescuers to the beach after attack.

Video: Jaws-like scenes at Cabarita as shark chases bleeding victim and his rescuers to beach

"Huge effort but the guys to not only save this kid but put their own lives on the line in the process."

A couple more details on today’s attack on a teenager at Cabarita Beach, site of the WSL’s Tweed Heads Pro a few years back and a place rapidly gaining infamy for the volume of shark swishing around in its warm water and B-grade point.

The sixteen year old was bitten on the right arm and right leg and was choppered to the relatively close Gold Coast Uni hozzy and remains in a stable, as they say, condition. In layman’s terms, kid seems ok, pulse normal, nothing real serious apart from the wound.

“At this stage I’m unsure of the severity of injuries, but I’m told there were traumatic injuries to the right arm and right leg,” NSW Surf Lifesaving CEO Stephen Pearce told the ABC.

First, and unsurprisingly, the chaos following the attack was captured on iPhones, with the shark following the kid and his rescuers to the beach. The shark, estimated to be eight feet long or so, almost beaches itself as it prepares to take another hunk out of the kid.

Unbelievable footage shows the 2 metre plus shark chasing the victim and his rescuers all the way to the shoreline today at Cabarita Headland. Huge effort but the guys to not only save this kid but put their own lives on the line in the process.

 

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Second, it turns out that NSW Shark Smart tagged and released a Tiger shark at Cabarita on Thursday.

So maybe it wasn’t a Great White after all, but a pissed off Tiger looking for a little payback for the hook in its mouth.

Beach is closed for twenty four hours.

 

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Live chat, Finals Day, Vivo Rio Pro, “What is this, a wave for ants?”

The end is nigh!

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Teenager surfer attacked by suspected Great White at Cabarita on the Far North Coast of NSW.
Teen surfer hit by suspected Great White at Cabarita on NSW's Far North Coast.

Surfer, 16, airlifted to hospital after attack by suspected Great White at Cabarita Beach

“It was like there was an oil slick next to me, it was so big. It came up so slowly, and I literally shit myself and kicked it as hard as I could with my right leg."

A teenage surfer has been choppered to Gold Coast University hozzy after being bitten on the hand, arm and leg by a suspected Great White at Cabarita Beach, the one-time home of Chippa Wilson, a short-ish drive north of Byron Bay.

Nearby surfers helped the kid in and staunched the free-flowing claret with legrope tourniquets.

The attack, on a gloomy and wet mid-winter afternoon, was first reported by the on-the-spot Nicka35, a freelance reporter who covers on all things surf on the Gold Coast.

“People in the lineup did mention they saw a massive fin swimming and hanging out for quite a long time after the attack,” he posted.

 

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Back in January, Jed Smith, the darkly sexy half of the Ain’t That Swell team, listed dire warnings from Cabarita locals about increased Great White activity.

Cabarita: Big White at Caba yesterday. Went under the lads at South Beach. 2.5 m White right under the lads and then basked around the corner of the headland.

In 2020, and just after the Tweed Heads Pro at Cabarita, foilboarder and noted local surfer Christian Bungate was hit by a Great White at the site of last weekend’s Tweed Heads Pro, the animal, which was described as a “tank”, leaving behind a tooth in the foil’s carbon fibres.

That hit came two weeks after Nick Slater was killed by a Great White at the Superbank, forty-five minutes drive north, four months after Rob Pedretti was killed by a  Great White at Kingscliff, ten minutes drive north, one month after longboarder Chantelle Doyle was pulled out of a Great White’s mouth by her husband at Port Macquarie, a few hours south, and two months after teenager Mani Hart-Deville was killed by a Great White at Wooli, a couple of hours south. 

Bungate knew it was a close call. 

“It was like there was an oil slick next to me, it was so big. It came up so slowly, and I literally shit myself and kicked it as hard as I could with my right leg. I’m 100 per cent sure if I was on a normal surfboard it would’ve given the shark clear access to get straight back at me and it probably would’ve taken out my stomach. Instead it caught the wing of my foil board, hence why there’s a bloody tooth in it. I left my board and I crawled up the beach and I lay on my stomach bawling my eyes out.”

More details on the latest attack as they come.

 

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Italo F. pictured flying at Sao Paulo Surf Club.
Italo F. pictured flying at Sao Paulo Surf Club.

New Sao Paulo surf tub memberships revealed to be more expensive than gently used Maybach!

It's a rich man's game.

The surf tub game is still in its infancy. While certain investors are wildly bullish, tossing money into developments with pools as centerpiece, claiming they will be the new golf course communities, others are not so sure, pointing to the debacle in Bristol or bad publicity from Palm Springs/Utah.

Though where does Brazil stand on the matter?

The surf mad South American nation, population 211 million, would be an absolute boon to savvy speculators if they could squeeze reals out of artificial wave enthusiasts. The average monthly Brazilian salary is $580ish USD. A day at Kelly Slater’s Surf Ranch in Lemoore, California reported to run between $50,000 and $80,000 per day.

Well, if the price tag coming out of two new Sao Paulo projects is snaring any suckers, then the gold rush may well be on.

With over 11 million souls, Sao Paulo is the southern hemisphere’s largest city, stirring rage in the hearts of Sydneysiders. It is known as a major economic hub for South America though many traffic-choked miles away from any real surf.

Beyond the Club and Sao Paulo Surf Club, just opened, seek to remedy. Only four miles apart in the tony Santo Amaro district, both are currently offering memberships. Beyond the Club runs $125,000 for a family of four. Sao Paulo Club around $150,000.

A lightly used Mercedes Maybach sedan (no accidents, one owner, 9,330 miles), by comparison, costs $145,000.

Unlike Surf Ranch, the properties include tennis, squash, ski simulators, skate parks, spas and restaurants. There is a ski simulator at Hansen’s Surf Shop in Encinitas. It looks horrible.

The membership fee does not come with a home or condominium.

Are you enticed?

Are you enticed to buy that Maybach?

Act fast. Link here.

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